The Artificial Stupidity Society
Created | Updated Aug 24, 2019
MODERATOR: Welcome to our first general meeting. It's encouraging to see that six of those in attendance were able to find this hall. Those who have joined recently may be aware that two months ago the "Artificial Intelligence Monitor" ran an article declaring that no one needed to develop artificial stupidity because genuine stupidity was already in oversupply. This created such an uproar that we were able to build a membership of several thousand people. We feel that millions more will join us once they discover how to go online and join. There may also be others who have not yet discovered the telephone. The future is looking rosy, even without yellow-tinted glasses.
A.S.S is proud of what we have accomplished in less than two months. We were able to find someone who could spell well enough to write newsletters for us, not to mention negotiate the difficult paths that lead to printing the newsletters, addressing envelopes, and getting them to the post office with proper postage. Luckily, the niece of one of our members finished high school and was able to take a web design course. She handles the emails that we receive, and is willing to assume an ongoing role if we pay her a fair wage. Last month we took in enough money in dues to pay her for her first week.
Looking at today's agenda, I see that here isn't actually any agenda, because No one on our governing board realized that we would need one. We promise to rectify this within five years. Until then, we will conduct the meeting by asking for questions from the audience. I see someone with his hand up. Sir, you may have the floor.
MEMBER #1: I already have a floor.
MODERATOR: That means that you may ask your question.
MEMBER #1: Oh. My question is this. Wittgenstein said that death is not an event in life, so it is not a proper subject for philosophy.
MODERATOR: Is Wittgenstein still alive?
MEMBER #1: No.
MODERATOR: Then I am afraid he will b=not be allowed to become a member of A.S.S.
MEMBER #2: I don't understand how artificial stupidity would be worth creating.
MODERATOR: What are your reasons for feeling this way?
MEMBER #2: Well, most applications of artificial intelligence are in machines that (hopefully) perform tasks as well as intelligent people would -- guiding airplanes safely to land strips; making coffee at the exact time a human wants to drink it. I assume that application of artificial stupidity to these tasks would result in tragic airplane crashes and grumpy humans who create havoc at work because they didn't get their morning coffee. Any company that made such machines would be out of business soon, and the people who worked there would be out of jobs.
MODERATOR: That would be an opportunity for us. We need those workers to help us spell the words in our newsletters and beg for donations on freeing street corners in Fairbanks, Alaska. Well, that's all we have time for at this meeting. We were only able to book this hall for fiftene minutes. Please enjoy your return trips.
A.S.S is proud of what we have accomplished in less than two months. We were able to find someone who could spell well enough to write newsletters for us, not to mention negotiate the difficult paths that lead to printing the newsletters, addressing envelopes, and getting them to the post office with proper postage. Luckily, the niece of one of our members finished high school and was able to take a web design course. She handles the emails that we receive, and is willing to assume an ongoing role if we pay her a fair wage. Last month we took in enough money in dues to pay her for her first week.
Looking at today's agenda, I see that here isn't actually any agenda, because No one on our governing board realized that we would need one. We promise to rectify this within five years. Until then, we will conduct the meeting by asking for questions from the audience. I see someone with his hand up. Sir, you may have the floor.
MEMBER #1: I already have a floor.
MODERATOR: That means that you may ask your question.
MEMBER #1: Oh. My question is this. Wittgenstein said that death is not an event in life, so it is not a proper subject for philosophy.
MODERATOR: Is Wittgenstein still alive?
MEMBER #1: No.
MODERATOR: Then I am afraid he will b=not be allowed to become a member of A.S.S.
MEMBER #2: I don't understand how artificial stupidity would be worth creating.
MODERATOR: What are your reasons for feeling this way?
MEMBER #2: Well, most applications of artificial intelligence are in machines that (hopefully) perform tasks as well as intelligent people would -- guiding airplanes safely to land strips; making coffee at the exact time a human wants to drink it. I assume that application of artificial stupidity to these tasks would result in tragic airplane crashes and grumpy humans who create havoc at work because they didn't get their morning coffee. Any company that made such machines would be out of business soon, and the people who worked there would be out of jobs.
MODERATOR: That would be an opportunity for us. We need those workers to help us spell the words in our newsletters and beg for donations on freeing street corners in Fairbanks, Alaska. Well, that's all we have time for at this meeting. We were only able to book this hall for fiftene minutes. Please enjoy your return trips.
