So there I was, just watching the closing credits of Alex Kurtzman's The Mummy, waiting for the bafflement and confused disbelief to lift from my mind (hmm, kind of given the general tenor of the review away there – hey ho), when the guy across the aisle from me shouted 'Is there anything to stay for?' – meaning, would there be a post-credit sequence trailing a coming attraction? 'I don't think they've planned that far ahead,' I said. Having established some sort of relationship, my new acquaintance asked me how familiar I was with the series. I made noncommittal noises and he said, 'I've seen the old one, with... what's his name...'
Hmm, I thought, could he mean the 1932 version with Boris Karloff? Or perhaps the 1959 one with Christopher Lee? Maybe even the 1971 take with Valerie Leon? (All of which I have inevitably seen.) It seemed pretty unlikely. 'You mean the 1999 one with Brendan Fraser,' I said, somewhat resignedly. Yes it was; it turned out he preferred it.
Given it's not unknown these days for a remake (or, sigh, reboot) to follow only five years after the thing it's remaking (or rebooting), the nine year gap between the last of the Fraser-starring movies and Kurtzman's film is actually fairly respectable. The 'is there a post-credits sequence?' question is significant, though, for it cuts to the heart of what this new movie is really about: because that's what movie mega-franchises do these days. (Except this one, apparently.)
Things kick off with a somewhat involved prologue involving crusader knights, the expansion of the London underground, and much other unexpected material. What it all boils down to is the story of Princess Ahmanet, heiress of one of the Egyptian pharaohs (she is played by Sofia Boutella, a game young actress making a bit of a career out of big genre roles in which she becomes almost unrecognisable, one way or another). When she is unexpectedly replaced as first in line to the throne, she enters into a pact with the evil god Set and sets about pressing her claim, rather violently. This goes down poorly with the palace staff and she is, according to the voice-over, 'mummified alive' (not according to what we see on screen, she's not, but I digress), stuck in a sarcophagus, and buried 'far from Egypt'.
Roll on the title card and we find ourselves in modern Iraq, in the company of dodgy treasure hunter and mercenary Nick Morton (Tom Cruise). A careless airstrike from Nick's associates in the US Army reveals the entrance to an ancient tomb complex, into which he ventures with plucky archaeologist Jenny (Annabelle Wallis, not making much of an impression). But is it really a tomb, or actually a prison for an ancient evil? (Clue: it's not really a tomb.)
Well, having extracted Ahmanet's sarcophagus, our heroes are flying off somewhere when their plane becomes besieged by crows and Nick's buddy Chris (Jake Johnson) turns into a murderous zombie (it feels like there's a lot more zombies than mummies in this movie). No sooner has Nick handed Annabelle a parachute and thrown her off the plane than it crashes in England. But of course Nick does not end up splashed across the landscape, but wakes up unscathed in an Oxford morgue (by the way, I feel it incumbent upon me to point out that The Mummy's depiction of the traffic system in Oxford city centre leaves a lot to be desired). It transpires that Ahmanet has taken a shine to Nick (that's nice), and quite fancies using him as the vessel to bring about the embodiment of her patron, the god of evil (maybe not so nice). Can he escape the mummy's curse, or is he doomed to a fate that's approximately about as bad as death?
It's not widely known or talked about these days, but for quite a long while in the early 2000s Tom Cruise was in talks with Marvel about his taking the starring role in Iron Man. Terms could not be agreed, however, Cruise not wanting to make 'just another superhero movie' (it's hard to imagine him committing to the standard Marvel multi-film contract, anyway, or indeed agreeing to be part of an ensemble cast). Since then, however, Cruise has noticed the large trucks full of money going to Robert Downey Jr's house, and Universal Pictures have noticed the enormous trucks full of money going to the Marvel offices, and their joint desire to grab a slice of that kind of action is what has led us to the new version of The Mummy.
For, yea, this is the opening installment of what we are supposed to call the Dark Universe franchise, presumably because Legendary Pictures already have their Monsterverse (the film series with Godzilla, King Kong, and the others) and this precludes Universal from using the obvious 'Universal Monsters' title for their own prospective mega-franchise. At one point Dracula Untold was going to be part of this series, but they have apparently rowed back on the idea, and so it's The Mummy kicking off the new undertaking (no pun intended).
Quite how this new series is supposed to function I'm really not sure. The thing about superheroes (as in the Marvel and DC film series) and Toho's daikaiju (in the Monsterverse) is that they have a tradition of bumping into each other and butting heads, whereas all the best-regarded Universal horror films were basically standalones – obviously you have things like Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man and House of Dracula, but these were pretty much last-gasp efforts, one step away from Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein. The material feels severely stretched to meet the requirements of the studio – it looks very much like the intention is to retool the classic monsters as occult super-powered anti-heroes.
So is this really a horror film or isn't it? I would tend to say not, for all that it is saddled with a box office-unfriendly 15 rating in the UK. Sensible studios don't attempt to make genuine horror blockbusters, because the two forms are largely incompatible, appealing to different sensibilities. Attempting to combine the two is the source of many of The Mummy's numerous problems.
On one level this movie wants to be a dark tale about the stirring of ancient, primordial evil, and moral corruption, and the profound ambiguity of the human soul. On another, it wants to be a jolly wise-cracking CGI-driven popcorn movie. I'm not saying it's absolutely impossible to make a film which manages to reconcile these two ambitions. I'm just saying that The Mummy definitely isn't it. Every time the darker material shows signs of promise, along comes a big chase sequence or a comedy bit or Tom Cruise sweating ostentatiously and we're back in vacuous popcorn-land. If the film was the slightest bit knowing or showed any signs of being aware of how outlandish it is, it might function, but Cruise in particular doesn't seem capable of that kind of wit.
I suppose there are signs of hope for the future, as the linking device for the projected Dark Universe franchise is a gang of enigmatic monster-hunters called the Progenium or the Prodigium or the Perineum (I can't actually be bothered to check Wikipedia), led by Russell Crowe as Dr Jekyll (I know, I know) – we pay a brief visit to their archives where they appear to have a vampire skull, pickled bits of the creature from the black lagoon, and so on. Crowe actually has the ability to make this stuff work, believe it or not, though he's much better as Jekyll than Hyde.
And he quite easily blows Tom Cruise off the screen. Probably The Mummy's biggest problem is that Tom Cruise simply does not belong in it, at least not in the role he's been given. Nick Morton is supposed to be a lovable rogue, a scoundrel with the potential to be something better, utterly charming even when he's doing deeply suspect things. Cruise can't do charming any more. He goes through the motions energetically, but he just comes across as fake, and rather than loving Nick in spite of my better judgement, I just thought he seemed like a bit of a tool. Cruise can't really do funny consistently either; for this film to attempt to be a light-hearted adventure is arguably a bad choice, but for it to turn out to be a light-hearted adventure fronted by a leading man with all the comic sparkle of one of Donald Trump's media advisors contemplating their career prospects is, frankly, disastrous.
This is still a fairly lavish modern blockbuster with all the necessary bits in mostly the right order (although not, as noted, many classic Mummy moments), and Crowe and Boutella are generally pretty good in it. And, as Wonder Woman has recently proven, all it takes is one good installment for this kind of movie series to come to life and start generating real interest and excitement. But The Mummy shows every sign of getting the Dark Universe project off to a flying stop.