h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Have you ever had one of those surreal conversations that apparently make absolute logical sense... until you put the phone down and think : "Eh????"

I've just had one with The Mother

She was as chirpy as a cricket - great good humour, giggly and generally speaking, was quite fluid and didn't go off on tangents as she normally does.




This in itself is noteworthy, btw.



Conversation went roughly as follows:

Hallo Ev, I've just come back from seeing the solicitor; I've altered my will again, a bit

Me: Oh. Righto - was it all sorted OK?

Her: Yes. I'm really pleased with it. You know you're my exective, don't you?

Me: Yeah, thats right, you asked me to be executrix quite a while ago, with the solicitor, if I remember rightly

Her: Yes, well, I don't want the solicitor, I 've asked for (Big) Dave to be executor with you instead. I mean, I know you arn't a couple any more, but you still get on alright, don't you?

Me: Yeah, we get on fine - I've been friends with him since I was 16, the fact I don't share a house with him anymore is neither here nor there

Her: Thats what I thought - and besides, he's a man, and I think you'll need a bit of help.

Me: Short silence whilst I get my head around the idea that (a) Big Dave's a man,(long story, but basically Dave is Dave, a good friend, but I haven't seen him as a man, as such, for years. He's just Dave)

and (b) despite the fact he's a loyal, staunch friend, I wouldn't ask him to help out in any emergency as he has a distressing habit of running around like a headless chicken. And he absolutely loathed every minute of being his own Mother's Executor. He was stressed to the max with it poor bloke.

"Yeah... that fine by me mum - does he know, or should I ring him?"

"No, I've already spoken to him and he was quite touched"

(I'd have thought "stunned" would have been more apt, but then.... "Thats fine,it sounds all sorted"

"So you're not cross with me then?"

"Er...no, of course not; it's your Will love, you say whatever you want and I'll sort it out when the time comes. Why on earth would I be cross? It's what *you want done, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah, talking of which, I'm downloading my kitchen"

"Right...?"

"So the charity shops will be bulging. I don't know *how I'm going to get it all there"

"Well... why don't you sort out what you *don't want, mum, and next time I come up and see you, I can drive it up to the Villiage for you? Save you schlepping big weights of stuff around, eh?"

"Oh... I s'pose I could. You'll be up soon, won't you?"

""Not this weekend, or the weekend after, but the next one, sure, if thats alright"

Silence

"Er... mum... you don't know something I don't, do you? I mean, you arn't planning to pop your clogs in the next fortnight, are you?


"No... but I need to clear up and tidy around before I Go"

And then there was a complete change of subject, asking her to send Her *Regards* to the lads.

Bizarre





I vaguely remember having a conversation rather like this with my dad, around three months before he shuffled off his mortal coil. I got the works; How he wanted to be remembered, what music he wanted played at his funeral, and a pressing need to hide the pornography from mum, so would I take ...erm... "this" down to the paper bank when I had time, please and thankyou?

(The things I do for my familly!)


I've had some odd conversations with mum, but this is one of the oddest lately

And what worries me is that she sounded so damned cheerful


It was quite freaky.

Hi, Ev, nice to *see* you.

That certainly was a strange conversation! How old is your Mum? I suppose there comes an unavoidable time when things have to be sorted unless they are going to live to 110 or something!

Oh, and 'touched' can mean something else too if you think about it!!

Sounds like you have a nice relationship with your Mum and Big Dave too

Forget about it now. Remember the song "Que Sera Sera" Whatever will be will be.



Websailor

Hiya Webbie

My mum is currently 76... but she's been about 76 for the last 40 (very) odd years. This was one of the more sensible conversations I've had with her, which is why I felt a tad freaked.

I haven't actually got much of a relationship with her atall (I'm usually slagged off by her as being weird,/ugly/useless/odd I think I irritate her most of the time because I have this distressing habit of *breathing!

But Big Dave... yes; he was my best friend/bigborther figure when I was a teenager and he a spotty callow yoof, and he's a good, kind, decent hooman being. Just not "Right" for me.

I've known him since I was 16 (which is AGES, now!) and we've always been friends. If I got in schtuck as a teen, then it was invariably Dave who scraped me up off the floor, sobered me up and poured me thru the parental letter box on the quiet, as twere. The mistake we made was to become a couple, as such.

I think I lived with him for around 4/5 years before I left - I couldn't live with him, but I was too fond of him to stay and get sour and narky with him; he was too nice and too decent to do that to; so I upped sticks and moved on, but we still keep in touch and my lads are very fond of him too.


Yep - you';re right. Put the convo on the back burner and get on with Life and stff generally;generally speaking. We're (mum and I) fairly realistic about death/dying, etc. I know she's not going to last forever, and scatty though she is, I think death is on her mind lately; I get the impression that you get a sort of premonition when you're going to go. Most of my (healthy) familly members did. It just sounded a bit bizarre that she has the urge to tidy the kitchen up before she goes, really!

And, as you say, "touched" has a myriad meanings....

Hows tricks with you, anyway? I lurk a lot but seldom find a comment terribly apt

Keep smiling, anyway. Good to "see" you.