h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok, Vestibules!

Inspired by our spiritual sister Fenchurch's magnificent testament, I wish to offer...

THE BOOK OF ORMONDROYD

Chapter 1

1) And it came to pass that in the length and breadth of the land of Brit-ain, temples of Mammon did appear.

2) And these temples were known as Sup-er-mar-kets.

3) And within these temples there were many aisles.

4) But, in each temple, the greatest of these aisles was called the Cakes & Con-fec-tion-ery aisle.

5) And yea, verily, the people of Brit-ain did flock to these aisles.

6) For they liked a bit of sweet stuff. Know what I mean, Vicar?

Chapter 2

1) And lo, amongst those who flocked to the temples were many who were ignorant of the BROWNIE.

2) And they didst gorge themselves upon false idols.

3) And among these false idols were the Layer Cake, the Swiss Roll, and the Sticky Bun.

4) And there were those whose sinfulness knew no bounds, and who were tempted even by the Battenberg.

5) Which is an abomination unto the BROWNIE.

Chapter 3

1) It came to pass that a grate and noble leader did emerge from amongst the people of Brit-ain.

2) And he did lead the people to the temples, and did say: "Lo, there is the Way, the Truth, and the BROWNIE."

3) And the people didst marvel at his words. And they took the BROWNIE home, and anointed it with chocolate flakes.

4) And sometimes with cream.

5) And the people of Brit-ain rejoiced.

6) For theirs was the BROWNIE, the chocolate and the walnuts. For ever and ever, AMEN.

(Here endeth the Book of Ormondroyd).

Who is this great man (or woman) of which you speak? Cos I thought I started the church, and I live in Utah. But even the Arch Bishop is a fallible man. My fellow Brothers and Sisters in Brownie, you are the heart and soul of this organization. Show me the light! -Archbishop Marv

Your physical form may be far away, Your Grateness, but your word has reached us in this benighted land.
And I cannot believe that you are fallible when it really matters. What are you trying to tell us here?
I can hardly bring myself to type these words.
You haven't... (shudder) ...eaten a Blonde Brownie, have you?

WOW!!! I'm soo impressed, Ormandroyd! . I see the light!

But I've got a problem with Brit-ain, too. I think at least 1/3 of the congregation is from the US... we *could* all flock to Brit-ain, but ould the Brit-ish really want that?!

I was merely recounting the tale of how the Gospel of the Brownie reached Brit-ain. I do not doubt that there are similar tales to be told from other unholy lands. Indeed, you yourself have already provided a powerful and stirring testament from another part of the globe.
The Brownie is everywhere.

Nay the Blonde Brownie has never been made that has passed my lips. But hearken to my words, even I have slipped from the path in the past. We must be vigilant in our efforts to keep the evil brownies at bay.

That is perhaps the most beautiful thing that I have ever read! (Sorry, Fenny. Hope this doesn't ruin my chance for a position in your cabinet. ) I am truly awed, Ormondroyd!

Gee (blushes) thanks, Gw7en!
Of course, though, the real thanks are due to the Brownie, the eternal source of divine inspiration.

The Brownie gives us everything. We just have to learn to recognize the Brownie in each of us.

I think that Ormondroyd is about to earn a new title. How does "Prophet" Ormondroyd ring in yer ears?

sounds pretty good to these ears! Congrats, Ormondroyd!

What can I say?
As long as you don't expect me to forecast winning lottery numbers or give reliable weather forecasts, I will be proud to be your Prophet.
Hallelujah and praise the Brownie!

BTW, on the subject of new titles: I sent a message to Peta yesterday suggesting that she might like to be dubbed "Community Brownie Distributor". She replied approvingly, so you might like to add that to the list of the Brotherhood and Sisterhood.

And so it came to pass that Ormondroyd was dubbed Prophet! ad Peta our community Brownie distirbuter.

I feel current scripture fails to properly address the dualistic nature of our faith. For while our religion is resplendent with the Light of Truth, it is from the Darkness of the True Brownie that this Light emerges. Just as the burning coal gives off heat and light, so too our True Brownie gives us nourishment and a sugar rush.

"And so it came to pass that the Many base ingredients were blended into One dark, rich substance,
And all who were there, partook of the Brownie, and knew it to be True, and were filled with Truth,
And so it came to pass that the Many became One, and from Darkness came Light,
And all who were there, knew it to be True and knew it to be Eternal."

- from "The Apocrypha of Mustapha the Apronkeeper"