h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Here is my policy statement for my nomination for the post of Mayor.
I am a man of few words (though a few people will disagree with this) so I will be brief. As Mayor I will bring a new order to things. My goals are as follows:-
Firstly, been sober within the city lmits will be illegal. Anyone found in a non-intoxicated state will be arrested and taken to the nearest public house where they will be given enuff alcohol to drop a rhino.
Secondley, fish licensing will become mandatory. This is for the protection of fish to make sure that any live fish in your ownership are cared for properley
Thirdly, and this is something close to my heart, a height curfew of 5 feet and 7 inches will be imposed. Anyone found breaking curfew will have the height surgically removed from them so they comply with the new ruling. The person in question can decide wether they want it off there head or feet. Either that or someone can buy me some stilts.
Fourthly, Bring back leeches to medicine
This concludes my policy outline. I am open to bribery and corruption and will do (just about) anything to guarentee your votes
Thankyou

Ok Shorty Your resume is now up!(Including correction of s/p mistakes Now I need your publicity shot for the *Rogues Gallery*!
shazz

All I have to say to this latest latecomer to the event is, "Short people go no buisness..." etc. ect.

Why use my breath, when Randy Newman says it so succeintly?

da Baron
A goldfish in every pocket!

Spellng mistakes???...your such teacher aint you Shazz . You said nowt aboot bean correkt in me spolling and grammer . As for the piccie, I'll have to see what I can do. And as for you Baron, we'll let the voters decide. World leaders have always been short, just look at history, Napolean, Gorbachev, King Hussain of Jordan....I think your just scared you won't have the muscle to beat me. And do you have a license for that

You condemn yourself with your examples of what happens when you give short people a bit of power! They go MAD! They want to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

And THATS simply WRONG! Especially when I'VE been plotting to take over the world for all these years! It's MINE, y'hear me? First London, then Luxemborg, then Alexandria, THEN THE WORLD!

Fenchurch and I shall excercise our benign dictatorship from our cozy little ABANDONED MISSLE SILO in the Mojave desert!

HEIL HERRING!

Uh, I mean... what was the subject again? Self-medication? Right! I believe in the right of every human being to SELF-MEDICATE, as long as antibiotics are taken according to directions! Anybody who develops a new strain of gonorreah shall be forced to endure the painful drips for the rest of their lives!

da Baron
A goldfish in every pocket!

Before you ask (and mostly because it would be very embarrassing if you *didn't* ask), here's my mugshot: http://www.i-way.co.uk/~gchapman/pictures/guy.jpeg

And whats wrong with been mad and trying to take over the world???...I thought that was part of the qualifications for the post

Nothing's wrong with trying to take over the world, Shorty- just it's completely BEEN DONE so many times by SHORT PEOPLE! It's tres passe! The whole short dictator thingy, y'know?

AHA! ~gchapman eh? Another latecomer to the race, and an ex-pythoner to boot! Obviously a prime candidate for the Daily Dirt! See that Shazz? Another ACTOR running for office!

I supposed you've got this bloody great idea for weapons platforms in the sky, eh? Last actor who stood for office in the US did...



da Baron
A goldfish in every pocket!

Lets nuke it!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

So, would this height curfew apply to people of 5 foot seven and above or five foot seven and below? Not that it bothers me, I would just like to know how much I have to crane my neck.
As to certain people complaining about short world leaders, I will savage his knee caps if he tries anything. I have ruled my little corner of the civilised north with a fair and even army of jack booted minions, with no complaints from anyone of substance.
Finally, should you be succesful in your campaign, I will gladly aid you in any moves towards independance you may consider, for a share of the beer import/export trade, naturally.

Ah, yes, found the new sight baron... miss the old one though...

Munchkins? Little People? Maybe I should have read this forum

*glint appears in upper right corner of eye- wait, no, that was a piece of sand that the sand man left, right before he realized Sporkulious Eglon never sleeps

I am not related to Graham Chapman, although I do have a cousin called Graeme Chapman. Neither am I related to Chapman Pincher, Roy Chapman Andrews or Dave Chapman, who was Anneka Rice's sound man - although I did work at the desk next ot his dad Neal Chapman for some years. And I wasn't related to him either.

Could be worse. My name could be Ploppy....

"This is a message from Genetic Control
It is my sad duty to inform you
Of a four-foot restriction on humanoid height!

They say the directors of Genetic Control
Have been buying alternatives, taking risks oh so bold
It's said now that people will be shorter in height
They can fit twice as many
On the same building site

They say it's alright

And beginning with the tenants of the town of Harlow
In the interests of humanity
I'm afraid you must go...."

From memory, though, so not necessarily 100% accurate

Whats wrong with Harlow?!
shazz

Ask Mike

Our Shorty is lacking in height
Which might hold him back in this fight
When stood behind Guy
We can all hear him cry:
You buggers! I'm hidden from sight!

I've never heard that one.... I only remember 2 things off the top of my head:

Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimbel in the wabes
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe

Beware the jabberwock my son,
the jaws that bite, the claws that catch
Beware the jub-jub bird and shun
The frumious bandersnatch

He took his vorpal sword in hand,
long time the manxome foe he sought
Til rested he, by the tum-tum tree
And stood a while in thought...

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The jabberwock came whiffling through the tulgy wood,
and burlbled as it came

One two! One two! Through and through..
The vorpal blade went snicker snatch
He left it dead, and with its head,
He came gallumphing back

Hast thou slain the jabberwock?
Oh, come to my arms, my beamish boy!
Frabulous day, callough, callay,
He chortled in his joy

Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabes,
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe

Should I post the other? Same author... I imagine I'm missing the point here...

*shruggs

Oh well

LOL.....Who's Mike?!....and have you got icq btw?!
shazz ;

LOL ...Like it. If i'm sucessful in my campaign you can be official poet...