h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dearest darling, Fergus,

I'm disappointed you thought my original request was a wind-up. I'm even more disappointed you think I was acting on behalf of my good friend Enig. I thought we had something. Something special. Alas, like a fool in love, I've been blinded by your magic, your aurora, your wit, your genius. Can you blame me? A poor humble peasant from the deep, dark north. When I was in your company, I felt like a star. A wishing star. Anything was possible! Nay, everything was possible! How could you be so cruel to your eager apprentice?

I'll pick my things up in the morning, I couldn't face them tonight, too much hurt.

Nearest dearest, Enig,

"...he's a quirky chap. He's probably amusing himself in some way..."

I can't get a bloody chance to amuse myself, can't get a bloody word in.

SP

ps excuse all grammatical errors, I know not what I do...

Again, you miss the point, morrie. How disappointing, if predictable.

The point was that you behave exactly the same way - making aspersions and the like. I couldn't care less what you say, however, when I make comments to you, you whine about how I don't know you. Be introspective for a moment and look at who is being inconsistent. I wasn't the one that retorted with, "you don't know me!" I merely pointed out the irony. I doubt you'll comprehend it, or you won't admit that you did anyway.

And there you go with ASSUMPTIONS again I can't recall the last time I told you what your love life is like and what you have or have not experienced? Saying you have a big mouth and stating that you don't understand a relationship based on desire are totally different things... but, again, I doubt you'll comprehend that.

You don't know what it is to think rationally. That's not an assumption, it's an observation

And I refer you to post 14:

"If you can resist taking swipes at me you shan't hear from me henceforth (on this thread). I think it's perfectly reasonable to respond to a derogatory comment."

Funny how I'm no fun anymore, yet you can't keep away.

I understand entirely what you mean, morrie. I enjoy the intrigues and flirtations of Get Writing too, as you know, when I find people who are equal to it. So do many others, I observe. Some, though, prefer abuse, either of themselves or of others, and that is because they have no other way of dealing with their urges and insecurities.

There's nothing we can do about it, except have some fun at their expense – and perhaps do some mopping up afterwards.

What did you mean, incidentally, by "fergus' internet trawling sexuality"? Not my bag, but it sounds creepy, which reminds me of someone . . .

fergus

I didn't know that was your scene, Fergie baby. Oh well, everyman to his own and all that. As long as you don't do anything illegal, what harm can it do if you like a wee photo now and again. I hope you go to confessions afterwards, you dirty little sinner!

SP the young nephew of Mary Whiter than White Whitehouse (but not related to George Bush, just a fan)

I imagine it's the only flirting you get...

What is this? You guys enjoy crude defamation?

So you pinch middle-aged women's underwear off clothes lines, Enig? None of my business what you do with it.

And scarlet, you've got to stop hanging round public lavatories. You might bump into neil, and then where would you be?

You see? Pretty pointless, isn't it? Grow up.

"Some, though, prefer abuse, either of themselves or of others,"

That wasn't crude, was it? I would ask you to grow up, but I feel it's a little late in the day for someone of your advancing years.

fergie, i was referring to kneel's borish quip about you searching for thai brides, or some such like, i can't remember the details, and am pleased to see that you have entirely forgetten the exchange. nice to see kneel has no ability to stamp anything lasting on your psyche, but that i should have known already.

kneel, you imagine yourself as some sort of fool, when instead you are merely an idiot, i am not remotely threatened by your constant need to paint me as some sort of sad old bag, and old hag i might be, or at least am heading that way, doesn't bother me, tis the nature of things, i'm looking forward to being 40, as by then i hope to have completed my training, sufficient to be able to swim the channel (which is, yes, smaller than my own personal one). tell me, kneel, how many of your babes could do that? i really don't believe you have any idea of where beauty is situated, and your insults of older women are, to say the least, inappropriate in this enlightened age. not everyone is your mother, you nasty oedipal little boy - talking of which, fergus, you might enjoy to read oedipus, deleuze.

It is amusing how you both talk of crudeness and such, when the pair of you not too long ago were spouting conjecture about my sexual abilities and the size of my penis Curious.

As for the old thing, I can't recall the last time I made a bad comment about your age? Besides, I've had relationships with older women before - age matters not, it's the attractiveness that matters, both in terms of personality and looks. In fact I often prefer women a little older than me, as many young women are too immature. That'd explain why you doing nothing for me on any level You're the most childish woman over 30 I've ever met. Actually, that's not fair. You're probably about the third (this one woman at my old place of work was a nightmare), but you're certainly up there.

As for Fergus, his humour is as conspicuous as his writing.

I don't like either of you, neither of you like me: isn't it about time you moved on and grew up?

"isn't it about time you moved on and grew up?"

you want fergus to move outside of his own pf? and kneel, i'm curious, why are you the only person i know that goes on and on about my maturity, no-one else i know thinks this about me. does it ever occur to you that something in your demenour encourages this?

Morrigan: several people you know think it, they just don't say it to you. Soon shall come the, "what are their names?" query, which I won't answer for the obvious reason. I'm also sure it doesn't bother you, but I'm far from alone in my observation of your demeanour.

Isn't the issue here not Morrie's maturity, but Enig's?

Why is my maturity an issue, Ferg, when you're over twice my age and acting like a brat most of the times I encounter you?

I said it'd end several posts ago if either of you could keep your mouths shut. You couldn't, so who is more mature?

I might even have the smallest amount of respect for you if you ever admitted you were wrong, which you so frequently are.

Looks like I haven't missed much over the weekend. It's great seeing you young whippersnappers getting along so splendidly, and so full of Christmas cheer. A marvellous example to all, well done!

SP

ps oops, nearly forgot my compulsory act of immaturity. Here, have a

I am often wrong, Enig, I freely admit. But never on these threads.

Scarlet, please don't mess on my message board, there's a dear.

i called you a sweetie enig and made a weak joke, you burst in here, full of bull, anxious as always to get the knife in, keen as mustard to shout 'it wasn't me miss', closely followed by 'and no-one likes you, nah nah nah nah nah'. you're a bully, simple as. now, if you'll excuse me, i'm off for my tea, and then some reasonable company.

fergus, could you e-mail me b/c at [email protected], as i refuse to let this imbecile constantly interrupt any longer.

So you made a joke, I retorted with a joke, and yet somehow I'm a bully and so on? There's that great logic again

Ok, Fergie. It won't happen again. Although, technically I did give birth to this baby, so I do have a slight claim to ownership. If you want to buy my half from me, make me an offer. On second thoughts, don't bother, it's not for sale.

SP

Eurgh.

Spit spit.