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EF: A29878519 - 'General' William Booth (1829 - 1912), Evangelist

Post 1

Josephus

Excellent article - but starts off on a a wrong foot:

William Booth was born in Sneinton (where there is a birthplace museum, and a primary school named after him), not Sneiton.


EF: A29878519 - 'General' William Booth (1829 - 1912), Evangelist

Post 2

Josephus

Also the Salvation Army is not referenced until a long way into the article.

It would make more sense to add this reference in the introductory paragraph so that:

On 28 August, 1912 William Booth's funeral procession left the International Headquarters of the organisation he had founded, as the Christian Revival Association, 47 years earlier. As it moved off, 10,000 uniformed adherents fell into step behind and 40 massed brass bands played the 'Dead March' from Handel's Saul. 'General' William Booth was laid to rest in Abney Park Cemetery, Stoke Newington.

would become:

On 28 August, 1912 William Booth's funeral procession left the International Headquarters of the Salvation Army the organisation he had founded, as the Christian Revival Association, 47 years earlier. As it moved off, 10,000 uniformed adherents fell into step behind and 40 massed brass bands played the 'Dead March' from Handel's Saul. 'General' William Booth was laid to rest in Abney Park Cemetery, Stoke Newington.

This would help save some confusion, otherwise you don't find out the name of the organisation Booth is famous for founding until you have nearly finished the article. smiley - winkeye

I would also suggest that the term adherents be replaced by 'soldiers' - as "adherent" has a specific meaning within the Salvation Army: Someone who is not a soldier and who does not wear a uniform. So, in the context of this article "uniformed adherents" is just wrong.


EF: A29878519 - 'General' William Booth (1829 - 1912), Evangelist

Post 3

Danny B

All done smiley - ok


EF: A29878519 - 'General' William Booth (1829 - 1912), Evangelist

Post 4

Josephus

You have been exceptionally busy Danny.

Have some cake to go with your chocolate smiley - cake - got to keep your strength up.


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EF: A29878519 - 'General' William Booth (1829 - 1912), Evangelist

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