h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'Welcome to the Majestic City devision of the Fortune 500 giant "Hell and Heavy Weapons"' a cheerful electronic voice exclaims as you walk through the motion detecting, automatic mithril doors.

There are about 10 high backed leather chairs scattered about the waiting room. Infront of each chair is a holo-projector, and imbedded in the right arm of the corrisponding chair is a keypad that controls what the holo-projector shows. Some options ar periodicles, local/state/nationwide/inter-national/inter-planetary news, History and History International channels, Movie channels, and of course product lines, and product test videos.

There is a marble topped counter that stretches nearly the whole length of the wall oposite the doors, and another sliding mithril door to the left of the counter, there is a hand-print ID pad next to it.

Murals of successful weapon tests adorn the walls and there is a bright scrolling marquis slung under the marble of the counter that lists off the specials of the day and up coming sales.

The counter secretary is a large cheerful wookie who sips coffee from a huge plastic Pepsi Monster Mash cup (from the mid 1990s). When the wookie speaks, a speaker on his bandolier translates into english.

Enjoy the shop!

[Marshal] Yes... I'm looking for a Bolter, Goodwyn Pattern. Mk VI for preference... A Type V mass reactive seismic mine, Mk III Frag Grenades... a Frusil Neuro-Annihilator... Ah, that's illegal isn't it... oh dear, never mind. I'll have the others though.

*Calmly puts his hand in his jacket pocket, grasping an unseen pistol.*

*Wookie secretary behind the desk slips his right hand into an ornate golden skeletal gauntlet that has a largish ruby half sphere on it and activates the desk's shield generator, a gold tinged shield springs up, protecting the desk and the Wookie behind it. He stands to his full 2+ meter hieght, extends his right arm and opens his fist, another ruby half sphere is pointing straight at Marshall's head.*

*the Wookie grunts, and his belt translates:* "your fire arm will not be nessesary.
*Wookie leans closer, lowering his arm* whispering: we can get you "Illegal" weapons and equipment, it just costs a little more. *straightens up and then sits down and presses some buttons on his keyboard* repeats list, only muttering the illegal item: Bolter, Goodwyn Pattern. Mk VI for preference... A Type V mass reactive seismic mine, Mk III Frag Grenades... a Frusil Neuro-Annihilator. will that be all? we have a special on lasguns this week, buy one get one free. we will even throw in one Atredes built ornithopter with every half dozen lasguns ordered. *smiles, not bearing teeth, as that would be very scarey.*

[Marshal] No, just the ordered products, thankyou. Money will not be a problem, I intend to pay in cash.

Wookie: Very good sir, I will calculate the cost momentarily. Would you like to take it all home yourself or have it delivered? And would you like to inspect the products before you accept them?

I have finished the math, that will be $934.89 in cash.

*Marshal inspects the weapons, and pays.*
[Marshal] Thankyou. I'm sure I'll be back.

Wookie secretary: You are quite welcome. Have fun.

Hello i would like to buy a Chrono-legionare backpack please

*Wookie secretary turns from his game of "Red Alert II: Yuri's Revenge" and looks happily at Sir Chronos*

Wookie secretary: Very well. Would you like the Chrono-rifle as well? It erases the target from existance.

No, that is to neat for those who would be my enemys. I've got Mystrunner working on my sidearm.

Wookie secretary: Just the backpack, which comes with a life time fix or replace warrenty, has its own power plant so it never needs charging, wil be 100 gold peices. If you prefer other forms of money, just say so, and I'll do the conversion.

*Wookie presses button on keyboard, a Roche worker droid follows a repulsar cart into the room. In the cart is a shiney white backpack. It almost looks like it has Imperial infantry plasteel covering it (it does)*

Wookie secretary: Would you care to inspect the merchendise?

*Drops fourteen silver bars about five inches long and one inch in diameter on the counter*
that should cover it. And i don't think i will have to inspect it
*puts on backpack*
umm..hows it work?

*Wookie secretary sweeps the silver bars into his desk drawer and closes it. The Roche droid hands a small plastic bag with a metal tube in it to the Wookie secretary.*

Wookie secretary: it is commanded by a nueral implant, you will recieve a menu in your mind, you think the command word, which you will devise yourself, think about where you want to go, and then think the command word again and it will chronoshift you to the desired place. Shall I install the nueral implant now? it must go in your medula oblongata, and it is painless, but requires good aim to administer, self administrations never seem to work.

Implant away! don't miss please

Wookie secretary: In over 300 implantations I have never missed once.

*the Wookie secretary moves behind Chronos, presses the cold metal to the back of his neck and depresses the activator button, with a hiss and a tingley feeling the neural transmitter is in Chronos's medula and he is seeing an instalation shield in his mind's eye.*

Wookie secretary: just follow the instructions and you'll be able to use the backpack in a matter of seconds

*The Wookie secretary goes back behind the counter, sits down, and starts playing Red Alert II: Yuri's Revenge again*

*after a few seconds Chronos vanishes*

*Wookie Secretary keeps on playing his game of Yuri's Revenge, he is winning, using only Tanya and three Chrono Troopers to do so.*

Wookie Secretary: Have fun, I know I am.