h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*still sitting in the back of the room*

What? I didn't do it!

*tips glass of iced tea back and in draining it notices small manling*

What..??

hmmm... IIEM difficulties again it appears. Has Odra been about lately?

*sighs* oh well.. Duty or something calls, so I must be off.

Enjoy, Alien. Good luck, manling. CUL, Irv.

*jingle-ling*

*head only pops back in*

Oh, sorry ox; didn't see you there. My humblest.

And please, Alien, subtrafuge is beneath you. (at least this one)

I really wasn't meaning to pry (much), just that being an addict of the printed word; and of course normally kinda nosey, out of curiosity, just asking. No, I'm not a cat.

*pop*

Good to see you, jr!

Isn't Little Men the title of a book?

I have a little man who comes round to mow the lawn -- I remember my grandmother saying that.

*puts kettle on to boil some of that NZ bottled water for green tea* I reckon I'll skip the IIEM until Irv or CLI do something about it. It seems to suffer from enthusiasm whenever somebody orders something more unusual than usual, if you know what I mean.

Anybody else for green tea?

The strangest part was that I wasn't even talking to it. I was talking to Witty and I said, "So IF I asked IIEM for..." um. etc. etc.

When CLI made this, did it include literalism chip and an evedropping on conversations algorithm? Cuz that could be the problem right there.

It's the self-determination algorithm. A lot of the machines around here are allowed to exercise a little discretion as to when they should perform.

It may be that you were thinking of your boyfriend, and the IIEM picked up the pheromones you were giving off.

*pours some green tea into an earthenware cup and sips happily*

Oh hello all you people who have suddenly appeared!

Having a nice day?

*throws the dice, looking very concentrated*

Yes! One pawn safe at home, at last...

*stretching, getting stiff crouching over Ludo board*

That reminds me -- I brought Ook some lychees.

I haven't had time to visit the cafe in ages...

Lil, please give those lychees, it might help distracting his mind from the Ludo board...

*noticing Ook already has TWO pawns safe at home*

Woah! Lil, are you telling me that IIEM can SMELL me? And determine at that point what it is I want?

That... is a beautiful and frightening thing...

Here you are, fella, snack time. Have you been living off the watermelons in your garden?

Ook: Ook!

CD, that's how it works with guys, isn't it? Why not with the babel fish inside the IIEM?

NOTE ON READING AND A CLARIFICATION OF THE CAFÉ'S HISTORY:

Reading is alright in the café. It is encouraged. You don't want to know what book Alien is reading. So stop asking. It's her buisness.

And someone (I think Jr, but I'm not sure) had something slightly mixed up -- the Irving Washington Book Nook used to be part of the café, but is now a seperate page. There's a big hole in the wall (I'm not sure where, anymore) which leads to the Swimming pool at the H2G2 Waterworks. Both the Waterworks and the Café used to be (and still, technically, are I believe) wholly owned parts of Frink's Drinks, the clubhouse for the Rambling Misfits. I never hear anything about the Rambling Misfits anymore, though... Anyone know if they're still around?

Oh, and Lil? The IIEM is operating normally. When it hears people talking ABOUT it, and then making something that SOUNDS LIKE a request, it interprets that as a direct order. Just don't say things like:

"So, hypothetically if I asked the IIEM to throw a bannanna cream pie at my face..."

*Irv's speech is cut short by a bannanna cream pie, originating from the IIEM, hitting him in the face*

See what I mean?

*wanders in*
Hello
Coffee please.
*goes and sits down*

*continues reading*

*sounds of bells tingeling*
*enters cafeteria with head high and back straight*

Greetings everyone!

*looks around, notices noone apart from an alien reading a very secret book, and a fairyqueen deeply involved with a game of ludo*
*lowers shoulders*

ok

IIEM: coffee.

*Sits down at the centermost table, and waits for more guests to arrive*

Bzzzzzzzzzz
*She came in through the bathroom window*
Good morning JAR!

*Consentrates*
IIEM. I. Want. A. Cup. Of. Coffe. Please.