A Conversation for Zulu Ned

Peer Review: A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 1

Pinniped

Entry: Zulu Ned - A87938428
Author: Pinniped - U183682

Inspired by Dmitri’s revelation of the value of old periodicals, plus a yearning to explain the essential paradox of the Edited Guide. In other words, I have no idea why I wrote it either.


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 2

You can call me TC

An enjoyable read. You obviously did some research, so I think you can be excused that last bit - especially as the reports that do exist proved so divergent all along the way, and so any story that did turn up would probably have been speculation.


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 3

Pinniped

Thanks.
The ‘research’ was definitely on the light side though, and only sufficient for this tongue in cheek treatment.


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 4

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Hi Pinniped, good to see another Entry of yours in PR.

First of all I would change the title of this piece to something that actually tells potential readers what it is about. 'Zulu Ned' might be just about anything, you should be a bit more specific.

You talk about Ned in the 3rd paragraph without mentioning him first, but make a comparison. That doesn't really work well.

I find the whole structure of your paragraphs 3 and 4 quite confusing, maybe you should go over them again. I had to read them 2 or 3 times to know what actually is going on.

I assume Ned was the manservant? If yes please say so when you first mention him.

'The slope of Rose Bank, down to the Ochre Dyke...'
Do these locations need any more explainations? They don't tell me anything.

Maybe you should move footnote 3 up to the first mention of Mosborough.


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 5

Pinniped

Thanks
Needs a major rewrite so I’ll pull it from PR for now


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 6

SashaQ - happysad

Oh no, I was just going to post to say this reads well - brings the story to life smiley - applause

I agree the title could be expanded, but that will then set the scene for the next paragraphs so I think relatively minor tweaks will be able to answer Tavaron's points smiley - ok Dmitri is the master of the title so something like these might help A87928762A87933045A87933117A87933739

Maybe the first paragraph could be expanded a little bit, too, just to set the scene, then I think the second paragraph will make sense as is. I wondered who the "ambivalent occupant" is in the fourth paragraph, though - is that Ned?

Ah - on first reading I didn't realise Ned was the manservant so that's why he was travelling with Handley. That is a fascinating counterpoint between the two sources, that one chose the 'warrior' angle while the other chose 'victim'...

" she doesn’t seem to have merited journalistic attention. Possibly Mrs Handley’s untold tale was a short and sad one" - well put indeed smiley - rose

I would vote for Footnote 3 being put on bucolic preoccupations smiley - ok

We have some links that can be added - Sheffield A673472 Jarvis Cocker A803404 I confess I don't know Mr Maguire and we don't seem to have a link for him...

"how and where, and to be quite frank if, remains a complete mystery." - superb phrase smiley - ok

Excellent concluding paragraph smiley - applause


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 7

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

I absolutely agree, there is no reason at all to pull this from PR! smiley - erm I'm sorry to have caused this.


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 8

Pinniped

No please don’t worry.
It needed pulling because I found other stuff on-line. It would appear that someone else has made an academic study out of this story.
Their research alters the background a lot. It spoils the story for me actually, making it more about the Anti-Slavery lobby’s pursuit of Ned’s employer. It also dilutes the local interest for me. I thought this story took place on my doorstep. The truth is more complicated, and largely further afield.
And he really did die under a train.
I put this up in the first place because it crystallises h2g2’s problem for me. Dry and purely factual Entries are Wiki’s territory. h2g2 needs to be more - whimsy, local interest, weirdness, something. I personally enjoy Entries that need some further browsing to fully understand. The one-stop encyclopaedic explanation is for Wiki-world again.
It was a half-known tale to which I added some play-at-it research. I hoped it would be fun to read, although lacking in resolution.
Now I am pondering a story that’s resolved but is no longer any fun at all.
smiley - erm


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 9

Pinniped

Also Harry Maguire was one of the heroes of England’s improbable run in last summer’s World Cup. (Members of his family drink in my local, though none of them are full-time members of the Supreme Council of the British Oak).
Mr Maguire currently plays for Leicester City, but will make a too-brief return to his native BDBL next season, since his formative club Sheffield United have retaken their rightful place in the Premiership.


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 10

SashaQ - happysad

Oh, that is a shame that the research spoiled the story...

I wonder if there is anything that could be done to refocus the Entry to be about newspapers, comparing and contrasting the Zulu Ned articles as you have done, with information about what was not in the newspapers at the end... Not so much fun indeed, though, as it wouldn't have such romance, of the mystery in a snapshot of history...

"Dry and purely factual Entries are Wiki’s territory. h2g2 needs to be more - whimsy, local interest, weirdness, something." - Yes indeed.


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 11

Pinniped

Thanks Sasha, but I think there’s plenty more to discover and then write about.


A87938428 - Zulu Ned

Post 12

SashaQ - happysad

smiley - ok

Thanks for the extra information about Mr Maguire, by the way - I was a fan of Leicester City during the Martin O'Neill years but haven't been following football as much in recent years, so that reference passed me by.


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Peer Review: A87938428 - Zulu Ned

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