Escape Pod Dreams - 7

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The New New blob

Sir! Your tree is waiting!

While the Managing Directors of Irritating Public Radio, Your Friends In The Air, understand the cultural and emotional significance of the unavoidably impinging Holidays Season, and while they try to
accomodate the most prevalent and persistent of the traditions and observances, to the point of actually quaffing a pint or two when having had forced upon them that they don't actually have to pay for it, unless they really want to...

It has come to the attention of the Chairimp of the Baird of Mangling Defectors that some of the more impertinent and importunious of the employees are
using their Internet connexions to look up more and more upscure Christmas traditions and observances from darker and dimmer corners of the globe and history... which reminds me, the next time one of you ****-**-****s
replaces the soft white 40watt in the Chief Engineer's lit world globe with a red or a black light,
we're gonna set a trap for you and you'll get what's comin' to ya, ya wait and see, you cunning little...

In any case, a set of guidelines has been produced, to guide the employees, most especially the 'creative' and 'inquisitive' ones who will now find the words Yule,
Tide, Christmas, Woden, Ann Rice, Martha Stewart and Ronald Biggs
locked out of access on their main server, in their pursuit of officially approved office behavior and gaiety. These be the guidelines:

Guidelines for Officially Opproved Office Beehivyor

1. Reasons for these actions:
And then I built: DIY cautionary tales FYI by Erewhon, the gnihtoN

2. A social history of our viewpoint, from a culturally sensitve point of view:

Verse and reverse: A tale of intensity in three acts.
by Tarragon Tart

4. The rules for cultural expression, being dependant upon at least three generations of familial practice, not a half hour online:

The Dimwit Zone: Baker's Dozen of Death
by The Last of the Chrome Bumpers

3. Penalties for ignoring same:

The Homely Homily: This Week, Rabbi Menaheim Slivivovitch
by Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

Which reminds me, will the ferrety weasel who put the mistletoe in the light fixture over the door to the staff Lady's please consider himself on report.
The idiots who noticed and chose to take advantage of the situation have already been dealt with and will be out of the bandages by New Years.
Attorneys are still being consulted and the employee Boxing Day fund has been plundered in hopes of forestalling any severe action.
Any further furtive activities of a similar sort will resort in smiley - mistletoemistletoe-sniffing dogs being brought in and the culprit being deported to Manchester.

The Escape Pod Dreams

(tonsil revenge)

19.12.02 Front Page

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