h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not bitter at all though, are we Jodan?

If you think that's bad, you should see the student newspaper.

The columnists complain. The letters column is a sequence of complaints by students. They moan about everything from the ducks to the toilets... It's utterly amazing.

I still use the phrase 'sent to Coventry' to mean 'going to Warwick' at times...

- Jordan

What can you find to complain about with regard to ducks?

A similar situation occured at the University of Kent this year (or was it last year? or both?). Student accommodation was vastly over-subscribed by accident, meaning that many single rooms ended up being shared by two people who'd never met each other before, with inches between their beds - needless to say, lots of grievances and hassles. And others were left doing the hotel room thing, while others were put up by local families or Canterbury Christ church University College (whose term starts later). I think it must be the problem of the moment.

*ponders for a moment whether revealing this is unprofessional*

*remembers he works for Christ Church and not the University of Kent*

*hits 'Post Message'*

Ducks can be terribly noisy!

At the University of Kent, the ducks which frequent the pond near one of the halls are beloved by all, and toleraed as they trundle through the college and quack at one another outside the bar etc. Cleaning and catering staff are often seen shepherding a trail of mother and baby ducks (and sometimes moorhens) through dangerous areas.

At Christ Church, also in Canterbury, everyone loves the ducks, but they get taken away every year. We hope to a nice pond somewhere less crowded, rather than to someone's dinner table. Those of us in the library with office windows that overlook the pond always cheer the ducks on when they're trying to escape from the people who wish to take them away. Maybe we're just sad, though.

David

I like ducks. When they quack they sound like they're laughing at something /hilariously/ funny!! There's a duck pond here at Lancaster too. We go down there once a week or so to feed them the mouldy crusts of our bread! They seem to appreciate it.

If there's something to complain about, a Warwick student will find it - as I've discovered through judicious reading of newsgroups and the student paper.

Apparently, the ducks were conditioned to realise that a Tesco carrier bag meant food, and would immediately swarm about and subdue anyone carrying one until they were presented with something suitable for their collective delectation.

- Jordan

mon dieu! you mean you fellows actually have *freedom* during freshers' week? our university's freshers' week is akin to compulsory military camp - you sleep abnormal hours (two to six in the morning), and spend waking hours being marched down to your respective faculties for registration, swearing in, attending ghastly briefings etc etc (they make you run when it rains). whatever time is not spent in offices is spent listening to a drill sargeant insult you and your line of ancestors, and running rounds on the college basketball courts or doing calisthenics or being forced to participate in rough games of handball. and you're given a grand total of two uniform shirts, that you're supposed to wear AT ALL TIMES.

needless to say, nobody could find time to wash the shirts - and most of the boys went without bathing for a week

We had a pair of ducks living in one of the courts last term, but strangly there was no water there at all. They were fed by the fellows, I think, or maybe the porters. Not sure where they are now... Maybe they found their way back to the cam.


*looks around for uunecessary cambridge-speak*

*decides to translate everything just in case*

(court = grass bit in the middle of buildings that you are not permitted to walk on)

(fellow = old man teacher-like person, may or may not do any actual teaching)

(porter = man in bowler hat, most of the time, acts as bouncer/butler for the college)

(the cam = river, the ducks can have it, no sane human would want to swim in it, though many do in freshers' week, usually while under the influence)

We have a duck pond in the grounds of our hall of residence (well, more of a lake really) and last year the ducks took to sitting under my window and quacking at 5am...

Your porters wear bowler hats?! That *IS* posh!!

Well, sometimes. One or two of them. Very occassionally.

The image is just better if they're wearing bowler hats, and secretly smoking pipes when there's no work to be done.

This is a very good entry. It could do with some headings and a bit more organisation but other than that I can't really fault it. It's slightly subjective, but I think most people will relate to it. I like it, especially "Once you leave home you realize that parents are occasionally quite useful for some things". How true!

Only a little more work to do!

Woodpigeon

As the author appears to have Elvised, I propose moving this entry to the Flea Market.


Geggs

True, Rhubarb does tend to frequent these halls somewhat spasmodically... if it goes to the FM, it can always be retrieved from there. Seconded, if you can send the email - I have trouble doing so with being away from my usual ISP...

* fires up his e-mail client *

Oh...bollocks.

Er, hi. I am here. I may revise this. Soon. In fact, I will make a concious effort over the next week or so as otherwise I think that everyone in this conversation will lynch me.

Which is something I don't think I'd really enjoy.

Fresher's week sounds much more attractive than the apparent American equivalent, Freshman Orientation. In that, you get paraded around as a group of the people who live on your assigned hall, by 2 or 3 perky upperclassmen, and have to go to random info sessions and meet a lot of other people who you won't remember sessions. Except that there's no nightlife since in America freshmen can't get into bars and there aren't any parties on campus until the upperclassmen arrive the next week.