h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...yesterday, but not unpleasantly so.

I mentioned last year that my ex husband of over 25 years ago had sent me a birthday card via The Mother and had asked me to get in touch; being a curious I did. At first I assumed it was probably something to do with Pension Rights.

After all, he'd remarried, had 2 daughters roughly around the same age as my own two sons, and from what I could gather he'd carved out quite an interesting (and well paid) career - I couldn't see him wanting to support me in my old age! And I don't expect him to, either.

Anyway, we swapped a couple of phone conversations and I replied to the e mails he sent, and his work took him to my part of the world yesterday - since he was in the area, how about meeting up for a coffee?

So at the appointed time I put on my 2nd best frock and polished up my nice new metallic blue-and-purple swirly striped stick

(the one that clashes with absolutely everything which endears it to me even more than any sensible coloured stick could)

and lurched down to the appointed cafe, hoping that time had been kinder to me than it had been to him appearance wise.

I recognised him by the way he walked; I was certain it was him when he spoke.

He's grown up into a decent man who works far too many hours and has no hobbies or passtimes. Some people work to live, he said, others live to work.

It was a very pleasant afternoon in all; we skirted around our miserable marriage and all the stupid vitriolic rows we'd had and caught up with each others' doings to begin with.

I'd not realised how much he had influenced my phraseology, and indeed the rather sharp part of my sense of humour; I'd forgotten how funny he could be with his observations.

I was surprised how laid back and emotionally mature he'd become.

Am I attracted to him?

As a man, no. I don't regret leaving him, and don't begrudge that he found happiness with a new partner and I've made poor choices thru out my life instead.

And he'll never be a "confidante" sort of friend.

But I'm happy enough being friendly and keeping in touch occaisionally.


I'm not sure how he feels; I assumed until the last ten minutes of our meeting he just saw me as an old friend from the past. I dropped him back to his car park, and as he was dragging his rucksack out of the back seat, I saw him pull a carrier bag out of it and leave it there.

"I brought you this" he said rather gruffly
"Can I look now?" I asked
"Naw... leave it till you get home"
"Well, whatever it is, thank you very much - I didn't expect a present"

I waved him off, went back to the car, decanted the carrier and lurched the 300yds home. Got in, opened it.

A really fancy box of Designer Chocolates....and a bottle of screamingly expensive Cava. The lads told me the price of it and I damned near fell over. All I know is Cava is pretty fancy; I'm no connassiour.



In the conventional scheme of things I suppose I could be judged a failiure, technically; - no career structure as such, very little in the bank, a fairly unconventional life style with a lot packed into it and currently going thru an arty farty arts-and-crafts stage. And not awfully worldly really. I tried visiting it once, decided I didn't like it much and went my own route after that.


But it's very flattering to know that I can still inspire a chap to flatter me a bit with such an extravigant gift.

And a little worrying, too, when I consider the source.

Freind Eva,
I am glad that your day gave you pleasure. I hope you are not truly of a mind that you are a failure. That would be an injustice to you. Perhaps it is one of those 'cultural' things everyone was speaking of.
I do not think a person is a failure unless they are mean in spirit and small in heart. I know you only a little but do not see you so. Life is more than what we own. But I think you know this.
J.R.

Hallo my friend

Yes... it was a pleasant day in all; up until he left me the present.

You see, chocolates and rather expensive (OK, VERY expensive, lets be honest) champagne given from a man to a woman is usually a sort of overture to Courtship, rather than just a gift between friends. It has, for want of a better word "Connatations" I don't feel comfortable with.

I may be flattering myself, or possibly, to use your wonderful phrase am seeing snakes in the grass where there are only vines, but I am now wary of him - the man is married, and even if my knees had gone weak and the old heart was pounding I *still* wouldn't persue him because of that important fact.

As it is, his wife need not fear any competition from me atall; he's a decent enough human being, but not a Man in my eyes.

Having said that, the lads and I ate the chocolates over the weekend and thoroughly enjoyed them....and I shall take the Champagne up to my Aunty and Uncles home when I go to visit them next week. Champagne is for special occasions after all, and I think seeing relatives I've not seen for years is a more than special enough time!

You're right about the "Cultural Thing" John; I was merely seeing myself as a lot of my own society would see me, that's all. Its a standard of judgement I don't adhere to much, but it's probably wise to be aware of how they perceive, so that on the rare occasions I *do have to deal with them I can.

I'd like to make a brief reference to the "Names" thread, and then, after that, leave it be; I think an awful lot of too many words were said on it anyway, but....

You are absolutely right in that "here" we use words to cut or bruise rather than the simpler and - to my mind- cleaner kife or fist.

Generally speaking - and it's a BIG "generally speaking, too - most of the contributors here have very inactive life styles; they work at desks, drive or take the train to work, and when they return home nine times out of ten they'll have a hobby (like H2) which again, involves sitting down, being inactive. The only part of their bodies which is truely exerised is the brain;

Some are very clever with their words, and I've seen debates here arguing the exact subtle nuance of some obscure word - each participant determined to sway the others to their point of view. It's their last way of fighting in a way, it's an outlet, almost

When I was younger I always liked to do hard physical work; I've made and shifted stage scenery, I've helped renovate a house (I was in charge of mixing the cement, which is a hefty job for a girl), I've dug and created more gardens than I can remember; and so on.

It never stopped me from enjoying debate of course, but I am sooo glad I had a balance of Life in my life which prevented me from wanting to *analyse* stuff I could never prove.

It hasn't stopped me thinking and wondering, it certainly hasn't stopped me learning - I didn't get much education either, and what I did achieve I didn't know what to do with!

And I've started up one path and meandered around and gotten lost down another one now

I'm not saying ignore or excuse the younger, gentler ones because I thought a lot of what they said was...inappropriate, and for you, must have been hurtful. Their stubborness made me pretty cross, and in the end I couldn't stay quiet any longer.

But until they've lived Life with a captal L, and had to deal with some harsh stuff, as you and I have done whether we wanted to or not, they will never really understand. Life is just a Theory to them; they haven't practiced it yet.

The sad thing for them is, maybe they never will.

Lets change the subject, eh?

Has your dog (110lbs of useless - I roared with laughter at that description) got the hang of pulling the travois(?) yet or is he still trying to avoid doing it?

And I have been meaning to ask you why you need to take a bag of pepper; is it purely to season what you catch, or will you use it as part of trapping, somehow?

And what's a neck knife? Is it one you'd use to dispatch the animal quickly and use to skin it?

I have heard of Pemmican, but I don't know exactly what it is, apart from it being a food stuff.

Sorry if I appear ignorant about all this - whenever I went camping I just took a few packets of dried stuff with us to tide us over until we could either eat out or buy from the shop.... and enough money to get a Bed and Breakfast when my hips got too bruised to sleep comfortably in a tent;

That was generally within 24 hours because I'm soft!

Dear Friend Eva,

I see very clearly about the relationship with yourself and your former husband. It is good to be at peace with him. It is seen very much that you must be a very good woman or he would not have done what he did in presenting you with gifts. I hope that if it is your desire you become a blessing to a worthy man and he to you. Many are too much wounded to trust again so much with their life. We have much in common I think in the nature of our paths and the way the world is seen in many respects. I very much enjoy your words and look forward to them.

In my place, among my kindred and people it is not a proper thing to show feelings in an open way. The signs of our thoughts are very subtle and so many see us as hard and 'long suffering'. It is a new thing to me to openly say certain things and to do so in a manner that is acceptable to my heart as well as the hearts of others. I have tasted my foot many times!

Eva, I am happy that you can see me. I know that to so many I must seem a brutal man but I cannot defend myself without making it seem as I have guilt. I am very troubled that Mal and myself have become on seperate sides of the village here. I have liked this person but am not understanding the amount of emotion sent to me in a bad way. What thing brought my control to ending was that when I tried to make calm and harmony again the act of doing so was twisted to be that I was being only clever and deceitful in my words and so in my heart in order to win something.All I wished to win was to make others understand that I am not a backward spirit, and to in the end 'win' back peace to the place. I am gunshy now and afraid to speak to any I do not fully trust by experience, such as you, Anhaga, Moonraker ( I very much enjoy his name!), and one or two others that I am beginning to know. It is irony is it not, that in seeking to find a way to call upon others with respect that war should happen? Some days I truly feel that the world should be left to our kin the nimals and plant and rivers and mountains. Their ways I understand, the ways of others confuse and frustrate. Enough on this!

For your questions, pepper is for preserving meat as well as seasoning. I am hoping to not trap or hunt but it will be a long road. I have always felt smaller when I have taken life and so unless it is a needful thing I refuse. I have seen those not of us kill for the sake of blood and feel larger as men, this is why I stopped guiding hunters even though it was very very much money to my family.

Pemmican is made like thus, dry meat is pounded till it is small threads and mixed together with nuts and berries,( some times parched corn but I do not use it so)it is then mixed with just enough clear animal grease to bind it asd one and pressed into a parfleche wich is akin to an envelope of rawhide, the whole is then covered with clear grease and the parfleche sealed. It will keep for many many weeks and even I have seen it good after a year and a hot summer. But I have an iron belly and can cook anything in it, (I joke).

You mentioned dry food and I have tasted this purchased from a store when my eldest and I hunted last. I am believing that if one ate only of this then one would soon become a hunter. As a young man my grandmother mde soups very heavy with hrbs and salt and meat then let it to the Sun and dry, we called it pocket soup and I am beleiving it has this name for a long number of years.

A neck Knife is a small knife with a blade 2-3 inches long (some are very long but for other uses). It is worn about a neck so it is handy to hold of and is simply an all purpose tool. For heavier working and large animals I carry a belt knife wich is tucked into my belt and through it. The neck knife is most often very decorated. Mine has quill work and beads as well as a strip of bear hide. The neck knife I will travel with is much plain and has only a few beads, my daughter made this sheath for me when she was 10. She was very proud and I have carried it ever since when in the wood.

I see that you have made a journey yourself and I wish you an open road and fair weather. I will hear from you soon after you return in safety. I have robbed you of enough time so I go.

J.R.

You'll never rob me of time JR - I always enjoy what you have to say.

It's good that you have found an outlet to satisfy you here. We should - in theory, anyway - be true to ourselves. In your society,it may not be acceptable to show emotion in an obvious manner; here, it seems to me, we are expected to be loud and almost manic in expressing enthusiasm; there's lots of "social" gushiness and insincere flattery in some circles

(I don't count the Theatricals I know, because that's just the way "Act-ors" have always behaved and I'm pretty certain it's just a parody of themselves they do for fun)

and to me it's a form of lying. Far sooner to have a tacitern person offer a small amount of praise for something really well done, or a truely heartfelt hug from my sons when they genuinely feel a rush of affection for me than to conform to what is "socailly acceptable"

I wouldn't concern yourself with what anyone thinks of you; anyone with eyes to read and a brain to understand can see very clearly you're a man of compassion and integrity with a love of the important things, like nature and a real respect for animals. And the gulf between the City Bred and the Country bred is enormous. I know how difficult it was for me, especially when it came to catching and skinning rabbits for an occasional stew - I felt very guilty, and also, because I'd never had to prepare meat from the wild before, I could hardly bear to bring myself to touch the little furry bodies.

Fish I could never bring myself to touch... they flap so long after they are on land!

By upbringing I'm a city woman, and therefore squeamish.

By inclination I prefer the Country, although I know I'd be a poor hunter and probably live for a summer when there was plenty of easilly picked frui. I'd starve in the winter, unless desparation could overcome that squeamishness.

Thing is, I reckon it's impossible to please all of the people all of the time and it's sad, but inevitable that sometimes folk can't agree to disagree; it was the fact that, as you say, you did your level best to create harmony again, and yet your overtures were disregarded and your words twisted which prompted me to speak up, as well.

And *we (on H2) consider ourselves "Civilised"! Pah! We're like disrespectful children some of the time, showing off our ignorance with pride and making fools of ourselves.

If it's any help, *I* don't understand what motivates squabbles like this, either..... but try not to take it personally; it's a huge site, and there is room for everyone.

I've not heard from my ex husband since we spoke last time, and in a way I'm glad - perhaps he's laid whatever ghosts it was that he needed to. It'd be wonderful if, one day I could find a man I feel is equal to me; I've loved infrequently, but not wisely so far, but I remain optimistic. Life's too short not to trust people - and in truth, although I have met a few people that were deceitful and betraying, I've also met far more peole whose qualities shine. I'm content as I am, really.

And if I met a true partner it would just make my life even happier.

>>It'd be wonderful if, one day I could find a man I feel is equal to me; I've loved infrequently, but not wisely so far, but I remain optimistic. Life's too short not to trust people - and in truth, although I have met a few people that were deceitful and betraying, I've also met far more peole whose qualities shine. I'm content as I am, really. And if I met a true partner it would just make my life even happier.<<

More or less how I feel too Ev although I've loved wisely twice, thankfully. But I think I have less trust in people as I get older: I've been seriously misled and shafted several times by people I trusted and the doubt that creeps into my heart is hard to dispel these days. Hey ho.

I'm in a bit of a gloomy mood at the moment and I'm sure that's colouring my world. It will pass ...

Glad to hear you consider sincerity to be paramount in praise. I totally agree.

Fb

Hiya FrenchBean!

Oddly enough, it's the other way around for me - I trust people *more* than I ever used to as a young woman; but, on the other hand, I make a point of getting to know them with my brain, as well as my intuition nowadays. I don't rush in like I used to.

Before, I just followed my intuition and oh boy, it may be good for some situations (ie, knowing when the lads are in trouble, or timing phone calls well, and that sort of thing) but in affairs of the heart, regrettably it's about as reliable as as

I invariably fell in love with the ones who are not really worthy of the sort of love I had for them.

ANYHOO, before I go any further, let me introduce you to John Redbear, and him to you.

FrenchBean - meet JR

john redbear, meet Fb


As both of you have immense integrity, and the love of nature in common,I'm pretty certain you will enjoy each other's company. I hope so

I find it amazing, even now, that its possible to speak to a man who is the northeast corner of the USA and a woman who's in.... I'm going to get the country wrong, I bet... New Zealand (Christchurch, anyway!) whilst I am in the furthest point South East in Britain.

It's an added bonus for me, that I think of you both as friends.

Modern Technology is a wonderful thing, it really is

If you check your message centre Fb, I left a message for you re
e mailing (I think you may have missed it, due to all the familly dramas you've had, lately). If you need to unload your fit of glums I've wide shoulders and I can always find time to listen if it helps you.

Ah, don't you just love the internet New Zealand it is!

I shall go and look for that message, Ev. I've been here only sporadically over the last few months

John Redbear: nice to meet you. I'll introduce myself properly in a wee while. Right now I'm at work and I have to limit my time on h2g2 to a reasonable level


Fb