h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Must be Rocky love, be up in a minute" he shouted upstairs, his wife hated people ringing this late.

He unplugged the phone from its charger on the kitchen worktop and swiped the screen.

@FWR hi. Got message.ty.

@starrider Soz star rider, don't know login, who u?

@FWR lol. Thanks for invite.let u know when we are arriving. Looking 4ward to it!

@starrider Soz mate, think you have wrong account!

@FWR NOPE, be there 72 hrs. Been a good run!

@starrider You're not one of the bikers we met France last year?

@FWR wot is biker?

@starrider rofl!

@FWR and wot a France?

@starrider. Yeah things did get a bit blurry Pmsl

@FWR My president says we can make 48 if no stops. C u in two!

@starrider prez? So you ARE a club? That bar in La Rochelle?

@FWR .? Please make space for a parking

@starrider have a big drive and garage for "a parking" bud!

@FWR all good. Vehicle needs big space! Lol

@starrider They do tend to get big with all ur stuff strapped on, esp if you have big cruiser!

@FWR just mid size cruiser here. Run not long enough to justify BIG one! Lol

@starrider riding that far, I'd go for big one!

@FWR U not THAT far! Lol

@starrider Cool. Tell u what, will get lads together and show you around?

@FWR splendid indeed! Prez wants to see everything.

@starrider. Don't know about everything mate but have a few days off so some decent roads and good bars?

@FWR whatever u deem suitable. Will be interesting. Second in Command getting location from your device. May be prob parking there!

@starrider have space for 8 or 10

@FWR SOZ will need at least 30.

@starrider. Jeez, big run! Mate has a garage, may fit another twenty?

@FWR require 30. Won't get parked safely with less.

@starrider. 10 here, 20 at Rommels?

@FWR IMPOSSIBLE.

@starrider. Ok bud. U kinda dropped this on me, trying to accommodate, but feel free to go somewhere else!

@FWR YOUR invite , need suitable landing site of 30 sq km. you have 48 earth hours.

@starrider ha ha! Will do my best! You crack me up!

@FWR. Send coordinates. We look 4ward to meeting you FWR, Earth Leader, our President sends respects to you and your people. We sure this will be start of intergalactic friendship.

@starrider. Lol. Yeah mate. Look forwards to seeing you and your club, should be a blast! Ride safe. Give us a bell when you land.

@FWR star rider out.



Forty seven hours later FWR and thirty square kilometres of Cheshire were obliterated when a medium sized space cruiser set down on his drive.

The cruiser was mostly unharmed!

I think you saw the same 'news' I did yesterday.

Something about Voyager having maps leading to Earth, and how dangerous that was...? In the 'Daily Mail'?

I made a Gheorgheniplex cartoon out of it for September.

This is simply wonderful. I'll have to 'steal' it for .

Didn't actually see anything in the news DG, guess it's just my usual bright outlook!

You're prescient.

This goes in for 4 September.

Do you want to do the picture?

Have emailed you DG

They seem like nice creatures, though.
... Apart from the parking problems, of course.

For a minute I thought "DG" referred to Deutsche Grammophon.

Then I realized my Gramma doesn't have a phone, so it must mean Dmitri.

Space cruisers probably need a lot of space. It's part of their name, after all.