h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When I hear about two seagulls chasing a squirrel, I automatically assume the squirrel was guilty of something! Squirrels are somewhat unique in that they deliberately try to cheat each other. They also cheat oak trees (the trees are probably not amused).

Heck. Squirrels are the original nurserymen. They plant trees all over the place. They don't remember where they put them, contrary to those nutty adverts with Post-It-notes.

Elektra gets so mad. We find baby walnut trees all over the yard, and we don't want anymore! Every time a squirrel grabs a black walnut and runs out of the yard, she cheers. 'Go, go! Plant that somewhere else!'

There's a very large oak tree in my neighbor's yard (in fact, it's right next to his house). To say that little oak seedlings pop up all over my yard would be an understatement. Another neighbor simply lets the little oaks grow. She say's she'll wait for them to get about three feet high, and then trim them as a sort of hedge. I think she's underestimating the persistence of oaks.

Another persistent tree is the catalba. It's a very attractive tree with big, heart-shaped leaves and interesting bean-like pods, but it always seems to plant itself where you really don't want any trees .

Do your catawba (catalpa) trees get catawba worms (caterpillars)? They do in Tennessee, and they're creepy.

My grandfather played a joke on us kids once. He told us catawba worms were the best bait in the world. We fished all day using the disgusting things. Worse when wet. No fish bit, because they will not eat them.

We complained to Granddaddy. He chuckled and said, 'You have to turn them inside out.'

And the granddaddy tales keep a comin'!

Yes, that's going to be a good challenge.

Certainly is.

(considers the inside out catawba worm)

(pours a brandy)

(sips brandy)

(considers the inside out catawba worm)(again)

(surrenders all attempted hold on reality)

Catawbas are an indigenous tribe located near Rock Hill, South Carolina.

They can also be a type of grapes used for wine.

Catalpa is a genus of trees. They were named by the Catawbas.

There is a Northern Catalpa species, and a Southern one. The Northern one:
http://plants.usda.gov/core/profile?symbol=CASP8

The southern one:
http://plants.usda.gov/core/profile?symbol=cabi8

The northern one is native to Texas, while the southern one is native to Maine. There are more than twenty states where both species are native.

Yeah, true. In Tennessee, at least, people call those 'catalpas', 'catawbas'. North Carolina, too, as far as I recall. Same as the Native American group. My grandfather always called the caterpillars 'catawba worms'.

I used to live not far from Rock Hill.

They're nice trees. Too bad they don't choose better places to grow

<musicalnote"

I say Catalba and you say Catawba.
I say ABBA, and you say AWBA.
Catalba, Catawba,
ABBA, AWBa.
let's call the whole thing off.

Funny story: I used to do public affairs programming for a local radio station. They had to do it, it was a law, and the station was licenced out of our small town, but really served the big city (Charlotte). So they bought the tapes off me, and ran them in the wee hours of the morning. I figured nobody heard them.

One day at the college I taught at, I got a phone call. The man was interested in the in-depth interview I did with an anthropologist from the museum. The listener said he was part Catawba and would like to know more about his heritage. I gave him the anthropologist's phone number at the museum.

I asked him, 'How did you manage to hear this programme?'

He said, 'I work graveyard shift at the BMW plant in Spartanburg. We listen to the radio while we work to stay awake. I catch all your shows.' Now I knew my audience: bored auto workers.

As Tom Lehrer used to say, "The out patients are out in force tonight."

There may also be insomniacs in your listening area. This time of year, when the temperature starts going above 90 F even in Boston, there may be people who are up simply because it's too hot to sleep.

True. I used to do a late-evening poetry-and-new-age-music hour on Fridays. I found out stoned students were listening in approval.

You have to be pretty hip to please them. I would take my hat off to you, Dmitri, were it not that my hat is too full of rabbits .

Fortunately, there are no rabid woodchucks there.