h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well bit of an akward subject, but hey... I don´t know any other way of expressing how I am feeling...

The stories is this: My girlfriend and me have been together for about 1,5 years. We have bee seeing each other quite a lot and had loads of fun. But in last few months, due to being overworked and stress in general, we had a lot less to talk about except work. We went on holiday just two weeks ago and had a few huge arguments. Trying to find a solution we decided on not seeing each other that often anymore (not every day). I was fine with that decision, which we made last friday. On this very friday a friend of hers came to visit her over the weekend. I wasn´t left aside, she always wanted me to come with them and all that. But i was behaving like a complete §$%&§$, behavin like a kid whose sweets had been stolen and believing that it (whatever it was, that bugged me) was all her fault. It wasn´t until I made her cry yesterday evening that I realized what a §$%&/$% I was being. We talked about it, I apologized, but still I feel very bad...

I´ve been writing for some time and actuially wanted to ask you guys to help me. But I don´t even know what help to ask for...

So, I guess if anyone has an opinion onm it, it´s going to be enough... or so..

194376

It's cause we only have too brain cells and both of them are keeping our eyes open

Perhaps men would be a lot less stupid if they didn't blame their entire sex for their own failings.

hmm..... well... right, it would be a start, wouldn´t it

And I changed it now... *apologizes to any man who reads thbis thread*

194376

Man can be stupid, dense, childish

but women can be manipulative, controlling and demeaning towards men

I can make a list of positive attributes as well if anyone would like me to?! Just for balance!

Well, in my divorce my husband has put that I said to a friend that "men are stupid". Is that a divorceable offence? Surely I'm entitled to my own opinion!! When it comes to court, I wonder if he is going to produce a number of 'non-stupid' men in evidence....

How is your girlfriend feeling now? Is she normal or acting a bit cold? In either case, I would do something nice. Not too big cos it would be too embarrassing if it was all flung in your face. Just a nice thing which she will appreciate.

god knows how I have come to think this will help but you might as well try.

An even better solution to your problem would be not to do it again.

(god I can't even stop all these stupid bits of advice)

sorry. Why not try it?

If this seems too daft then ignore me.

The next time your girlfriend does something stupid be magnanamous(sorry but I'm too rushed to check spellings) and try to be adult about it.This is your chance to be on a learning curve and demonstrate that you can behave in a sensible manner.

Incog.

Speaking as a m*n (censoring the word is for another forum, possibly) I think I know your problem.

Groveling will not get you out but explanation will. Explanation of what led you to what you did.

If you were brought up like most (every?) other m*n in 'modern' times then you probably swallow most of what erks you until you gag and throw it all back up.

We m*n rarely have a happy medium. There are thoseset off by any little thing and then those that swallow it and explode when full.

You have to keep in mind that men, just like women, have a lot to go through. Most of us men also feel that we have *more* to go through than women, so this "stupidity" on the part of the men ought to be acceptable.

If a woman, as has been deemed manipulative above, can tap into a man's psychology, it makes things easier. Men are simply too lazy to do that.

Remember that thing about men being able to concentrate on one thing at a time, and the capability of women to multitask? Look at it here: The guy's probably got something on his mind.

Just my 9.7 cents.

Hope I get all the names right, so here goes (in no particular order):

@THE FROG:

something, on my mind... yeah maybe, allthough I dunno what it is yet...

@The one and only Incognitas who is dead chuffed that she has learned how to do custom shapes in a certain soft ware package.

Absolutely right, thats exactly what I was planning to do. But I am not quite sure if I am able to do that....

@Rainbow

He won´t, it´s just not possible and having an own opinion? No way, no opinion for anybody, thats my opinion

@Doubting Salmon

I dunno how she is feeling, can´t look inside her, can I? But she is acting quite normal. Regarding doing something nice... well, I guess I did. I cooked dinner last night (she just loves my duck in orange sauce) and talked. I just tried to explain. Thing is, I had my first day at work after two weeks of holidays yesterday and it would have been a hell of a day even without that. I nearly lost my job during my holiday, just on account on not being with the company long enough. We talked about this first and it gave me the chance to explain how I am feeling at the moment. I am not sure I think she understood it. I feel quite grown up now , but I am not sure if I can keep behaving like an adult.

Any advice on not behaving like a little child again?
(Allthough I quite like to be childish, it´s a good excuse to get all those nifty little gadgets and upgrades for my computer)

194376

Hmm... I'd say that's pretty normal... I've certainly caught myself acting like a spoilt brat from time to time. Relationships are complicated, they're not supposed to be *too* easy

Hmm. Yep, I'd say the important thing is to be able to talk about it, explain, say you do care, you do understand she needs to be able to spend time with friends, etc... and doing something nice is a definite plus...

It sounds like you've already done all that, so, I'll be quiet

How to avoid doing it again... hrm... ponder... you could ask her to be honest and tell you when you're acting stupid, if you think you could take that without just getting angry, not easy... other than that, hrm, not much I can think of...

But, you obviously care, you obviously want to do the right thing, an' with both of those, I'd say your chances are pretty good

Talk.

Women do it all the time and aren't so scared to show and say what they are feeling.

Men seem to think it's a dirty word.

Tell us what is on your mind - don't bottle it up and let it all out in a huge argument.

It sounds strange, but *not* talking is almost as bad as lying. You are keeping something inside you that might not seem so bad if you tell us about it.

Don't hope it will all go away - it won't.

Good luck

Gee, you look like you really care about her Never heard men calling himself stupid in such situation really... Niether heard women execept my really closed friends who would never ever tell about it somebody else (their boyfriends uncluded).

I'd just say that's it's real nice that you've had a talk. It should help The solution to the problem like that is only to be aware of how the other side reactes to your tantrums and try to make sure they wont be hurt too much (unless you want them to). And always express your feelings and emotions - thats what makes a good relationship great one.

So it's not about men or women or in this case you beeing stupid - it's all about making mistakes (smart people also make mistakes, but, not like stupid people, they learn from them - plain thing to say, but who cares )!!! Just try not to let it happen again.

@lady

Well, I did a lot of talking on sunday, hbut it turned out to be a load of c**p. I certainly tried to communicate my feelings, thoughts and stuff but now I realized that those were the "wrong" feelings.

So I am not quite sure if it wouldn´t have been easier if I just kept my mouth shut. Afterall it´s the thing that startet everything and it´s definitely the way I made her feel, through talking, that makes me feel like complete b*****d now.

Generally I agree with you on speaking about what bugs you, but in this case...

194376

In general the talking should begin as soon as the problem begins... don't wait for a scene.

You say you argued on holiday and you were stressed and overworked and only seemed to talk about work before that. That's when the talking needed to start - but that's hindsight.

For now - tell her you have been silly and spoilt and make her feel special. Do little things for her - it's not always the grand gesture that gets results!

See, I did it again... going like I know what I am talking about and then somebody proves me completely wrong.

Well, yeah you are right, but it would have been very difficult to raise the topic during this time (lame excuse I know).

And if its the little things that make the difference, then I think I am the safe side by now. I have spent all day just thinking about little things I could do and writing them down on a little list in my wallet, so I don´t forget.

And talking a lot is way on top. I talk very much, a lot without any sense at all as it seems

Anyways... I think you were right in the first place

194376

If she were here to see this conversation, I'm sure she'd be very happy with you.

If she were here to see this conversation, I'm sure she'd be very happy with you.

I hate double posts.