h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As soon as I get another job I'm out of this godforsaken glob of casual clothing, tribute bands, watery beer, bushy bloody roundabouts, hedges and red brick rabbit hutches. I'm going back to West Yorkshire, the land of curries and neighbourly burglary.

Most folk here seem to be merchant bankers, especially the chartered accountants.

Is the Milton Keynes you describe the same one as that with lots of wide open spaces,
millions of trees and plenty of fresh air? Why is it consistently referred to as a concrete mess?
Okay, so the houses can be a bit packed in in places, but I've lived in worse!

I was bought up in Milton Keynes...er, I don't live there anymore and I don't intend going back,
but it's nothing personal! It ain't THAT bad, though you are right about the
surveyors/bankers.

Yes, I do mean THAT Milton Keynes.
I assume it's got worse since you lived here.
Hell, it's got worse since I've lived here and that's only 2 years.
I think the fact I haven't got a car has a lot to do with my (warped?) view of the place. The idiosyncratic bus service won't go diagonally so you usually have to get 2 buses to go wherever you need to get to. Yes, you can go by bike but you have to eventually cross a number of roundabouts and with all the boy-racers this can be a pretty dangerous activity.
There are lots of green spaces, but none of them feel like places you'd want to hang about. There are lots of 'estates', with not one decent pub/nightclub between them. The town centre is heaving with shops, but they are all dull major chainstores like C&A, BHS etc. The one cinema only shows Major Hollywood Blockbusters. Having a liking for arthouse films, I've a snowball's chance in hell of seeing one there.
OK, I think what it all boils down to is just how AVERAGE everything is. If someone got an area of the countryside and added a small to medium sized town and divided by two, you'd end up with Milton Keynes - a small town stretched out artificially with the blanks filled in by flat anonymous green grass with some average height trees around the edge of them.

It doesn't matter anyway, I've just landed a job in York so I'm moving there in just over a week. I like a place with good transport, hills, a sense of history and good pubs and York's got all that, plus it's near Leeds which is my favourite place to go clubbing.

Maybe we'll just have to differ.

No, no, no need to differ!

I think I get your points - And if I'm honest I agree with them!

"Average" - Just about sums it up in one word.

Now York IS cool. I have a new job in Stoke-on-Trent. Not so cool...

You poor guy. I went to Keele University for a year and lived in Newcastle-Under-Lyme so I know enough about Stoke to feel sorry for you.
When I first moved in, I asked a neighbour what was the best thing about Stoke. His reply - "It's half way between Birmingham and Manchester"
If you like seeing bands, The Wheatsheaf pub is on the indie toilet circuit so you can watch them before:
(a) they sell out, man
and
(b) get a decent sound engineer.
Weirdest thing about Stoke is the 'six towns' thing.
Oh and you get called 'luv' and 'duck' by fully grown men.
Having said that, some of the countryside near Stoke is beautiful. I like the drive along the Snake Pass to Sheffield. Stafford's worth a visit as well as it has some good pubs.
All in all, Stoke is certainly not worse than MK - just differently average
What's your new job then (or have you had to sign something secretive for the government)?