h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Superfluous refers to a house with too many chimney flues.

Pinocchio sat by the fire and was amazed to see a cricket come down the flue and address.

"Hello Pinocchio," the cricket said, "I'm Chiminey Cricket."

The fire breathing dragon Smaug, literally had smoke in his belly when he opened fire at Bilbo as escaped Smaug's treasure den.

Jiminy Cricket got crick in his neck after playing a strenuous game of cricket.

Who was the greatest baker of all time?

Oven no idea.

I looked up to a baker, he was an "I scone"

The baker made a huge pastry. When you cut off the top, a man popped up playing a violin. He was Tart-ini.

Q for that info

Good one

BREAKING:

This just in: King Felipe VI quarantined to his jet. Madrid News reports the reign of Spain is staying mainly on the plane

The weather forecasters said that we will be getting bitterly cold weather through out the British Isles and Ireland. This will be bad news for fruit growers while others will be tasting the bitter fruits as growers will be working to the bitter end. There will be a chill in the air which is due to the high pressure as farmers will be working under pressure. They will be chilling out to chilled out music while others who have gone down with the chills (cold) and will be treating it by eating chilli con carne and drinking Angostura bitters.

Magneto aka the chick magnet, because he is so attractive and because of his magnetic charm and magnetism.

The soldiers and their families were given an order to stay in their living military quarters for forty days in the accommodation block. They were in partial quarantine and were only allowed for essential activities.

The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.

I've heard a lot about the T in China, but there is no T in Chna!

I planted joke bulbs in my garden, they came up as spring punions

I planted gold in the spring Don't worry, I'm the only one who will know it's there. The mattress is hiding in.

A: - I recently switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack
B: - Has she realised what you've done?
A: - Not yet. But the thyme is cumin.

The Film director said it's a wrap when wrapping up the film about the cling film wrap factory worker that became a famous wrap (rap) star. The crew and actors all went to the cafe restaurant to eat shawarma wraps.

In Hollywood, even the gas station employees have written screenplays. So when you drive into the station and ask for gas, you might be asked "Fil'm up?"