h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Let's see:
1. Literal sarcasm.
2. Anyone who is grammatically incorrect. Ever.
3. Dale Winton.
4. The celebration of stupendously dim but pretty people as idols. They're just good looking. They're not gods.
Take your pick. I have more but I think you might kill me...

Love the last one. Not thinking of anyone in particular, are you?

Ones that play football, for example?

Yeah, he's top of my list right now.
Degrees in Klingon were bad (although kind of cool *g*) enough...

God.. Where to begin!
1. Bad Manners
2. Show offs
3. Snobs
4. The Narrow Minded
5. Knowing about 2 seconds before you actually do it that you are about to knock over / drop that precariously balanced object of importance.
6. ..... Can't think of one off hand.. I shall return.....

1. teenage pop singers that look like 12 year olds
2. people who have no faith
3. two faced moos
4. brothers
5. exams
6. money
7. parents....yelling
8. people who cant pronounce/spell my name Eilidh ( A lee)
9. dodgy urls
10. a certain person in our year who looks like a ****ing barbie doll and is intelligent and grrrrrrrrrrr
ged

People who try to make their kids names exotic by screwing up the spelling of an ordinary name, i.e. Phara (Farrah), Kharyn (Karen), Kaitlynn (Caitlyn), Kristeen, Jayne, and Rebekkah. Sometimes they manage to make it completely unrecognizable, which means their kids' names are constantly mispronounced as well as misspelled.

And the converse: simplifying names with unusual spelling, like Deedrah (Deirdre).

People that constantly misspell the same word, over and over again even after they're told so.
Religious Zealots (They really drive me nuts)
Tabloids (despite the fact that they are funny, they are still way to damned anoying)
All of these new 'boy' bands coming out of the US
The American political system in General (especially the damned right wingers)
The American Education system
Capitolist Fat-cats

Thats just to name a few....
wow, not a few, that's really a lot isn't it?
oh well

I'd say mispronouncing the same words over again after they're told about it goes right in there with the spelling.

And speaking of spelling, how about people who harp on spelling then make spelling mistakes themselves.

(Ahem. Capitalist.)

Eilidh! I'm shocked Anyway, she looks nothing like a Barbie Doll. Now as for:
1. A certain girl in our school who looks like a rake with a bad wig on and speaks as if she has a megaphone stuck in her larynx
2. Or a certain girl with a strange spelled name who's so far up her own arse I'm suprised she can't see out of her mouth...
3. Celine Dion- cos the woman should just die...
4. Flipper DVDs.

There are certain expressions that really get on my nerves. I hate it when people say "I'll be with you in one second". I always want to right "Right, time's up" almost immediately.
Surely, though, the most infuriating words in the English language must be: "Cheer up, it might never happen".

HAH, I guess I should proof read my posts a little better.
That's allright though, the fact that I'm a subbie doesn't really mean that I have to be grammatically acurate all the time, does it?

?
I thought the most infuriating phrase in the world was: It's your holiday. You should be working.
Hello? I cannot be sarcastic enough.
This could of course be slightly biased, you know, after two weeks of listening to it...

i am not that bad and who cares
more:
brother singing
smell in brothers room (all boys rooms)
people who are hypocrites (can i spell?)
cilla black and "chuck" "alright chuck" all that sh*t
liars
"I'll call you back"
"Give me some time to think about it"
People who dont read h2g2/dont get it

Oh oh, people who criticise shows they have never seen (all you anti-Trekkers take a bow. Ditto for Buffy.)
People who assume that all teenagers are illiterate idiots who don't have an original thought in their heads or anything intelligent to say...

The phrases I find the most irritating include "at the end of the day" which people insist on saying before every mindless comment on Trish and other uk talk shows. (I always feel like saying "at the end of the day...is the night")
The second phrase which I'm sure was designed to put people in bad moods is "Smile." Just because I don't walk about with a permanant grin plastered on my face does not mean I am unhappy.

Exactly - which is why "Cheer up, it might never happen" is annoying. What if you WERE unhappy, anyway? Might you not have a perfectly valid reason for feeling that way? It all reminds me of that Monty Python sketch about the kingdom where everyone was happy because it was illegal not to be, and failure to comply could get you sentenced to be hanged by the neck until you cheered up...
Here's another pet hate of mine: those automated telephone systems you often get at big organisations, where you get a recorded voice telling you to press 1 if you want this, press 2 if you want that and so on. Half the time the thing you want doesn't fit neatly into one of the pre-determined options, so you just have to pick the nearest one and hope for the best. Then you usually end up being transferred from department to department and having to explain your request over and over again.
It's even more irritating when you press one of the numbers in the menu only to get ANOTHER list of options - and "press (number) if you want to speak to a real, live, intelligent human being" is never among the available choices.

Ah, but usually if you press zero, even if that isn't one of the choices they give you, you do get transeferred to a human being. That discovery made my life much easier.

I've just updated the article to include these new pet hates. There seems to be a pattern forming...

The scene: a crowded shopping mall.

You're on a jam-packed escalator, you're getting near the top. The person in front of you steps off the escalator and stops dead. Everyone else is still moving (obviously), which then pushes you into the back of the dead-stop merchant. They then turn round and give you a FILTHY look, like you did it just to annoy them. Quite often, you also get a 'What's the hurry mate?'. Stopping to tell them that it was their fault and to think about what they do in future is possibly one of the most pointless activities known. People who can't work out that an escalator doesn't stop just because they aren't on it shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised. (Takes deep breath).

And then you go to a fast food outlet. And you ask the person behind the counter for whatever you want. And do they give it to you? Eventually, maybe.
But probably not before asking "Would you like fries with that?", or "Would you like to make that large?" Thus implying that not only are you greedy, but you're also incapable of asking for what you REALLY want without being prompted.
A further cruel twist with regard to this one is that you can't get too annoyed with the people saying it, because you know that they're only following instructions in order to keep their awful jobs.