h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just to get people started, continue on the story - but no more than a sentence per post.

In a distant corner of the room lay a small, green flannel.

It appeared to be alone, but if you looked closely into the shadows, it was being guarded by...

a small furry creature with large amber eyes.

and green sharp teeth that were chewing through cables

Such behaviour had already caused the lights to black out, which were soon to be followed by...

...the small furry creature with large amber eyes.

Consequently nobody noticed the green flannel again until the electricians arived two hours and twenty six minutes later.

Not that that is of any importance, but it is sometimes useful to state facts.

After all, during that time there wasn't anything much else to say in the matter, as there is little to see or describle in a completely dark room.

except for that smell, of course

Oh Christ, the smell: fetid, rank, obnoxious, violent; the compilers of the Oxford English Dictionary had already popped round with their smell-o-metre to register the exact density of this vile whiff in order to put the address of the house - 42 Albrecht Lane, Haversham - against many of the words synonymous with the word "Ordure", the problem was that Raymond Heigh was the only person with a strong enough stomach to actually enter the premises, and his sense of smell had deserted him long ago.

The even bigger problem was that Raymond Heigh doesn't exist, and, infact, has never existed.

Incidentally, there was once a school called 'Raymond High', but that's beside the point.

It is because 'Raymond High' was a false identity, created by him when he passed the school once. He had a very limited imagination.

Well, when compared to a human at least, because, you see, Raymond was a/an...

...by-product of an alien genetic engineering project.

Well, perhaps 'alien' is the wrong word, 'Essex-based' is more accurate.

It just seemed alien to most people, as it was based in a part of Essex you would not find on a map.

But as luck would have it, the map, too, happend to be non-existant.

Although only in a strictly literal sense.