h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll try and remember them this yuletide! Ho Ho Ho.

Well my personal 2 favourites are: 'Spraying the belly with sticky white love-piss' and 'Shaking hot white coconuts from the veiny tree of love.

No one has listed better than George Carlin (from "An Incomplete List of Impolite Words):

jerk off; jack off; wack off; pull off; beat off; fist f**k; wanking; beating your meat; flogging your dong; pounding your pud; bleeding your weed; wringing out your rope; stroking it; giving it a tug; beating the Bishop; choking the chicken; waxing the dolphin; wrestling the eel; spank the frank; paddle the pickle; jerk the gherkin; punishing percy in your palm; shootin' putty at the moon; pocket pool...

A Classics professor told me that "with his legs in the air," a phrase in ?Aristophanes play, referred to masturbation.

No more to contribute...

We have saying in english is like "ask cow nipple for white water that is thick and stick to skin and float in water".

It is very long in english, not how we say much more short.

Thank Q!

Manual Intervention

or

Manual Override.

Manual intervention .......

Is that one for the dim witted waiter from Faulty Towers!

Think about it.....

Roughing up the suspect

My personal favorite euphomism is "scrubbing the corn". I almost fell over the first time I heard it!

I've got a few....some are bad, some are good...depends on how you find things funny, I guess......

Make the bald man cry;
Strangle Kojak;
Crash the Yoghurt truck;
Articulate the Archdeacon; (a progression of 'bash the bishop')
Backstroke Roulette;
Hitch-hiking under the big top;
Ham Shank;
Warm up your blue veined custard chucker;
and finally, cos I could go on forever, whitewater wristing.


I.

And then theres groomin a wookie.

hehehehehe Smoooooooch!

Hasn't anyone else been bothered by the misspelling? It's e-u-p-h-e-m-i-s-m-s in my dandy old Webster's dictionary. Or maybe, since I've been euphemistically named myself, I just like to see the proper word used. CHEERS, all!

Everybody's been bothered by the misspeling (see postings 34 and 105) but you can't change it. Masturbation has been spelt in some adventurous new ways, too.

Grooming the Wookie first reared its head at Posting 70.

I must be mad to read through everything again to find those postings for you. Well, I didn't really, I keep an index of all forums in my head. (If you believe that...)

Well if you say it TC who am I to doubt!!??!!

The best one that i can think of at the moment is Draining the lizard, although that can also be used as a euphemism for urination.
But hey it works for me!!!

I believe you could and do go on forever. Obviously you have given this matter a great deal of thought! I just had to respond, the last one was the best, it left me Rolling on the floor laughing. I guess this is why I got into this forum in the first place. You guys really amuse me. I just wish I could go WHITEWATER WRISTING it sound so adventurous and exciting, just what a lady needs (in her mind) to get where she needs to go......and I do mean OFF!
Whats a girl to do, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear
All I can say is that the one thing good about being a female is: "A woman can get it anytime she wants," that's why we don't have so many cute little code words to conceal the real wonder of it all.

Males:

Beating the Bait
Beating the Bishop
Buffing the Banana
Burping the Worm
Calling Down For More Mayo
Charm the Cobra
Dropping Stomach Pancakes
Giving it a Tug
Hammering Howie
Holding Your Sausage Hostage
Jackin' the Beanstalk
Jelly Roll
Jenny Macarthy Jaunt
Jerk the Gherkin
Jiggle the Jewelry
Making the Bald Guy Puke
One Handed Clapping
Pam Anderson Polka
Play Pocket Pool
Play the Organ
Play the Skin Flute
Popping the Porpoise
Pulling The Wire
Pulling Your Goalie
Punchin' The Clown
Punchin' The Munchkin
Punishing Percy
Rolling The Fleshy Blunt
Roughing up the Suspect
Rounding Up the Tadpoles
Shaking Hands With the Governor
Shooting Putty at the Moon
Slap Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
Slap the Salami
Squeeze the Cream From the Flesh Twinkie
Tease the Python
The Sticky Page Rhumba
Tickle The Elmo
Tug of War with Cyclops
Tussle with Your Muscle
White Water Wristing
Winding the Jack In The Box
Yank My Doodle (It's a Dandy)


Females:

Beat the Beaver
Dialing the Rotary Phone
Flickin' the Bean
Hitchhiking South
Mauling Matilda
Muffin Buffin'
Paddling the Pink Canoe
Pet The Petunia
Rubbin' the Nubbin
Squeeze the Peach
Teasing the Kitty
Tickling the Taco

And it's all done in the best possible taste!

Why is everyone always going onan on about this?

I'm not having it.

You're right, masturbation is a good thing. Sex is infinitely better, though. OK, best euphemisms;
Male; Choking the chicken.
Female; Playing the upside-down piano.
Such wonderful imagery...

You may think after that last post that I have an obsession with double entendre. Well, you're right! I've got a big one!