h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Uni : Essex men who built the United States - A9999346
Author: The_Jon_m - Scout, I am the only and only, nobody I'd rather be. Wibble - U204330

okay, here we go, lets hope this passes through quickly

This is a comprehensive Uni Project and here is each Entry -

A9998905 Introduction

A9998031 Virginia

A9998149 Massachusetts

A9998126 Connecticut

A9998266 Rhode Island

A9998653 Pennsylvania, Delaware and New Jersey

A9998725 Georgia

A9998806 The United States

It's best if comments about each Entry were kept to this Peer Review thread and not on each Entry, as it makes it easier for the author and sub-editor to make changes.

By the way, it's a cracking read, and will take some time. Make a cuppa and a sandwich and settle in.

(I'll come back with some comments on each one jon )

Right. Having read them for entertainment, and now skimmed through for the usuals, looking good My only suggestion would be to remove the 'Part' sections from the titles, as you cover that information in the Introduction. But that's up to you, because it does flow well from one section into the next and this would prevent skipping about by readers. So I guess I'm saying, if it were me I'd take 'em out, but you're not me, and it doesn't hurt the Project having them in.

Right, I'm confused now, so let's just leave it. Nice stuff

Connecticut should be A9998176

Can I point out a few typos first, please? I didn't notice this project. Give me a few minutes.

A9998905 Introduction

many of them reference the mother country --> many of them refer to the mother country

national amergency --> national emergency

A9998031 Virginia

fools gold --> fool's gold

Named for the 'Virgin Queen' --> Named after the 'Virgin Queen'

A9998149 Massachusetts

"John Winthrop was born to the lord of the manor of Gronton in Suffolk, Adam Winthrop." -- this reads oddly, as he was presumably born to the lady of the manor. Perhaps rephrase it as "was the son of".

who owed land around Springfield --> who owned land around Springfield

John Forth owed Great Stambridge Hall --> John Forth owned Great Stambridge Hall

Winthrop spent some of his vacations --> Winthrop spent some of his holidays

the Privy Council ackowledged --> the Privy Council acknowledged

"When one of Pynchon's theological tracts, attacking the orthodox view of atonement was published" -- add a comma after atonement or remove the comma after tracts

Is it really Nathanial Ward with an -ial? According to my Encyclopaedia Britannica, it should be Nathaniel.

Is it Nathanial Rogers or Nathaniel Rogers? You use both spellings.

I haven't time to look at the rest now.

A9998176 Connecticut

You have "aboard the Griffen" but later you have "and board the Griffin". Which is it?

had put pay to many --> had put paid to many

All those taken care of Gnomon

Keep going!

(Nathanial/Nathaniel Ward seems to exist in both forms, but the second more commonly, so I've changed it for simplicity's sake).

Sorry I haven't had a chance to look at the rest yet.

A9998266 Rhode Island

"In December 1629 he married Mary Barnard, one of the Masham household." -- is this Williams or Masham you are talking about here?

If it is Williams, you should change "he" to "Williams" and in the next sentence, change "Williams" to "he".

yep, it is Williams

A9998653 Pennsylvania etc.

"Penn's agent and his son William" -- it's not immediately clear whether it is Penn's son or the agent's son. Try rewording it in some way. If it Penn's son William, then it is also not clear which William Penn you mean in the next sentence. Perhaps it would be better not to mention the son's name.

"Penn's agent and his own son William2

I've just had a poke around - Penn's agent Philip Ford was the man responsible for defrauding Penn. William Penn Jr. certainly didn't give his father an easy time, but he doesn't seem to have been directly involved with the swindle: could we cut him right out?

if you want.

A9998725 Georgia

Even thought he was acquitted --> Even though he was acquitted

A9998806 The United States

"at his house, Otes, in High Laver near Harlow." -- is this in Essex? If so, you should say so.

"The Treaty of Paris was signed in September 1783" -- was that not called the Treaty of Versailles?

That's great Gnomon Thankyou!

Googling '1783' and 'treaty', everything comes up 'Paris'. They may have popped out to Versailles in the afternoons ...