h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ah well, it's off to the land o' the blarney tomorrow for a bit of the craic. A week spent visiting Dublin, Limerick, Cork, Lismore, Waterford, Oughterard, Galway, Kilkenny, Ballina and more. More dodging Mad Micks in Mercs during the day and imbibing the lovely black stuff by night. The best Guinness I ever had was by a roadside pub near Tralee. I wonder if I'll match it this time.

I'm wanting to bring back a souvenir for the office girls. Any suggestions? The cheaper & tackier the better , 'cos they're those sort of girls.

I have no notions of souvenirs, 'cause I ain't been there. But if YOU come up with good ones? We ought to land at Dublin's airport on September 11th, and have a couple of days there.

I am similarly devoid of souvenir suggestions, but I was just reminded of something pertaining to the dark liquidy goodness that I shall not be enjoying for a while.

Is there such a thing as a porno leprechaun? I'm sure porno leprechauns would go down well with the office ladies.

Porno-leprechauns sound interestingly unique, but just exactly HOW would I define one on the customs label to ship it back to Canada?

Cultural attaches?

Nawwww, ... Despite my 30-plus years of military and national stuff, I don't quite rate an 'attache' tag. Though I HAVE been kicked about worse than most luggage. Does that count?

It's the little green dolls with the "Made in Hong Kong" stickers that you want to look out for. Or maybe one of those massive tricolour hats.

http://images.google.ie/imgres?imgurl=http://www.oxonshamrockcsc.co.uk/images/Hat.JPG&imgrefurl=http://www.oxonshamrockcsc.co.uk/merchandising.htm&h=108&w=122&sz=5&hl=en&start=0&um=1&tbnid=XfxpQOS4m8NIxM:&tbnh=79&tbnw=89&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtricolour%2Bhat%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26cr%3DcountryIE%26sa%3DN

http://cgi.ebay.ie/Irish-Fisherman-Hat-Irish-Flag-St-Patricks-Day-Gift_W0QQitemZ260093970369QQihZ016QQcategoryZ131626QQtcZphotoQQcmdZViewItem

http://images.google.ie/imgres?imgurl=http://lettertoamerica.podbus.com/pictures/St%2520Patricks%2520Day%2520Belfast%2520NI%25207.jpg&imgrefurl=http://lettertoamerica.blogs.com/letter_to_america/2007/03/st_patricks_day_5.html&h=243&w=341&sz=76&hl=en&start=0&um=1&tbnid=-KTOnyIadlZhdM:&tbnh=99&tbnw=139&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtricolour%2Bhat%2Bpatrick%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26cr%3DcountryIE

http://images.google.ie/imgres?imgurl=http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41449000/jpg/_41449902_shamrock_pa203.jpg&imgrefurl=http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/low/programmes/politics_show/4812530.stm&h=300&w=203&sz=28&hl=en&start=0&um=1&tbnid=nqLefnwGgNS_DM:&tbnh=116&tbnw=78&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtricolour%2Bhat%2Bpatrick%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26cr%3DcountryIE

TRiG.

Oh yeah, we GOTTA get us some of those hats in the last 2 links.

I have to admit, I was thinking more of http://www.annaleegallery.com/product.html?t_q=169307

I'm leaving in two hours & thought I'd just check the forecast -

http://thepeacetrain.org/PeaceGallery/Humor/IrishWeatherMachine

Yep, the weather IS looking good for ye then.

Well then, what a coincidence. My son is in Limerick this week, Stop by and say hello for me!

For cheap gifts, I always go with a picture of myself somewhere at the vacation site. Sort of saying na, na, na-boo-boo to those left behind.

Some clearer shots:

http://lettertoamerica.podbus.com/pictures/St%20Patricks%20Day%20Belfast%20NI%205.jpg

http://lettertoamerica.podbus.com/pictures/St%20Patricks%20Day%20Belfast%20NI%204.jpg

TRiG.

They seem to come in one size, ... ing HUGE !!!

Yes. That's rather the idea, I gather.

TRiG.

I have to wonder how collapseable they might be ... Trans-Atlantic, we have limited luggage allowance. And the plane seats don't have that much head-room.

I don't see that as a problem, they look big enough to be your seat.

HEY !!! I had not thought of that. A 7+ hour flight does get to be a bit of a pain in the 'fundament'. Hmmmmm .....

Well, I made it back & I bought the gifts. An inflatable Irishman, a leprechaun finger puppet, Irish sweets and an Irish alarm clock. The alarm clock is a candle with numbered lines every inch along its length. What you do is insert the candle in your backside to the line corresponding with the number of hours you want to sleep. You then lie down face-first & light the candle ...

An interesting week. The highlight was when I was trying to find a rural address near Westport. It wasn't on my map and the sat-nav didn't have a clue so I stopped at a small roadside garage in the middle of nowhere. I went inside and found two old men and an old woman. Despite the heat of the day, the men were wearing thick tweed jackets and flatcaps whilst the old woman wore a dress of indeterminate age covered by a t-shirt bearing the legend "I might". I asked if they could help me find the address.

Have you ever seen "Snatch"? Do you know the character played by Brad Pitt? You know the indecipherable accent he used in that film? Imagine that, in triplicate. All 3 launched into a babble that I just could not make out. Worse, it was spoken at about 100mph by three people who had less teeth between them than I have points on my driving license. At the end of about two minutes of bewildering noise that sounded like 3 terriers gargling frogs, one guy pointed North, the other pointed South and the woman just shrugged.

Seeing my bewilderment, the woman asked if I had a name I was looking for, so I told her the name of the customer. This brought another two minutes or so of whooping and gargling as the three of them argued about who it might be, before a concensus was reached. This time, all three pointed North and the woman told me to drive about four miles "...until you come to Dan O'Shaugnessy's place" (Not his real name, but it was equally as Irish)

"Now you'll know Dan's place because it's the biggest house there."
"Ah but", interjected one of the men, "there's a lot of big houses there"
"Yes but, everybody knows Dan's house. It's on the left and it's white. You go past Dan's and the place you want is the third cottage"

With this, I set off. A few miles up the road I slowed down and checked every house I passed. They were all white, all on the left and all big. Finally I found the cottage I was looking for. It was bright pink, a point that no-one at the garage had thought to mention. Every other house I had passed was white.