A Conversation for Multiple Sclerosis

Peer Review: A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 1

pedboy

Entry: Multiple Sclerosis - A967575
Author: PEDBOY-keeper of smelly Veeblefetzers and expert on all things shallow - U200417

A967575


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 2

Mikey the Humming Mouse - A3938628 Learn More About the Edited Guide!

Have you taken a look at this entry: A678846 ?

I think there are some bits from that one that you might consider combining with yours.

smiley - cheers
Mikey


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 3

pedboy

I thank you Mikey.
smiley - cheers


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 4

pedboy

I did make some revisions , but am having a hard time with guide ml. could you take a look at it and offer advice or make revisions? it can be found here http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A967575


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 5

Miranda (Make tea! Yes, Cissdur, it's still me)

smiley - ok This looks like a very good article to me (not an expert)! Just thought I'd mention a famous MS victim, namely the British cellist Jaqueline duPre.

M


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 6

Friar

Remove the:

Multiple Sclerosis
as well as the tags.

Friar


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 7

Friar

Still, I don't know if this entry differs enough from the original entry on MS, linked to earlier by Mikey. . .


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 8

pedboy

I have made the changes you have suggested, and guess what? It works now, thank you. I have used that as a guide for my article, by Mikeys suggestion.
The facts stated and the prognosis sections are where most differences are found.


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 9

Mikey the Humming Mouse - A3938628 Learn More About the Edited Guide!

Some responses to the various comments in the thread so far:

I wouldn't use the word 'victim' to descibre someone who has MS. You use the word 'victim' to describe someone who has been killed or has been hit by a car, but it's not generally considered a polite term for someone with a chronic illness.

The previous multiple sclerosis entry didn't ever make it into the Edited Guide, Friar, although I do think I remember seeing it in Peer Review or something. I think in some ways this entry is more complete, and in some ways that entry is. This entry is definitely more up to date, but that entry is more clearly written and formatted. Personally, I think the best thing to do would be to combine the two entries, giving researcher credit to all three (Pedboy, Krayzee Girl, and Bossel).

I think it's also important to give information on how MS is diagnosed -- MRI, lumbar puncture, visual evoked potentials, optic neuritis, etc.

I'm definitely impressed with the progress that's been made, though.
smiley - cheers
Mikey


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 10

Friar

Thanks Mikey, I misunderstood, once I saw that the previous had been edited, I assumed that it was EG. . .oops smiley - biggrin

Anyway, I noticed some strikingly similar language between the two articles smiley - erm I suggest adding some authors.

Friar


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 11

pedboy

I have done some tweaking and adding to the article.
I also have given credit where due, except that I am listed as an editor only, not co-author.
It is , in my opinion looking closer to a respectible entry, my grammer and word useage may be in need of some revision, because I have MS in the secondry progressive stage and my thinking is not as it used to be. So please I am asking for help and imput. located here http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A967575?s_fromedit=1
smiley - zen
smiley - towel


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 12

Miranda (Make tea! Yes, Cissdur, it's still me)

Sorry about 'victim' - it's not considered impolite in Norwegian...smiley - blush
How should I put it in English?

M


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 13

pedboy

The word sufferer would probably be a more suitable word, but victim is not incorrect in my view.
Mr. Adams is a victim, I am a sufferer. Is that how you are meaning it Mikey?
smiley - zen
smiley - towel


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 14

Mikey the Humming Mouse - A3938628 Learn More About the Edited Guide!

You're currently listed as editor because you're the one putting together the entry. If the entry gets picked the Edited Guide, your name will be put back in the author box with the others, and the sub-editors name will go in the editor's box -- hope this clears things up.

I've heard some people use the word 'sufferer', yes, but I think even more commonly used terms are "people with MS" or if you're talking medically, "patients with MS". There are more than a few people out there who wouldn't want to be characterized as victims or sufferers, because they don't see themselves that way. Both of those terms have pretty negative connotations here in the US, where I am.

smiley - magic
Mikey


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 15

pedboy

Thanks for straightening that out for me Mikey, if I had of done a bit more reading before asking...
What do you think of the entry now, I think I am done with it.


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 16

Friar

"It affects the cognitive (thinking part) as well as the physical part of the suffers life"

You mean Effects not "Affects" and sufferers not "suffers". Also this sentence in general could be re-worded to be more clear.

Friar


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 17

Friar

"For some unknown reason the white blood cells attack the spinal chord and nerves"

Comma after reason, and you mean cord not "chord"


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 18

Friar

"Also, scar tissues (sclerosis) on the myelin further disrupt the message being sent, so when the brain tells the eye to wink, the message may not be clear, or it may never reach the eye at all."

That is one sentence. It shouldn't be.


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 19

Friar

"One concept is the dissemination in time and space. It is a simple concept, but fairly difficult to put into practice because of the difficulty in satisfying the criteria"

The idea of dissemination is unclear and should be better explained.


A967575 - Multiple Sclerosis

Post 20

Friar

Last one:
"While the causes of MS are still unknown, it’s a fact that, it’s not a mental illness; but it does affect the brain in many unknown areas. It’s not contagious. And it’s not directly inherited, although studies do reveal a genetic predisposition. MS is mainly found in the northern or southern latitudes, with a very small portion found near the equatorial areas. "

The writing here is a little choppy until the last sentence. Try giving it another look.

By the way, sorry to all to have to multiple post, having terminal computer problems. . .

Friar

ps. The article is really coming along nicely. Good Work!


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