h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Phone call 1 (from Kings X) "I'll be home tonight"

Phone call 2 (from Doncaster) "I'll be in at 8.55, can you pick me up?"

Phone call 3 (just now) "Can you get some milk and bread on the way so I can have some supper?"

'snot a man by any chance, is it?

Hehehe yes, I'm not 'tother way inclined...

I did come home laden down with pressies though

First I got a ... plaster seahorse covered in glitter then he produced a beach towel - with a huge 's open jaws on, and the words "BITE ME" underneath

I was ready to plant him but then in another bag was a set of three picture frames made from fallen leaves and a box of shell and finally...a 100ml bottle of limited edition Ralph Lauren "Romance" perfume.

So I let him off

Poor clueless fella. Probably just trying to keep his bases covered. If you find a man who knows what to buy his wife, it's because his sister-in-law tipped him off.

Leo, I've just bought Elaine a weekend in Barcelona, but then again we're not married. No word from her sis yet as to whether this is a good choice or not. Still, I reckon I've done alright

So he's still waiting for the bread and milk then?...

*ducks*

They really are useless creatures when it comes to pressies aren't they ..I'll never forget the valentines day when I was presented with a box of cadburys heros and told 'I was going to get some nicer ones but these were on reduced' Bless 'im

Oi cheeky! *I* am organised, I even found a late-night shop on the way to the train station. Unfortunately, the "bargain" return railticket he got before his journey, £23 return, wasn't such a bargain because he couldn't find his ticket, so had to pay for a single ticket - £73

I rest my case

this reminds me: i learned two valuable lessons very quickly agter another on my ex's last birthday before we divorced:

1. she had in fact *not* wanted a new ironing board for a b-day prezzie

2. she has one h*ll of a left hook

A lady of my acquaintance still won't let her gentleman forget the time he bought her a mop bucket as an anniversary gift. Not just any bucket, mind one - cast in stainless steel with a fancy wringing mechanism on the top, but a bucket nonetheless.

Since then she's been repeatedly horrified by his taste in jewelery.


An uncle of mine always consulted with his sister before each date with his then to-be wife. He only let her know about this deception 15 years later.

I've spent an hour today searching his house for the keys he put somewhere safe, including his car keys


We found them in his oven gloves which he'd folded up and placed in a cupboard he never uses

He had earlier rung the car dealer and asked the price to order a new car key - £182 - almost as much as their last meal in Oz cost, at the Opera House. *cough*

Skanky:
>>A weekend in Barcelona

The value of that gift would depend on whether or not you'll be there too.

first prize would be a weekend with me in barcelona

second prize would be a week with me in barcelona

This is insulting. Men are good for many things. Why we're good for... for... umm...

Ok, wait. I'll go ask my wife, she'll know

.
.
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hang on she's still thinking.

You know the saying 'can't live withe them... can't live with them'? How unchallenged we would be if the world was all women (and how unfulfilled ) I have four brothers, and consider myself weell trained to deal with the knuckle dragging variety of the male sub-species but him upstairs is goood Hubby grew up with five sisters. Justice served, as far as I am concerned.

>>> knuckle dragging variety of the male sub-species <<<

Suddenly realised that could be ratehr harsh a way of putting it

... thus, present company, as always, honourably exempted

jack nicholson grew up without any male in the family at all, only mother and sisters (one of whom turned out to be his real mum years after she passed away and the "mum" he had up until then turned out to be his grandmum, but that's another story) and most females i know think he turned out just right

in my defense i only have three sisters

I dunno if I dare tell you that I asked him where his "spare" car key was, and the answer was: in the glove compartment of the car.

Wilma'll bust a gut.