My telly’s stopped working again. Or the box or whatever you call it. I don’t need all that stuff. Nobody does. It’s just a big swindle so you have to pay for it all. Yes I did ring the Virgin woman and it took her twenty-five minutes to answer. She pretends she’s answering other calls. She wants you to think she’s got a whole load of other people answering too, but I can see right through her. It’s always her. I can tell it’s her because she’s foreign. She doesn’t know I’ve got nothing better to do than listen to her horrible music and I’ll just sit here and wait till it gets dark if I have to. Yes she did answer, finally, and she was just rude. She said I should have left it on overnight for the software. I’m not watching it in the middle of the night. And it’s not true anyway. It’s just a con, so they can fix and fiddle with stuff on the cheap and then fob people off on the phone. They wouldn’t need their software if they made it properly in the first place. Yes I did read the instructions. Fat lot of good it did me. All right, I didn’t read the instructions, but they weren’t where you said they were. Yes I know you went to the trouble of marking the pages, but I told you not to do it in the wrong colour. I can’t see red. What are you laughing at? Yes I know you’re not coming round anyway. I never asked you to. You are coming on Wednesday though, aren’t you? All right, that was last week. When are you coming round then? No, I don’t want anybody else coming round and pretending to fix it. They’ll only make me pay for it. You haven’t being paying them with my money again, have you? If you do, I’ll change my will. Yes I would dare. It’s stupid you giving them my money. The telly is just up in the sky and everybody can get it. It’s ridiculous trying to make people pay for it. It’s criminal. So don’t you dare, even if they do try it on. They never would have when your father was alive. He’d have been straight round to sort them out. Yes I do know where they are. They’re at the other end of the telephone. It’s a good job you haven’t got me paying for that as well. What do you mean, I don’t know the half of it? You’re just trying to put me in a home again, aren’t you? So you can get your hands on my money. You’ll only be happy when I’m dead. Yes I did say dead. Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. What was that noise? Are you still there?
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