h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You can't run through a camping ground. You can only ran. Because it's past tents

Batman bat his eyelids as he got ready to baseball where he goes to bat for his Bat family team. He did not bat an eye at the thought of playing against the Joker who was also an expert at playing Poker, Bridge, and other types of card games as well as making corny jokes and puns.

In the kitchen at Camelot, the used egg-scalloper.

[the lines creating boxes in crossword puzzles are called bars.]

I know a wino who tried to get to a crossword puzzlers convention, but he couldn't get past the first bar.

A minor tsunami flooded our campsite during the night so we woke up to unexpected visits of mammals from the ocean. A policeman with a bullhorn was heard shouting: "For all in tents and porpoises: Please evacuate the area"

So his vacuum ate the area?

I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while.

Crosswords are when you distract someone working on a word puzzle when they are waiting at bus stop nearby the cross roads.

Writers of plumbing manuals when under pressure are at present, tense, especially when they write about the lives of plumbers who often have high pressure jobs.

If you live in a tsunami zone, your house should have tidal insurance.

ah but! you could get done for having intider information

I shell have to think about that.

don't sand around too long though

I shore hope you aren't worried about that.

Cows start the day with a bowl of moo-sli and a cup of cow-ffee .

sat on the sands, I'll hum a little dune

The king of the clams issued a pro-clam-ation.

What makes you laugh in winter?
An ice tickle (icicle)

some of the clams were shelfish and wouldn't share

I shelled out a lot of money to buy set of multicoloured 80's retro shell suits but it is not a good idea to wear when the weather is clammy.