h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The notice said 'This is a rare example of an early diving suit.'

What it didn't say is that these diving suits were rare because they were so heavy most of the men who ventured into them never made it back to the surface.

AW! Come on! It's years since I did that underwater scene with Roger Moore as James Bond, let me outI'm hungry and want a pee!

"Protect yourself from the government's thought-control rays with a brain shield. Just $24.00 inside"

I'm shocked no-one has gone for the obvious:

'So long, and thanks for all the fish'

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'In case of flood, break glass'.

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But everyone is assuming it is designed for humans to visit underwater creatures when in fact it was built to allow underwater inhabitants to walk on dry land. The plaque reads:

'One small step for mermaids, one giant leap for mermaidkind'

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'And Cher was sealed in this living tomb for the rest of her life as just punishment for 1990 film 'Mermaids'…'

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'These prototype diving suits were difficult to climb into and in order to wear them operators had to don the suit in a special order. They would put their left leg in, take the left leg out - in, out, in, out and shake it all about. They'd climb up inside it and turn around, and that's what it's all about.'

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Man: Darling, I'm just walking to work in my new suit.
Wife: But you work on the Mainland, dear!
Man: Exactly.

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Despite the unprecedented success of the diving suit, the matching diving bowler hat failed to take off...

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I know the ad said 'For sale - mobile home for one', but I was picturing something bigger…

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Do YOU worry your partner may be unfaithful? Then YOU need to get them the chastity suit – it prevents ALL kissing, hugging, cuddling, snoodling, spooning, fondling, groping, heavy petting, ducking, bombing and intercourse and is 99% more effective than the leading competing chastity belt. Order yours now and get a free tree-shaped air freshener installed absolutely free!

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I liked the tree-shaped air freshener.

I rather liked he one about punishing Cher for her part in "Mermaids."

But mam/dad all I wanted was an action man toy for xmas, I'm only 6 yrs old

Angered after centuries of being shoved down people's ears, this horribly beweaponed battlesuit led the babelfish to their first decisive victory in their fight for freedom.

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"I knew the air pollution here was bad, but this is ridiculous."

Hello? Is that the dry cleaners? I wonder if you can clean and press my suit...?

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To reassure inhabitants of Cowes following the Floating Bridge's reputation for constantly breaking down, the Isle of Wight Council proudly unveiled their invention to let passengers get off the bridge and push.

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'Does my bum look big in this?'

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