A Conversation for A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Peer Review: A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 1

Bluebottle

Entry: A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely - A87839833
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

Part One in a two-part series.

<BB<


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 2

SashaQ - happysad

smiley - book


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 3

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Freshly Vaccinated

This is a fascinating tale. smiley - biggrin

But it is monstrously LONG. You KNOW that internet readers can't stay on one page that long.

Why not find a way to break it up into at least two different stories? Say, collect the general's adventure tales, in one set, his political stories in another, and then do WW1 and peace?

Just a thought.

I think this is what h2g2 needs: more stories about truly original characters in the world - be they from Britain, the US, or any other country. The Mad Jack Fullers of planet Earth...


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 4

SashaQ - happysad

I know <BB< wants to balance the man and his horse in two Entries, and I think this Entry can be distilled a bit more so that it isn't monstrously long...

For example, the transport to South Africa could be cut, but turning his horse brown is a more relevant snippet smiley - biggrin

There's a long quote at the end of the 2nd Boer War section that could be paraphrased briefly instead.

The Early Political Career section could include fewer examples of things that were going on, as that section makes heavy reading, and the Ireland section could probably be tightened up, too...

Using links to WW1 entries, the 1914 section could be trimmed.

Although the wig thing is a quirky detail, it isn't relevant to Seely so could be cut.

The Munnings section could be trimmed a bit, too.

I don't see the relevance of the Taking the Michael section.

The Woods section could be tightened up

Overall, though, it is an interesting Entry smiley - ok


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 5

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Freshly Vaccinated

Absolutely. smiley - biggrin It's really interesting!


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 6

Gnomon - time to move on

You should aim for about 1000-2000 words in an entry. The old BBC eds said 500 but I think that was too small. I'm not at my computer so I haven't got a tool for counting the words in this.

Some of the early very short entries were rubbish. But it's far important for an entry to be readable than detailed.


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 7

Bluebottle

Ah yes, I remember the good old days when I wasn't the only person writing rubbish entriessmiley - winkeye

Trimmed by about 45%

<BB<


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 8

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Freshly Vaccinated

This is much better, more focussed. smiley - biggrin I can still remember the point by the time I get to the end. It's still kind of long - you're going on a bit about World War I - but it's a LOT tighter.


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 9

SashaQ - happysad

smiley - biggrin Yes, I agree with Dmitri that this is much tighter although the WWI section is still long.

One thing that did make me wonder was at the end, where Seely is called misguided and there is mention of appeasement, but also mention of aiming to improve relations after living through war, so I'm not sure whether he deserves the harshness or not...


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 10

Bluebottle

'Long' or 'too long'? I've made a couple of trims. I've also changed the ending slightly so that it hopefully comes across as less harsh. Of course, he was right – nine times out of ten it is much better to talk than to declare war. After all, he had lived through the horrors of war and had lost his lungs and his son.
One thing that was edited out of the entry was that, at the time that Germany invaded Poland, Seely was partway through writing a book in which he apparently said what a charming man that young Adolf Hitler was and that the Hitlerjugend was just the German equivalent of the Scouting movement. Seely had been given an official tour of Germany, been shown exactly what they had wanted him to see, told that any unpleasant stories he had heard were unsubstantiated rumours and he swallowed the propaganda hook, line and sinker.
This is understandable and forgivable, but not at all admirable. But he was old and hoped that the world could become a better place, fairer for all.

<BB<


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 11

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Freshly Vaccinated

A gossipy note: hasn't General Seely's great-great-granddaughter just married Sherlock Holmes?

On the Isle of Wight, no less?

And is this great-great-granddaughter's penchant for the avant-garde (she's won the Samuel Beckett Prize, and you don't get that for being normal) a sign that eccentricity is hereditary? smiley - winkeye


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 12

Bluebottle

You mean there is somewhere else they could have got married?smiley - yikes

Yep, that's right – Sophie Hunter is Seely's great-great-granddaughter. She married Benedict Cumberbatch in Mottistone's church and had the reception in Mottistone Manor, where Galloper Jack Seely, later Lord Mottistone, lived in later life. Aw, bless.smiley - love

<BB<


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 13

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Freshly Vaccinated

They even distracted the paparazzi with a white van. How smiley - cool of them.


A87839833 - A Man and His Horse: General 'Galloper Jack' Seely

Post 14

Bluebottle

I've just added a brief bit about Seely's nephew's death, to hopefully increase the impact that war has and as a reflection of Seely's character.

<BB<


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 15

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Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 16

SashaQ - happysad

smiley - applausesmiley - biggrinsmiley - pony


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 17

bobstafford

smiley - alesmiley - cheers


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 18

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Freshly Vaccinated


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