h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've just remembered one of the greatest lines of sports commentary ever. some year ago, England were playing a cricket Test Match against the West Indies. The English team included Peter Willey, while the WI side featured the great fast bowler Michael Holding.
Hence the BBC commentator's immortal words: "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey..."

"Nice out, isn't it?"
"Yes, but put it away now, people are watching."
(See also: "Is it cold out?")

Wasn't that a "Morecambe and Wise" sketch...?

"It's nice out here"

"Yes, I think I'll take mine out too"

Back to AC/DC - just about all the songs by Brian Johnson have been either (barely) double entedres or mostly just singles! (see Two's Up, Sink The Pink, Deep in the Hole etc etc - I'm not making this up!)

The late lamented Bon Scott had slighty more style - Big Balls, Rocker, Dirty Deeds and so on.

In a complete co-incidence, I started writing an article on 'Allo 'Allo the other day, then I saw it on TV, then found this!

H&K
Z

The original AC/DC "She's got the jack" was full of card-game double entendres, but by the time they did the live album they gave up, to the extent of having the least subtle single-word line in a song in the English language...

"Ghonorrea!"

(probably mis-spelt, but I'm drunk...)

The Bond movies have made a big contribution to the sounds-a-bit-rude world too. I've just been to see The World Is Not Enough, which all leads up to a last line which must be one of the most groanworthy double entendres in the history of the known universe.

I won't spoil it for you, but I did think there must be a reason for having a chick called Christmas in it...

Films can invoke a fnarr fnarr quite accidentally too..

The film title "Free Willy" always makes me chuckle. Which brings to mind the problems international companies have when releasing their branded products into new countries. The product names can be quite amusing at times. I'll see if can find some examples for you. I'll let you know if I do.

Ah yes, like the popular Spanish brand of coffee Bonka, and the old French favourite, Pschitt lemonade...

And Nova cars in Central America (I think) which means "Won't go"

3

Will Smith released what must be the most immodestly-titled album of all time last year - "Big Willie Style".

...which would tie in nicely (ho ho!) with Public Enemy's track "Can't Truss It"...

Back to Bond for a mo.. One of the films has Miss Moneypenny saying to James.. "Ah.. but you always were a cunning linguist.." (say it..) OOoh er sounds a bit rude.

And then there's the one with Sean Connery at the casino table and the beautiful young blonde walks up and says "Hi, I'm Plenty O'Toole" to which he enquires, "Ah yes, named after your father perhaps?"

I always think that the best Duel Entendres happen to you in real life, I will give a couple of examples..... these really happened.

I was on holiday last year in Turkey and went for a day's scuba diving course. The instructor was a very patronising chubby Welshman, who was his own favourite commedian. He laughed raucously at everything he said - the rest of us just smiled painfully.

When he was explaining about diving into deep water, the technique for equalising the pressure in one's ears was discussed.

"Hold your nose and blow - like you do on an aeroplane." He says.

One of the girls in the group says,

"I don't do that - I swallow. So is it O.K. if I swallow when I go down?"


Yuk Yuk.

My previous fave, was at a "Posh frocks and dinner suits" party that a mate of mine held. My wife and I turned up fashionably late in order that she could make an entrance. She was wearing a figure hugging long black number with a pair of elbow length black velvet gloves. One of the other wives turned to me and said how good my wife looked and......

"I was going to wear some like that, but I've got such a bulbous ring."

Fnarr Fnarr Ferkal Ferkal.

A million seaside post cards can't be wrong!!

Blimey, who revived this forum? Look at all the dust. I'll have to get the vacuum cleaner out and give it all a good old suck.

Give it one for me!!

Do you know that the reason for the failure of the Toyota MR2 to sell in France, a fact which mystified the Japanese marketing men for ages, was because 'M R deux' sounds a lot like 'sh*tty' when said in French.

Wasn't it Kenneth Willians who said that if he saw a duel entendre in a Carry On script he'd "Whip it out straight away"?

MAAAAATRONNNN ! ! !

This conversation seems to have gone a bit flacid, I think we should get it going again.

I was playing on stage in Nuneaton last week, when somebody blundered into my mic stand, which made it droop. I couldn't get it sorted as the next song had just started, so Rachel our singer did it for me. At the end of the song, I announced that it was the first time I'd gone down on stage and thanked Rache for getting me fully erect again. biggrin>



Bassman