h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

“Because!” it had started out badly, Eric had been told so many times not to start this way, “Let me rephrase, this mission to the other end of our galaxy must be done due to the fact that we are bored with our western spiral arm of the galaxy, there is nothing but rock and dust, we need to find a something new and exciting to add to man kinds list of achievements that most people believe we didn’t ever conquest. ” “But why does it have to be me, I don’t want to travel into deep space.” Moaned Andrew, his wild bushy baldhead shining in the light. Eric let out a long sigh, “it’s pretty obvious why we choose you…nobody likes you, you have no friends or family and nobody would miss you.” Andrew though about this for about one tenth of a second, “what about my pets?” he inquired, running a comb through his wild bushy baldhead “well they can go with you” to this Andrew finally agreed, “Great you leave tomorrow”

Meanwhile on the end of the galaxy, the race of the Werdentine were making an illegal jump through space, this wasn’t illegal because the government put up laws, it was illegal because it broke the laws of physics, they were some how managing to travel faster than anything ever had gone before, they were also invisible, which was related to there speed since they were going faster than the speed of light, this is of course impossible and doesn’t make sense so they traveled onwards faster than light, and the image of them traveling some many light years behind them, the ghost ship had nothing against rock and dust, instead they actually loved it, they loved creating it, so every day they travel through the universe turning amazing planets with their sophisticated life forms into dust and decay once in a while a small bit of life escapes on a meteor and creates a few million more races on some blue green planet that nobody cares about.

So Andrew drew closer and closer to the alien ship, traveling in his own ship that bared the company slogan “you bought it, you cant sue us” this was one the most terrifying things about flying through space since there are no other space ship companies to buy from. On the alien ship there was a much better slogan, “ﻻﻴﻀﻄﻏﻱﻧﺮ ﷲﺣﮐﯽﺖﺞﺓ” not that it is of any significance to a human such as Andrew unless translated into English and says something along the lines of “Bring back a rock and receive a free shoe ”

The captain of the Werdentine space ship was not particularly beautiful, nor was he particularly ugly, especially since nobody could see him, but when he wasn’t speeding faster than light, everything that sees him wishes he was, he is very, very, very, ugly. Worst than ugly, horrific, his true appearance is not able to be described as it would require thousands of new words to be created that would describe each part of him, its best to think of the ugliest person times ten. He was the cause of many deaths on his home planet, so they figured out how to travel faster than light.