h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Act I - The heroine falls in love with the handsome young Thingite warrior against the wishes of her jealous guardian.

Twelve valkyrie in heavy armour, including fake Viking helmets with phoney horns, arrive followed by a giant golden .

*bombastic music in the mode of Wagners "the Ring!*

The heroine is told that her love for the handsome young Thingite warrior has been cursed by the Gods by the twelve valkyrie and a giant golden (yay!) in three flats and a bed-sitting room. If she pursues him, she shall be tormented with a debilitating disease (regardless of the fact that she lives in a shanty town).

The valkyrie decide to help the heroine in her quest and at the same time, once and for all, make the Gods realize they are not to intervene in THINGLY matters.

The heroine and the valkyrie climbs up to the back of the golden and fly out.

Handsome young Thingite warrior enters and is confronted by jealous guardian...a mighty vocal battle ensues with much waving of . The handsome young Thingite warrior riumphs but the jealous guardian cowers off stage to plot a dastardly revenge...muhahaha ::quietly with much rubbing of hands::

The golden , with her load of ladies, flies high up in the air and beautiful scenery is shown (mountains, green valleys, waterfalls). The valkyrie sing a mighty warrior song about blood, revenge and secret dungeons. The heroine sharpens her .

The Gods recognising the betrayal of the valkyrie, the beautiful golden (yay!) and heroine, and having always been envious of the power of THING, conspire with the jealous guardian to undo the lovers and their trusty (and extremely lethal) .

Xanthippi jumps on stage and does a dance that somehow fits with the story even though she missed all rehearsals.

The golden takes the valkyrie and the heroine to the secret sacred shrine of Thing. The shrine is located in a secluded fortress in the Far Away Icy Mountains. The fortress is guarded by the Mighty Golden Fire Dragons of the Icy Mountains, virtually immortal beings who long ago swore to protect Thing and the shrine of Thing.

The heroine bursts out in a lengthy aria of sorrow, secret love, hatred of her guardian and the glory of Thing.

The handsome young Thingite warrior has fallen in with his war buddies and spent the night in a tavern. They have consumed literjohns of mead and eaten a number of spit-roasted beasts with their , and had their sport with the tavern's buxom waitpersons. Due to the handsome young Thingite warrior's carousing, he has left himself open to spiritual attack by the Gods...

The heroine and the valkyrie enters the fortress through a very secret door in the basement. They are greeted by a monk who leads them through a maze of hallways. After hours of endless walking in dark hallways covered with cobwebs, rat dirt and empty pizza boxes the fellowship enters a great hall.

They are welcomed by four old monks in purple dresses. The monks lead all ladies to the holy altar of Thing.

The heroine is given the most sacred of and a blessing is held.

An ancient ceremony of worshipping starts.

The handsome young Thingite warrior is sent insane by the Gods' assault on his very soul. Taking a enabled crossbow to the clocktower, he slaughters the townsfolk including the jealous guardian before falling on his own . (the ketchup bill is mind-boggling)

A high priestess of the sacred shrine of Thing watches the scenes previously scripted in her magic washbasin. She immediately sends away a speedy young dragon that arrives just in time to catch the warrior in his claws, before the warrior hits the ground.

The heroine watching the washbasin, although warned that she should not, see her lover apparently die and throws her self on the THING eternal flame. The handsome young Thingite warrior, brought by the (yay!) to the shrine seeing his love's plunge and incineration, follows her.


The End

.......of Act I



Act II

The shanty town in sunset.

Winds from the oceans blows into the town and causes windows to squeak and houses to rattle. Far away sounds of howling crocodiles. (endemic to this area, very predatory).

A pirate ship sails silently up the river. The full moon shines. The lions sings in the night.

In a small tavern a confused villain loses his last gemstones in a pokergame.

The pirate ship anchors, and a scouting patrol lead by the fearless pirate Peet the Constrictor arrives into the town. They sing an evil song (dark low bass voices and celli) whilst lurking around.

Suddenly they are spotted by an old lady who YELLS and sing a long hilarious aria of fear. Peet the constrictor, strangles her (hence his name ) and starts singing an aria himself.

Suddenly the confused villain steps out to High Street of Shanty Town. The music stops! The villain and Peet the Constictor spot each other and both raise their rusty swords.

An almost endless duosinging starts. Treason, lost loves, stolen gems, aching feet, pink cushions and a bun baking grandmother.

It shows that Peet the Constrictor and the confused villain are the Thingite warriors long lost older brothers.

The rest of the pirates turn mad when the realizs they´ve had a brother of a Thingite warroir amongst them.

A big fight starts. Long singing, horrifying music, and an almost dark stage. Finally. The brother are the only ones left. The feed the howling crocodiles with the remnant of the pirates.

The ascends to a cart, pulled by a donkey and leaves for the quest of finding their lost brother.

End of act II

Act III

Valkyries, (yay!), and Gods lob arias at each other for about an hour concerning the relative merits or otherwise of THING.

End of Act III

Act IV

The low lands approaching the Icy Mountains. Scouting dragons flies to and fro´ watching and gazing. No enemies around.

A squeaking cart with a donkey in, pulled by a pirate and a villain moves slowly up a stony mountain path. The men sing a song about bravery whilst the donkey shrieks. (or whatever donkeys do)

The donkey (in a stage whispered aria to the audience) reveals that it is actually the lost brother, the handsome young Thingite warrior, trapped in the body of a donkey until he is freed by his love, the heroine. His shrieks of despair are recognition that he believes his love is now one of the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) and no longer interested in earthly pursuits.

The braying donkey spots an approaching dragon and makes even more noise. The reunited older brothers stop pulling the cart just in time to see the donkey being snatched by a dragon.

“Ye! We´re approaching the shrine of Thing”, says the confused villain. A long aria about the holiness of the shrine is followed by another aria by Peet the Constrictor. This one is a very sad one about their mother who died due to overeating during a Christmas lunch.

The dragon brings the thingite hero trapped in the body of a donkey to the high priestess. The high priestess puts the warrior donkey in a sacred sleep and he is carried down to the high altar by the purple clad monks.

The reunited brothers, singing the song of the Seven Dwarfs (from the Disney movie snow white) leaves the cart and continue to walk up the stony mountain path.

Suddenly they see the golden dragon carrying twelve singing valkyrias and one heroine.

The brothers faint. The valkyrias and the heroines sing a song about revenge and head for the Gods Petty Farm.

On the other side of the universe, the heroine is hangin' with the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) but finds she can't concentrate on hunting the sacred of the star meadows as the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) sing of their pleasure in slaughter the intelligent star . She finds she is constantly drawn to Earth and the THING shrine with its eternal flame and occasional troll (is that like an occasional table?).

In flashback mode

The ladies, strengthened by popcorn from the audience arrives to the Gods Petty Farm, and conquers the Farm easily by singing latest hits from the Top 40 list. All the Gods evaporates when the golden dragon throw flames at them.

The ladies climbs up to the dragons back and returns to the shrine.

Ending #1

Right....

The heroine is re-united with her donkey...the duet is boo-ed from the stage as someone neglected to change the donkey back into the handsome young Thingite warrior...

The valkyries and the beautiful golden (yay!) seeing the love of the heroine and the handsome young Thingite warrior, realise the error of their ways and swear never to hunt the intelligent star again and to spend their eternity rewarding loyal Thingites.

The brothers overcome by the magnificence of the THING shrine, vow to serve THING till their life's end. They fill the wagon with pilfered THING trappings and die trying to move the wagon without a donkey.

The lovers with the handsome young Thingite warrior returned to his former glory, come on stage where the and apples from the audience if stored well should see them out to the next concert.


The End?

Ending #2

The sacred shrine of Thing.

The brothers have arrived. The valkyrie have arrived. The monks have arrived. The dragons have arrived. The high priestess has arrived. The heroine has arrived. The warrior turned into donkey has arrived.

The shrine is overpopulated, and a riot is near. Long choir singing, with arias, duos, trios, quartettes etc. go on and on.....

Finally the high priestess puts the warrior turned into donkey to the altar and calls for the heroine. She has to the donkey with her sacred to break the curse.

The heroine burst out in aria about pros, cons and applesauce. Finally she decides to her loved one and so does. The donkey shakes, rattles and rolls whilst the orchestra plays awful boring music, supposed to be romantic.

Suddenly the Thingite warrior rises from the altar, kisses the heroine and due to the kiss no one is able to sing.

The golden dragon sings a concluding aria and the curtain falls at last.

The lights are turned on, and the audience is awaked and heads for the bar.

END of The Heroine and the Thingite Warrior

The THING Cycle was a jointly written saga/opera libretto by

dragonqueen - eternally free and forever untamed; Goddess, Keeper and Guardian (se PS for details) THING RULES!

and

The Mayan Templar

for the Thing Rules Concert Extravaganza

Lovely!

I noticed I´ve made some misspellings .

Maybe a rewritten act IV, were all our ideas are incorporated into one story?

Why couldn´t you post it?

Hey Spacecadet, how you going? We've been busy!

I pasted it into a post and H2G2 kept giving errors

MT

Hi MT!
I´ve rewritten act IV. Comments, please. Unfortunately the smilies dissappered whilst copying the text to and fro the word processing.



Act IV

The low lands approaching the Icy Mountains. Scouting dragons flies to and fro´ watching and gazing. No enemies around.

A squeaking cart with a donkey in, pulled by a pirate and a villain moves slowly up a stony mountain path. The men sing a song about bravery whilst the donkey shrieks. (or whatever donkeys do)

The donkey (in a stage whispered aria to the audience) reveals that it is actually the lost brother, the handsome young Thingite warrior, trapped in the body of a donkey until he is freed by his love, the heroine. His shrieks winkeye of despair are recognition that he believes his love is now one of the valkyrie and the beautiful golden dragon (yay!) and no longer interested in earthly pursuits.

The braying donkey spots an approaching dragon and makes even more noise. The reunited older brothers stop pulling the cart just in time to see the donkey being snatched by a dragon.

“Ye! We´re approaching the shrine of Thing”, says the confused villain. A long aria about the holiness of the shrine is followed by another aria by Peet the Constrictor. This one is a very sad one about their mother who died due to overeating during a Christmas lunch.

The dragon brings the thingite hero trapped in the body of a donkey to the high priestess. The high priestess puts the warrior donkey in a sacred sleep and he is carried down to the high altar by the purple clad monks.

The reunited brothers, singing the song of the Seven Dwarfs (from the Disney movie snow white) leaves the cart and continue to walk up the stony mountain path.

Suddenly they see the golden dragon carrying twelve singing valkyrias and one heroine.

The brothers faint. The valkyrias and the heroine sing a song about revenge and head for the Gods Petty Farm. But first they must go for the quest of the sacred sheep of the star meadows

On the other side of the universe, the spork heroine is hangin' with the valkyrie and the beautiful golden dragon (yay!) but finds she can't concentrate on hunting the sacred sheep of the star meadows as the valkyrie and the beautiful golden dragon (yay!) sing of their pleasure in slaughter the intelligent star sheep. She finds she is constantly drawn to Earth and the THING shrine with its eternal flame and occasional troll (is that like an occasional table?).

The ladies, strengthened by popcorn from the audience arrives to the Gods Petty Farm, and conquers the Farm easily by singing latest hits from the Top 40 list. All the Gods evaporates when the golden dragon throw flames at them.

The ladies climbs up to the dragons back and returns to the shrine.


The sacred shrine of Thing.

The brothers have arrived. The valkyrie have arrived. The monks have arrived. The dragons have arrived. The high priestess has arrived. The spork heroine has arrived. The warrior turned into donkey has arrived.

The shrine is overpopulated, and a riot is near. Long choir singing, with arias, duos, trios, quartettes etc. go on and on.....

Finally the high priestess puts the warrior turned into donkey to the altar and calls for the heroine. She has to spork the donkey with her sacred spork to break the curse.

The spork heroine burst out in aria about pros, cons and applesauce. Finally she decides to spork her loved one and so does. The donkey shakes, rattles and rolls whilst the orchestra plays awful boring music, supposed to be romantic.

Suddenly the Thingite warrior rises from the altar, kisses the heroine and due to the kiss no one is able to sing.

The valkyries and the beautiful golden dragon (yay!) seeing the love of the spork heroine and the handsome young Thingite warrior, realise the error of their ways and swear never to hunt the intelligent star sheep again and to spend their eternity rewarding loyal Thingites.

The brothers overcome by the magnificence of the THING shrine, vow to serve THING till their life's end. They fill the wagon with pilfered THING trappings and die trying to move the wagon without a donkey.


The golden dragon sings a concluding aria and the curtain falls at last.

The lights are turned on, and the audience is awaked and heads for the bar.

The lovers with the handsome young Thingite warrior returned to his former glory, come on stage where the tomato and apples from the audience if stored well should see them out to the next concert.

END of The spork Heroine and the Thingite Warrior

Could the Star hunting come before the valkyrie etc (yay!) return to the shrine?...I intended it to show how the heroine although immortal and one of the Valkyrie was still in love the Thingite warrior and therefore why the Valkyrie etc (yay!) go back to the shrine

It´s ok by me. Just go ahead and write!

Act IV

The low lands approaching the Icy Mountains. Scouting dragons flies to and fro´ watching and gazing. No enemies around.

A squeaking cart with a donkey in, pulled by a pirate and a villain moves slowly up a stony mountain path. The men sing a song about bravery whilst the donkey shrieks. (or whatever donkeys do)

The donkey (in a stage whispered aria to the audience) reveals that it is actually the lost brother, the handsome young Thingite warrior, trapped in the body of a donkey until he is freed by his love, the heroine. His shrieks of despair are because he believes his love is now one of the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) and no longer interested in earthly pursuits.

On the other side of the universe, the heroine is hangin' with the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) but finds she can't concentrate on hunting the sacred of the star meadows as the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) sing of their pleasure in slaughter the intelligent star . She finds she is constantly drawn to Earth and the THING shrine with its eternal flame and occasional troll (is that like an occasional table?).

Back on the stony mountain path, the braying donkey spots an approaching and makes even more noise. The reunited older brothers stop pulling the cart just in time to see the donkey being snatched by a dragon.

“Ye! We´re approaching the shrine of Thing”, says the confused villain. A long aria about the holiness of the shrine is followed by another aria by Peet the Constrictor. This one is a very sad one about their mother who died due to overeating during a Christmas lunch.

The brings the thingite hero trapped in the body of a donkey to the high priestess. The high priestess puts the handsome young Thingite warrior donkey in a sacred sleep and he is carried down to the high altar by the purple clad monks.

The reunited brothers, singing the song of the Seven Dwarfs (from the Disney movie snow white) leaves the cart and continue to walk up the stony mountain path.

Suddenly they see the golden carrying twelve singing valkyrias and one heroine. The heroine's yearning for her handsome young Thingite warrior has made her ask the beautiful golden (yay!) to return her to the Shrine. The valkyrie have come for the ride to see if they can rumble with the Gods.

The brothers faint. The valkyrie and the heroine sing a song about revenge and head for the Gods Petty Farm. But first they must go for the quest of the sacred sheep of the star meadows

On the other side of the universe, the heroine is hangin' with the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) but finds she can't concentrate on hunting the sacred sheep of the star meadows as the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) sing of their pleasure in slaughter the intelligent star sheep. She finds she is constantly drawn to Earth and the THING shrine with its eternal flame and occasional troll (is that like an occasional table?).

The ladies, strengthened by popcorn from the audience arrives to the Gods Petty Farm, and conquers the Farm easily by singing latest hits from the Top 40 list. All the Gods evaporates when the golden throw flames at them.

The ladies climbs up to the dragons back and returns to the shrine.


The sacred shrine of Thing.

The brothers have arrived. The valkyrie have arrived. The monks have arrived. The dragons have arrived. The high priestess has arrived. The heroine has arrived. The handsome young Thingite warrior turned into donkey has arrived.

The shrine is overpopulated, and a riot is near. Long choir singing, with arias, duos, trios, quartettes etc. go on and on.....

Finally the high priestess puts the handsome young Thingite warrior turned into donkey to the altar and calls for the heroine. She has to the donkey with her sacred to break the curse.

The heroine burst out in aria about pros, cons and applesauce. Finally she decides to her loved one and so does. The donkey shakes, rattles and rolls whilst the orchestra plays awful boring music, supposed to be romantic.

Suddenly the handsome young Thingite warrior rises from the altar, kisses the heroine and due to the kiss no one is able to sing.

The valkyries and the beautiful golden (yay!) seeing the love of the heroine and the handsome young Thingite warrior, realise the error of their ways and swear never to hunt the intelligent star sheep again and to spend their eternity rewarding loyal Thingites.

The brothers overcome by the magnificence of the THING shrine, vow to serve THING till their life's end. They fill the wagon with pilfered THING trappings and die trying to move the wagon without a donkey.


The golden sings a concluding aria and the curtain falls at last.

The lights are turned on, and the audience is awaked and heads for the bar.

The lovers with the handsome young Thingite warrior returned to his former glory, come on stage where the tomato and apples from the audience if stored well should see them out to the next concert.

END of The Heroine and the handsome young Thingite warrior

OK, but now the valkyrias go off twice for the sheep hunt...

and

shall spelling, grammar etc be corrected? Might not be the best grammar correcter since english is not my first language

Ooops

I'll try again shall I?........

guess so...

Act IV

The low lands approaching the Icy Mountains. Scouting dragons flies to and fro´ watching and gazing. No enemies around.

A pirate and a villain pull a squeaking cart with a donkey sitting in it, moving slowly up a stony mountain path. The men sing a song about bravery whilst the donkey shrieks. (or whatever donkeys do)

The donkey (in a stage whispered aria to the audience) reveals that it is actually the lost brother, the handsome young Thingite warrior, trapped in the body of a donkey until he is freed by his love, the heroine. The donkey shrieks with despair because he believes his love is now hangin’ with the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) for all eternity and no longer interested in earthly pursuits.

On the other side of the universe, the heroine IS hangin' with the valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) but finds she can't concentrate on hunting the sacred of the star meadows. The valkyrie and the beautiful golden (yay!) sing of their pleasure in the slaughter the intelligent star . She finds she is constantly drawn to Earth and the THING shrine with its eternal flame and occasional troll (is that like an occasional table?).

Back on the stony mountain path, the braying donkey spots an approaching and makes even more noise. The reunited older brothers stop pulling the cart just in time to see the donkey being snatched by a .

“Ye! We´re approaching the shrine of Thing”, says the confused villain. A long aria about the holiness of the shrine is followed by another aria by Peet the Constrictor. This one is a very sad one about their mother who died due to overeating during a Christmas lunch.

The brings the handsome young Thingite warrior trapped in the body of a donkey to the high priestess. The high priestess puts the donkey in a sacred sleep and the purple clad monks carry him down to the high altar.

The reunited brothers, singing the song of the Seven Dwarfs (from the Disney movie snow white), leave the cart and continue to walk up the stony mountain path.

Suddenly they see the beautiful golden (yay!) carrying twelve singing valkyrie and one heroine. The heroine's yearning for her handsome young Thingite warrior has made her ask the beautiful golden (yay!) to return her to the Shrine. The valkyrie have come for the ride to see if they can rumble with the Gods.

The brothers faint. The valkyrie and the heroine sing a song about revenge and head for the Gods Petty Farm. But first they must go for the quest of the sacred sheep of the star meadows

The ladies, strengthened by popcorn from the audience arrives to the Gods Petty Farm, and conquers the Farm easily by singing latest hits from the Top 40 list. All the Gods evaporates when the golden throw flames at them.

The ladies climbs up to the ’s back and returns to the shrine.


The sacred shrine of Thing.

The brothers have arrived. The valkyrie have arrived. The monks have arrived. The dragons have arrived. The high priestess has arrived. The heroine has arrived. The handsome young Thingite warrior turned into donkey has arrived.

The shrine is overpopulated, and a riot is near. Long choir singing, with arias, duos, trios, quartets etc. go on and on.....

Finally the high priestess puts the handsome young Thingite warrior turned into donkey to the altar and calls for the heroine. She has to the donkey with her sacred to break the curse.

The heroine burst out in aria about pros, cons and applesauce. Finally she decides to her loved one and so does. The donkey shakes, rattles and rolls whilst the orchestra plays awful boring music, supposed to be romantic.

Suddenly the handsome young Thingite warrior rises from the altar, kisses the heroine and due to the kiss no one is able to sing.

The valkyries and the beautiful golden (yay!) seeing the love of the heroine and the handsome young Thingite warrior, realise the error of their ways and swear never to hunt the intelligent star sheep again and to spend their eternity rewarding loyal Thingites.

The brothers overcome by the magnificence of the THING shrine, vow to serve THING till their life's end. They fill the wagon with pilfered THING trappings and die trying to move the wagon without a donkey.

The beautiful golden (yay!) sings a concluding aria and the curtain falls at last.

The lights are turned on, and the audience is awaked and heads for the bar.

The lovers with the handsome young Thingite warrior returned to his former glory come on stage where the tomato and apples from the audience if stored well should see them out to the next concert.

END of The heroine and the handsome young Thingite warrior

I have checked spelling and grammar for Act IV!!!

Lovely!!!

Noticed one thing though - in the same paragraph as the brothers faint - the valkyrias are again going for the ... assume you just forgot to delete that.

I'm not doing very well am I? Yes I forgot to delete the the valkyrias are again going for the I left out an "of" somewhere too

Probably need to revise the whole thing...do you know how to cut and paste posts without losing the smilies?

No, I´ve no idea about that. If you cut and paste between postings what´s written between <> is left, so you have to put<> around the words again to get the smileys.

What´s odd is that when I copied act IV to "Word" only the smilies were copied into the word document and nothing of the text...

So I had to copy the text into "Wordpad" in order to be able to edit. But then of course the smileys disappeared...

Computer software....

Hi MT!
I´ve copyied (how on is that spelled correctly?) the entire opera libretto and hopefully I´ll have time during Easter to fix it and se if it can be put into a guide entry.

Otherwise I´m in the midst of drafting an article about my pet science. That´s RL though and awfully serious... and likewise boring

Take care!

Thats great!

I'll chat with you after Easter.

Thanks

Have fun with your RL article - will you publish in any journal I could get in the newsagent?

BE PATIENT
BE PATIENT
BE PATIENT
BE WATER

BE WATER
BE LAKE
BE FULL
BE STILL




PATIENCE

Patience Is A Virtue
Patience Is A Womans* Name
Patience Is A Virtuous Woman,
Patience Is Her Game









M8*