A Conversation for The Mother of All Gooses

The Stage

Post 1

The Stage Manager

*there is a feedback screech and then the music begins. A tinny arrangement of nursery rhyme tunes is emitted from the loudspeakers (an orchestra would be too expensive)*

*a deep voice trying to do an impersonation of 'the voice God' interrupts...*

My Lords, Ladies, Gentlemen. Boys and Girls. Other Entities. Welcome to the Hootoo Theatre.

Atelier Productions in Association with Graphic Ants (sponsored by Bassets Allsorts) proudly presents, for your delight and delectation, The Mother of All Gooses.

*the curtain creakily draws back to reveal the Main Room of the Gingerbread Cottage http://www.asterlil.com/h2g2/mothergoose/stageset.htm *

*the protagonists can enter from the wings or from either of the two doors at the back of the stage... or from above, of course*

The Stage

Post 2

Buttercup the Pantomime Cow

*Buttercup waits in the wings*

[Back]: Charming spot. Inspiring prospects. Let's go.
[Front]: We can't.
[Back]: Why not?

*dramatic pause*

[Front]: We're waiting for Godot.

*another dramatic pause*

[Back]: Any more culture like that and you'll turn into a fruit yoghurt. On with the show!

*the music starts - it's the introductory bars of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air* the front end Buttercup turns her horns back to front and ambles onto the stage from stage right* the back follows in due order but does a strange jumping dance*

[Front]: (singing)

smiley - musicalnote
Now this is the story smiley - space all about how
We ended up working smiley - space as a pantomime cow
It'll take just a minute smiley - space and it's not very scary
We'll tell you the tale smiley - space of the Queen of the Dairy

smiley - musicalnote
On Lite Philadelphia smiley - space born and raised
We won a beauty pageant; smiley - space we were feted and praised
But our looks didn't last, smiley - space they faded, and now
We make both ends meet smiley - space as a pantomime cow

smiley - musicalnote
So come along with us smiley - space and join the three blind mice,
the seven dwarves and others. smiley - space It'll be so nice
There's a puss in boots smiley - space (or a worm that is hairy)
We might even bump into smiley - space the odd fuzzy fairy

smiley - musicalnote
They'll guide us across smiley - space the Lake of the Row Row
And then we'll climb high smiley - space to the spire that's called Ho Ho
After admiring the Garden smiley - space that's oh so Contrary
(Keep an eye out smiley - space for a gal called Mary)

smiley - musicalnote
If we manage to escape smiley - space from Pecos Bill's Jail
The eggs of Mother Goose smiley - space may be found on the trail
But there are a few traps smiley - space to catch the unwary
So hold onto the tail smiley - space of the Queen of the Dairy

*the front stops and waits for the applause* the back fails to realise that the music has stopped and then finishes by doing the splits*

The Stage

Post 3

Titania (gone for lunch)

*applauds enthusiastically*

The Stage

Post 4

Purr in Boots

*Munching on the last portion of what is clearly the remainder of a large gingerbread man, a stylishly dressed large black cat enters from the Garden Door.*

Aaaah... Ssuch a rrefresshing place to take rrefresshmentss! Who iss thiss? How now brrown Cow?

*He slinks swiftly to the Back of the Cow, swaying in rhythm to the tune that's just finished, and grabs hold of the tail.*

The Stage

Post 5

Amy the Ant - High Manzanilla of the Church of the Stuffed Olive

*whistles in approval*

smiley - whistle

The Stage

Post 6

Buttercup the Pantomime Cow

*the music reprises* Buttercup starts a slow ambling dance around the stage with Purr in Boots hanging onto her tail*

The Stage

Post 7

Witty Moniker

*Applauds the opening number.*

Quite impressive, don't you think?

The Stage

Post 8

The Ugly (but rather big) Duckling

*comes running in from the left wing, too late realising he should have come in from the right wing*

*skids to a halt, thinks of running back, changes his minds, runs between the cow's legs, trips over his own somewhat too large feet as he trys to catch the cat's tail*

*his bill closes around the tail a bit harder than intended while the duckling tries to regain his balance*

The Stage

Post 9

Seven Dwarves

*seven dwarves run on to the stage from the right wing*

*the front dwarf stops, allowing all his friends to crash into him*

*he falls forward, narrowly escaping crushing the poor duckling*

*the dwarves put their hand on each others shoulders and march along whistling behind the rest*

The Stage

Post 10

Blue-Eyed BiPedal BookWorm from Betelgeuse (aka B4[insertpunhere])

smiley - laugh

Oh, prime slapstick! Hey, Dwarves, did y'all bring your parkas? I hear we're expecting some White Snow shortly.

smiley - biggrin

The Stage

Post 11

Purr in Boots

Yeowrrrlll... *Looks behind him at the Duck clamped onto his tail.*

*stage whispers* Be carreful not to rruffle the furr too much, little fledgling. Yeou look plump enough to take the place of the Christmas Goose that Ai missed during holiday.

*Continues to jig along with the Back of the Cow, wondering where the Front of the Cow will lead next.*

The Stage

Post 12

The Ugly (but rather big) Duckling

*hangs on for dear life, trying to smile bravely, despite really wanting to cry when he hears what the cat whispers to him*

The Stage

Post 13

Titania (gone for lunch)

Boooooooo! You leave that duck alone!

The Stage

Post 14

Purr in Boots

*Puts on his best feral grin and mutters between clenched teeth.*
Ai can ssee that playing the parrt of a Good charracterr could be morre difficult than Ai had anticipated...

smiley - catsmiley - biggrin

The Stage

Post 15

Buttercup the Pantomime Cow

*Buttercup starts another lap of the stage*

The Stage

Post 16

Purr in Boots

smiley - cat
Ai have hearrd it ssaid that "If yeou'rre not the lead'Elephant, the view neverr changes." **Winks at d'E and Zeppo.**

**Whispers to the Duck.** Hold on tight, maiy ffine ffeatherred ffriend! We arre apprroaching the Dwarrves and Ai can only sspeculate where they might grrab yeou in orrderr to join the congo line...
smiley - cat

The Stage

Post 17

Three Blind Mice

*three blind mice enter from stage right and immediately run up the legs of the nearest stool so as not to be underfoot of the conga line. Once on the stool, they all straighten their fedoras, adjust their glasses and adopt a Fred-Astaire sort of pose, leaning on their canes*

*All three, in close harmony*

You'll hear it said, mice run the planet.
We like to think it's true but can it
be? We could be tromped to pieces
on this set, we poor blind meeses!

1: Our tails were cut off with a carving knife!
2: We hear it was done by a farmer's wife!
3: Rumors about the deed are rife!
All: We're doomed to chase her down all our life!
1: But we don't want to cause any strife
2: The play's the thing and we're just a trife
3: le.

All: We're Threeee blind miiiice!

*they bow, then hop onto the table and hit their marks around the bud vase*

The Stage

Post 18

Carmel Bunny, spokes stuffie for cute things everywhere

*thesmiley - bunny applauds wildly, jumping up and down and clapping her little hands*

Yeah! Oh, this is soooooooooooooooo good! Will the soundtrack be on sale during intermission, do you think?

The Stage

Post 19

Thistle Howl - a frighteningly cute Critter of the Night

*terribly excited, begins to dash onto the stage from the left*

Dibbs on a gingerbread man!

*she trips over...something...in the wing and goes tumbling across the stage, coming to rest against a table leg*


The Stage

Post 20

Seven Dwarves

*the dwarves jump onto each other until they are standing in a tall - rather wobbly - column following the others*

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