Being a Team Captain
Created | Updated Feb 24, 2003
There are far more masochists in the world than people realize. A category
of masochists that is often overlooked, and that in fact is quite a large
sub-group of masochists, is that of the Sports Team Captains. Concerning
these people, maybe better than to talk about masochists we should be
talking about the Insane.
Team captains are people who, _voluntarily_, take upon themselves the
responsibility for getting enough players on the field:
1) to at least not be disqualified from the game;
2) so that there is a complete team, i.e. the maximum number of
players that the rules say are allowed on the field at any
time;
3) (in the ideal case) so that there is a comfortable number of
substitutes.
One of the players in the team _has_ to do this, because otherwise chaos
would quickly result, and the team would be punished with fines for not
showing up with enough players to play. However, according to the Law Of
Conservation Of Responsibility [1], one person taking more responsibility
results in the other players feeling overall _less_ responsible, and this
makes the captain's task more arduous.
Here are some tips that can be useful when you are or want to become a
team captain:
1) Don't take the job!
2) If you (feel you) have to, remember that you are now no more
the friend of your team mates, at least, not like you used to
be.
I'll explain the last point a bit more: In periods when it is hard to
motivate players to show up, you will have to be mean, nasty, sly,
manipulative, persistent, and nag and nag and nag till they get tired of
opposing and show up just to stop the argument. You do not make friends
with this behaviour.
After all this work the self-chosen team captain gets the blame for when
it doesn't work out all right after all. Also, you can get schizophrenic
because you'll notice that you'll be grateful for every team member who
shows up, and you'll curse the ones that don't -- and the next week those
people will have switched places!
The _real_ reason for someone to become a team captain is not because they
like the responsibility; it is entirely for selfish reasons. They _really_
want to play the game, and as it concerns a team sport, they have to make
sure that there are others present as well. They can't stand the thought
of not being able to play because someone else screwed up. [2]
Anyway, the most useful information that can be given to a team captain is
how to stop being one once you've become one. Here's two options:
1) After years of trying (and failing) to persuade people to take
over from you, you finally draw the line and simply stop doing
it. Sometimes one of your players is keen enough to take over
from you. More often, the team folds.
2) Arrange to be away for the first two matches of the season.
Kindly request one of the other players (who shows some sign of
lunacy) to organise these first two matches in your absence.
On your return, just keep quiet, and hope they will be foolish
enough to carry on. [3]
In short, a team captain is a certified lunatic. I hope I survive this
season...
[1] The Law Of Conservation Of Responsibility of course envelops a lot
more people than just to team captains. _Anyone_ who takes on
responsibility experiences this social law, and anyone who does it
voluntarily and for free can count themselves among the Insane who
have been scetched above. Luckily they can also benefit from some
of the tips mentioned in this entry.
[2] I didn't want to spoil this article by being fair and nuanced, so I put
all the mitigating circumstances in the footnotes. Team captains are
sometimes simply the people with the most time, or just in the best
place to be one. A lot of their team members do their best to make the
captain's job easier. And the world is not filled with selfish people:
there _are_ unselfish captains who sacrifice time and effort to please
others, you know!
[3] These two tips come from the personal experience of Philip Best. And I
was the sucker who took over from him...
of masochists that is often overlooked, and that in fact is quite a large
sub-group of masochists, is that of the Sports Team Captains. Concerning
these people, maybe better than to talk about masochists we should be
talking about the Insane.
Team captains are people who, _voluntarily_, take upon themselves the
responsibility for getting enough players on the field:
1) to at least not be disqualified from the game;
2) so that there is a complete team, i.e. the maximum number of
players that the rules say are allowed on the field at any
time;
3) (in the ideal case) so that there is a comfortable number of
substitutes.
One of the players in the team _has_ to do this, because otherwise chaos
would quickly result, and the team would be punished with fines for not
showing up with enough players to play. However, according to the Law Of
Conservation Of Responsibility [1], one person taking more responsibility
results in the other players feeling overall _less_ responsible, and this
makes the captain's task more arduous.
Here are some tips that can be useful when you are or want to become a
team captain:
1) Don't take the job!
2) If you (feel you) have to, remember that you are now no more
the friend of your team mates, at least, not like you used to
be.
I'll explain the last point a bit more: In periods when it is hard to
motivate players to show up, you will have to be mean, nasty, sly,
manipulative, persistent, and nag and nag and nag till they get tired of
opposing and show up just to stop the argument. You do not make friends
with this behaviour.
After all this work the self-chosen team captain gets the blame for when
it doesn't work out all right after all. Also, you can get schizophrenic
because you'll notice that you'll be grateful for every team member who
shows up, and you'll curse the ones that don't -- and the next week those
people will have switched places!
The _real_ reason for someone to become a team captain is not because they
like the responsibility; it is entirely for selfish reasons. They _really_
want to play the game, and as it concerns a team sport, they have to make
sure that there are others present as well. They can't stand the thought
of not being able to play because someone else screwed up. [2]
Anyway, the most useful information that can be given to a team captain is
how to stop being one once you've become one. Here's two options:
1) After years of trying (and failing) to persuade people to take
over from you, you finally draw the line and simply stop doing
it. Sometimes one of your players is keen enough to take over
from you. More often, the team folds.
2) Arrange to be away for the first two matches of the season.
Kindly request one of the other players (who shows some sign of
lunacy) to organise these first two matches in your absence.
On your return, just keep quiet, and hope they will be foolish
enough to carry on. [3]
In short, a team captain is a certified lunatic. I hope I survive this
season...
[1] The Law Of Conservation Of Responsibility of course envelops a lot
more people than just to team captains. _Anyone_ who takes on
responsibility experiences this social law, and anyone who does it
voluntarily and for free can count themselves among the Insane who
have been scetched above. Luckily they can also benefit from some
of the tips mentioned in this entry.
[2] I didn't want to spoil this article by being fair and nuanced, so I put
all the mitigating circumstances in the footnotes. Team captains are
sometimes simply the people with the most time, or just in the best
place to be one. A lot of their team members do their best to make the
captain's job easier. And the world is not filled with selfish people:
there _are_ unselfish captains who sacrifice time and effort to please
others, you know!
[3] These two tips come from the personal experience of Philip Best. And I
was the sucker who took over from him...
