h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
King James Bible << Luke 2:14 >>

KZ


I looked and I saw the glory of the LORD filling the temple of the LORD, and I fell face down.
EZEKIEL 44.4

Alleluliah!

14 And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beer-sheba.
15 And the water was spent in the bottle, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs.
16 And she went, and sat her down over against him a good way off, as it were a bowshot: for she said, Let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against him, and lift up her voice, and wept.
17 And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is.
18 Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation.
19 And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink.
Genesis 21

This "well of water" still flows in Macca. It's called zam-zam water. Pilgrims (Hajis) drink this water along with the local dates.
The Haj rituals are based around this story in genesis, which tells us of the two great nations of Isaac and Ishmael.

** God is alone the King **

24And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.

25And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.
Genesis 32:26-30

26And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

27And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.

28And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.

29And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there.

30And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.

Jacob wrestles with a *very* anthropomorphic god. (Before anybody says 'it's just an angel', Jacob clearly thought he'd 'seen God face to face'. And, of course, Jacob's new name Israel is about God, not an angel.)

Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.


Psalm 137:9

I think we had that one earlier in this conversation, Slapjack. Charming, isn't it?

TRiG.

Jesus said, “If those who lead you say to you,’Lord, the kingdom is in the sky,’then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you,’It is in the sea,’then the fish will precede you.”

Rather, the kingdom is inside you, and is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father.

Jesus said, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”


The Gospel of Thomas

Blessed are they who have suffered and found life.
Blessed are the hungry, for the belly of him who desires will be filled.
Blessed are the poor, for yours is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Selected beatitudes: Matt 5:4-10, Thomas 58, 69

'I have sent you this because you inquire about the reality of the Authorities.

Their chief is blind; because of his Power and his ignorance and his arrogance he said, with his Power, "It is I who am God; there is none apart from me."

When he said this, he sinned against the Entirety. And this speech got up to Incorruptibility; there there was a voice that came forth from Incorruptibility, saying "You are mistaken, Samael" -- which is, "God of the blind."'


The Hypostasis of the Archons

God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned.

2 Thessalonians 2:11-12

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.

Ezekiel 23:20-21

Here is an ongoing list of a few of my favourites:
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It is impossible for God to lie.
Hebrews 6:18

O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy.
2 Samuel 7:28



Sovereign LORD, how completely you have deceived this people.
Jeremiah 4:10

O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived.
Jeremiah 20:7

Plainly the 2 Samuel verse is a lie. What's your problem?

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Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.



Ephesians 5

I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.


Song of Solomon 5:5

A63978961

Any takers on this thread to guess at which section (not 'verse', as I mistakenly put on a different thread) I am saving for Week 52 as the most offensive in the whole Bible?

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Proverbs 4
Wisdom Is Supreme
1 Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding.
2 I give you sound learning,
so do not forsake my teaching.

3 When I was a boy in my father's house,
still tender, and an only child of my mother,

4 he taught me and said,
"Lay hold of my words with all your heart;
keep my commands and you will live.

5 Get wisdom, get understanding;
do not forget my words or swerve from them.

6 Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
love her, and she will watch over you.

7 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, [a] get understanding.

8 Esteem her, and she will exalt you;
embrace her, and she will honor you.

9 She will set a garland of grace on your head
and present you with a crown of splendor."

10 Listen, my son, accept what I say,
and the years of your life will be many.

11 I guide you in the way of wisdom
and lead you along straight paths.

12 When you walk, your steps will not be hampered;
when you run, you will not stumble.

13 Hold on to instruction, do not let it go;
guard it well, for it is your life.

14 Do not set foot on the path of the wicked
or walk in the way of evil men.

15 Avoid it, do not travel on it;
turn from it and go on your way.

16 For they cannot sleep till they do evil;
they are robbed of slumber till they make someone fall.

17 They eat the bread of wickedness
and drink the wine of violence.

18 The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

19 But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
they do not know what makes them stumble.

20 My son, pay attention to what I say;
listen closely to my words.

21 Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;

22 for they are life to those who find them
and health to a man's whole body.

23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

24 Put away perversity from your mouth;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

25 Let your eyes look straight ahead,
fix your gaze directly before you.

26 Make level [b] paths for your feet
and take only ways that are firm.

27 Do not swerve to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.

I'm surprised at the verses you find offensive; no, that's not it

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