A Conversation for 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Peer Review: A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 1

Bluebottle

Entry: 'Moondial' - the Television Serial - A87965095
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

A classic children's television serial that explores what happens to Time when the smiley - moon shines on a sundial.

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A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 2

SashaQ - happysad and 'slightly mad'

Thanks for this Entry - I didn't see Moondial on TV in 1988 but it sounds like it was another tale that I would have enjoyed in the 1990s smiley - ok Particularly interesting about how the setting for the story is a place that can be visited, making everything more vivid smiley - ok

I just had a few questions as I read through.

smiley - ghost "After talking to 'Old' World who tells her that she must save the children and only she has the key, apparently discussing ghosts, she discovers the Moondial." - what does 'apparently discussing ghosts' mean here?

smiley - orib The paragraph about the Oxford Bookworms Library needs tweaking?

smiley - ufo I like the header Dial Tone: Moondial's Reception smiley - laugh but only a couple of sentences relate to the reception in the following paragraphs? - does there need to be a Legacy section as well?

smiley - geek "As a television series from the 1980s, Minty obviously wears double-denim for a large portion of the time, conclusively proving that naysayers are wrong to criticise that style." - I don't see the proof?

I didn't know Belton House was used for 1995 Pride and Prejudice as well - the famous lake is in Cheshire smiley - ok

Strong conclusion smiley - ok


A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 3

Bluebottle

I've added a little bit more detail to the Old World, Oxford smiley - booksmiley - canofworms Library and 'Pride & Prejudice' (not a smiley - rainbow novel, despite the title) sections.

You can't see the proof if you don't watch 'Moondial' smiley - doh Nevertheless Minty actress Siri Neal wore double-denim in 1988 and is still alive today, therefore double-denim is not a cause of death. There is similarly no proof between double-denim affecting climate change, crime rates, health or education. The only conceivable conclusion is that double-denim is mostly harmless and any naysayer criticising it is wrong.

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A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 4

SashaQ - happysad and 'slightly mad'

smiley - ok Yes, 'Pride and Prejudice' has inspired the title of many a smiley - rainbow history event, as that is too good to miss!

Thanks for the extra information about what can be seen in Moondial. Can you see what I'm saying with this logical test of the 'proof'? If the statement 'Critics of double denim are wrong' is proved by the statement 'Minty wore double denim in 1988' then it is also proved by the statement 'Jeremy Clarkson wore double denim in the 1990s' or 'some people wore double denim at some point in the past'. Surely there's no conclusive proof because people are entitled to their opinion of mostly harmless fashion...? (I can't say I'm a fan of that much blue stonewash, but then again I don't even wear denim jeans because they are difficult to sit down in).


A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 5

Bluebottle

The burden of proof is on those who say that double denim must not be worn, not on those who feel it is mostly harmless. There are people in the world smiley - earth who say 'People must not wear double denim' but without ever actually saying why. Now I can understand why you would say 'do not wear fur' – yep, agree with that one 100% smiley - badger.
Fur = animals dead.
Double denim = ….?

What is the reason for not wearing double denim? It is not a cause of death, as you have agreed by your point that Jeremy Clarkson wore double denim in the 1990s and is still alive. It does not cause cancer. It does not kill animals. So what is the disastrous consequence of it? How is the wearing of double denim ethically different to the wearing of any other form of clothing? I don't like denim myself as it isn't a comfortable material and haven't worn jeans since I was eight, but I get angry when people say that others cannot wear what they like without having any reasonable reason. That's bullying.

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A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 6

Gnomon - time to move on

Hi Bluebottle

I'd never heard of this program until now. The entry needs a bit of polishing. I'll do a detailed trawl through it later, but on a quick run through I spot the following:

After talking to 'Old' World -- I've no idea what you mean here. Is 'Old' World a person or a thing? Once you've established that, the sentence is a bit too long - you should split it up:

She talks to Old World, who tells her whatever. Then she discovers the Moondial.

Your description of the sundial makes it sound as if one of the figures holds up the dial and the other the gnomon. Just say that the dial is supported by the two figures.

Tom is not short for Edward - it is a nickname of the boy Edward.

Always check every use of the word 'also' - do you really need it. For example:

'Edward' - an 11-year-old kitchen boy from London who, like his younger sister Dorrie, is dying of TB. He is also frequently beaten as well as locked in cold, dark store rooms.

This would be improved by removing the word 'also'.

to save these two children in the past, convinced that by saving the children from their own times
-- avoid the repetition by rewording, for example:

to save these two children in the past, convinced that by doing so

to reward children and punish others
-- I presume you mean "to reward some children and punish others" rather than "to reward children and punish those who are not children"

Differences with the Novel --> Differences from the Novel

night-time time travel - a cumbersome phrase. You could say "time-travel by night".

Minty obviously wears double-denim for a large portion of the time, conclusively proving that naysayers are wrong to criticise that style.

-- it's not clear how this is proved. Do you mean "Minty looks good in double-denim for a large portion of the time, conclusively proving ..."


though one of Moondial's strengths being how it only sparingly used effects -->
though one of Moondial's strengths was how it used effects only sparingly

smiley - smiley G


A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 7

Bluebottle

Thanks for those suggestions, I've made changes accordingly.

The only thing not changed is that while you are right that Tom is technically not short for Edward but a nickname, 'Tom short for Edward' is a quotation; Tom introduces himself to Minty with those very words, although I have tweaked the first time 'Tom short for Edward' appears to make the fact this is a quotation clearer.

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A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 8

Gnomon - time to move on

Some more detail:

Six × 30-minute episodes -- drop the "x"; no need for it here

18th, 19th and 20th centuries - capitalise centuries as per h2g2 standard

You have a link on the "time" of the phrase "spending her free time" to the entry "The Nature of Time". This would be more appropriate if you moved it to the phrase "the nature of Time".

she is sent her back in time -->
she is sent back in time

You could add a link to A398955
Time Travel - the Possibilities and Consequences on the phrase "time travel".

"The other children of Sarah's time call her a 'devil's child' and like to dress up wearing sackcloth hoods or masks, carrying flaming lanterns, beating and burning effigies of her and threaten to do the same to her. "

-- this is a bit long. You could break it up like this:

The other children of Sarah's time call her a 'devil's child'. They bully her by dressing up in sackcloth hoods or masks, carrying flaming lanterns and beating and burning effigies of her. They also threaten to do the same to her.

and the books she is reading as the legends concerning Belton House.

This doesn't quite make sense. I'm not sure what you intended to say.

The key 'Moondial' is in reality a sundial dating from c1690 that really exists at Belton House and is a Grade II* listed monument.
-- you don't need "in reality" and "really exists". Change it to:

The key 'Moondial' really exists at Belton House; it dates from about 1690 and is a Grade II* listed monument.

she was the one chosen, however she had the most otherworldly presence.
-- incorrect use of 'however'. Try:

she was the one chosen. It was considered, however, that she had the most otherworldly presence.

quickly spin around and around the dial -- I don't think this is clear. I think you mean that the camera spun around while also circling around the dial.

dizzy and feel sick --> feel dizzy and sick

The adaptation follows the plot of the novel very closely, however as is normal the novel does go into more detail than the television serial.
-- misuse of however - change it to "but"

regardless of period she has travelled to -->
regardless of the period she has travelled to

stating that, despite the witch-like characters of Miss Vole and Miss Raven being the villains, it promoted witchcraft. Despite this,

To get around the repetition of "despite" and also to make the first sentence flow better, I suggest:

stating that it promoted witchcraft, although the witch-like characters of Miss Vole and Miss Raven were presented as the villains. Despite this,

where it played Lady Catherine De Bourgh's residence 'Rosings' -- played isn't the right word here. You could try "featured as".

the other main effect are the day-for-night filming sequences -- I think this should be "is" instead of "are"

Yet the serial remains a fondly-remembered...

-- remove "Yet" from this. "Yet" generally means "Despite what you might think"

Footnote 4 says "at night" rather a lot. You could improve it by changing:

avoids the reduction in picture quality that takes place when actually filming at night

to

avoids the reduction in picture quality that takes place when filming in the dark

smiley - smiley G




A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 9

Bluebottle

Thanks - I've made all those changes and tried to explain where I wasn't clear before.

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A87965095 - 'Moondial' - the Television Serial

Post 10

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

I've never heard of this series before. I found this very interesting. smiley - smiley


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Post 11

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Post 12

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Congratulations! smiley - cheers


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Post 13

Gnomon - time to move on

smiley - bubblysmiley - applause


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