A Conversation for The Children of James I Of England - VI Of Scotland

Alternative Writing Workshop: A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 1

bobstafford

Entry: Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart - A87794400
Author: bobstafford - U3151547

For ideas and suggestions please


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 2

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

Bob, this looks good to me.

But why didn't you put it in PR? smiley - huh


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 3

bobstafford

just to give me an opportunity to hear other viewssmiley - smiley


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 4

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

smiley - ok


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 5

bobstafford

Have you any ideas


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 6

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

An introductory paragraph or two would be nice, in which you explain to the reader what you're going to be talking about.

Starting with the first child assumes the reader knows who these people are. I do, but I'll bet I'm in the minority here. smiley - winkeye

I always think a good rule of thumb is:

1. Introduce the subject - such as, we're talking about the Stuart kings of England and their offspring, or some such.
2. Tell people why it's interesting. Why do they want to know this?


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 7

bobstafford

Thanks for that smiley - run


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 8

bobstafford

Is That any better and close to what you were thinking of smiley - smiley


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 9

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

Well, sort of. smiley - laugh Now it has an introduction. How about an interesting introduction?

J>>ames VI of Scotland had chosen Princess Anne of Denmark, younger daughter of the Protestant King Frederick II.<<

Chosen as what? I think you need to say, 'chosen as his bride', or 'chosen to marry'.

>>Anne and James settled to married life and started family life.<<

Too much 'ife'.Try 'Anne and James began to raise a family.'

Overall, though, it's kind of dull. How about spicing it up with a little foreshadowing?

'In 1590, when James VI of Scotland chose Anne of Denmark, younger daughter of the Protestant King Frederick II, as his bride, little did the young royal couple - or the world - know what impact their offspring would have, not only on the history of Scotland, but on Europe at large, beginning with neighbouring England.'

Something like that. Tell us why we want to know this. Otherwise we're likely to shrug as say, 'Who cares?'


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 10

bobstafford

I this nearer the mark it still needs work smiley - smiley


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 11

bobstafford

Any more ideas smiley - smiley


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 12

Lanzababy - Guide Editor

Hi Bob

I think it looks ready for Peer Review. You'd get the added benefit from a wider pool of reviewers there.


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 13

bobstafford

OK I will move it smiley - smiley


A87794400 - Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart

Post 14

bobstafford

Any more comments
smiley - smiley


Key: Complain about this post