In a shock announcement last Wednesday, Microsoft announced their latest addition to their product line.
The release of WRITING PAD 1.0, drew stunned gasps from the assembled group of specially selected dignitaries and journalists. Amazingly enough, this product uses a PEN, and enables people to write things down on a surface resembling PAPER. It is believed that the bringing together of these two apparently unrelated objects is a first for the industry. 'You can do lots of things', said Guy Rogers, product executive for the organisation. 'You can write on it, you can draw on it - hell, you can even scribble on it.' Asked whether the product does anything else, he is reported to have said 'em, not yet, probably in the next version'.
Announcing that the time had come for writing pads, Bill Gates believes that in 3 years from now, the use of computers and laptops will be completely obsolete in favour of this new medium. There has been much talk in the industry over the last few years about the growing laptop mountain in many offices.
Executives at ETCH-A-SKETCH, the leading competitor in this market, are reported to be 'infuriated' with Microsoft, and they have launched a writ, accusing the Redmond based company of stealing their technology. 'We suspected they had been snooping around for a while', said one executive, 'we noticed that a lot of 3 year olds were sporting Microsoft booties the last time we brought them in for a trial of our latest products'.
The new product costs $2,999, ('a snip compared to the price of paper', says Guy Rogers). 'Why buy paper when you can have something far less reliable, far heavier, and far more wasteful on our limited energy resources?' says Con Sellers, analyst with the IT consultancy, Gartner. 'Mind you, it does produce a very satisfactory "thunk" when thrown into a waste paper basket.'
Analysts suspect that the new product has been released because recent PC operating systems were becoming 'too reliable', according to inside sources. 'Microsoft is losing hundreds of inches of free media coverage each day because our operating systems don't crash as much as they did in the good old days', says Patti Hand, public relations analyst with Microsoft. 'This is an unsustainable position.' It is believed that WRITING PAD 1.0 is part of a strategic effort to rectify this situation.
Among further announcements to be made, it is believed that Microsoft are working to produce a device that enables you to drink hot tea without burning your hands (Microsoft CUP); a device that enables you to sit in a crouching position at your desk without falling backwards onto your bum (Microsoft CHAIR) and a device to protect your head against rain (Microsoft HAT). 'This is a true testament to Gates' genius', says Sellers, referring to Bill Gates, the mild mannered founder of Microsoft, 'It takes a rare intellect to think of things like that'.