h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Age 6 or 7 ?

From time to time I take the mirror from Mum and Dad's bedroom and lock myself in the bathroom. I place it on the floor. It tilts. I then make a bed of loo paper, squat over the paper and watch myself pooing. I watch as the dough like lumps slip from my bum and drop lifeless onto the floor. Part of me as it emerges, squeezing out as my anus stretches like the shutter bit on Dad's camera when he takes the lens off. It might be alive, being part of me, but when it breaks it dies.

Curiosity satisfied I wrap the plops (small ones) and poos (bigger ones) in the loo paper and flush them away.

My books on the body don't tell me anything about this.

From time to time I go to hospital to be x-rayed. I’m not allowed breakfast, then I have to swallow a jug full of white gloopy stuff. They then watch it in my tummy. When it comes out it looks like poodle poo.