Violence on the Radio

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Irritating Public Radio, Your Friends In The Air, is in the air again. Before you open a case of air freshener, let me tell you what the smell is. Once again, we are compelled to let loose another episode of "Everything You Never Wanted To Know".

And now, our guests on today's programme are:

1. Dr. Ivan Waiting of the Free World University of Free Thought and Carpet Distribution Center, Inc., of Itsaboy, Illinois.

2. Congressperson Erie Canal , of Texas District #13.

3. Isaac Perldiver, the esteemed and feared pundit and science fiction writer.

And, last, but never least,
4. the great actress of stage, screen, history, biography, television, radio, and street corner, Mrs. Ali Aphid, the former Miss America crown winner whose maiden name was known to all in America before she married Caliph Aphid in 1968, as Ina Irriwaddy!

Welcome, all!


Ina: Hello. Please call me Ina.


Ivan: Greetings. Please call me Sir.


Erie: Hi. Please don't call me late for supper.


Isaac: Good night. Wake me when it's over.


All: (general laughter)


Narr: Very good, Mr. Perldiver. Thank you for breaking the ice.


Isaac: You are very welcome.


Narr: The topic is 'Violence on Radio'. All over the country, people are debating the merits and possible needed limits of violence in the sight mediums. It occurred to my producer that no one was dealing with the topic of 'Violence on Radio'.
Historically speaking, long before there was any television worth mentioning, there was radio.


Ivan: Oh, yes, there was item upon item of violence on the radio long before television. And a bit before sound movies. Items of gunfire and car crashes and beatings across the head. Yes, violence on the radio allowed the impressionable listener to imagine for himself what it looked like and even the dullest of imaginings is more vivid than the representations presented by the sight media.


Isaac: Oh, yes, and Orson Welles's broadcast of "War of the Worlds" was a classic example of violence on the airwaves intruding on reality.


Erie: Yes, and a classic example of the media's insensitivity to the rights of people to live without unnecessary intimidation. People have to be protected from andrenaline rushes that serve no purpose. When excited by violence that is not personally visited upon them, the are harmed by not being able to achieve release of that chemical and emotional build-up. Thus, they are victims of people in the industry which they have never met. I intend to support the writing and passage of new laws that will hold the media directly responsible for the damage created by the viewers seeking release.


Ina: But, dearie, where do you draw the line? How do you stop short of penalizing writers and actors for making a living? How do you stop short of calling the audience morons who can be led around...?


Erie: Spoken like a true spokesman of the industry!
You work to entertain the lowest common denominator of humanity to achieve the highest possible level of monetary return, yet when we suggest that you consider the thoughts and feelings of the lowest common denominator, you claim that they have voted with their dollars!


Ina: Okay, sweetie, you wanna get nasty? If the damn audience is so suggestible, then why don't political ads do more for you? I happen to know that you and your reelection committee spent...


Erie: That has nothing to do with this!


Ivan: It most certainly does, ma'am.


Erie: Who asked you?


Ivan: Ma'am, settle down. We are on the air. And you must realize that one form of violence is the stifling of discussion, the refusal to air differences.


Erie: Some viewpoints are so invalid that their expression should be avoided. There are rules about what is morally and legally acceptable. They should be followed. When the view expressed is concurrent with the law and public wishes, then giving equal time to opposing views serves no purpose but to indicate to the impressionable that it is possible to buck the system and get publicity for it.


Isaac: Ahhh. Do I take it, then, that you think the rest of us should shut up and go home and you should be allowed to sit here without interruption, saying whatever you please?


Erie: No. But I also believe that I should be allowed to be involved in the discussion without aspersions being forged about my political behavior!
There are some things you have to do to stay in politics. Motions that have to be followed through...


Ina: Like in acting, if you want to keep on having a career.


Erie: No! No way will I let you compare spending a life half-clothed, pretending to be someone you're not, and protesting when someone attributes the immorality of your parts to you personally, to being a representative of the people, fighting through the male-dominated system to try to make a difference! Actors are liars!


Isaac: Ahhh! And politicians are prophets, is that it?



Erie: I am not a politician. I am an elected representative of the people...


Isaac: ...who voted for you.


Eried: Not exactly. I don't ask if they voted for me when someone calls my office to ask for help or a responsive ear.


Isaac: Just as I don't care if they have read my book after checking it out of a library rather than buying a copy of it when they write me offering criticism, correction, or praise.
But in that respect, with the exception of the people who complain about my subject matter without having read the book, I am different from you, ma'am.
Some people vote for you because of your party affiliation without bothering to hear you out.


Erie: Name some. I believe that my voters are intelligent, well-informed people who have made a deliberate choice.


Isaac: Exactly what I choose to believe about my readers.


Ina: And I choose to believe about my fans!


Erie: But these comparisons are invalid! My job is to help people. When they believe that is not happening, then they have the right to vote me out! The do not have a vote in what movies you make or what books you write! They can only respond to your efforts after they have been distributed. I, on the other hand, am open to access throughout my legistlative efforts!


Ivan: So, your detractor's feelings are considered all along the line?



Erie: Whenever reasonable. It should be an understandable impulse on my part to give my supporters more time. How can I maintain any confidence in my abilities if I am continually reexamining my positions? Uncertainty is viewed as weakness or laziness.


Ivan: Yes, but unconsidered certainty can be viewed as intractable boneheadedness.


Erie: I resent that.


Narr: I believe that we are drifting from the topic advertised, people. Can we return to it?


Ivan: I submit to you, sir, that we have not departed from the topic one inch. The subject of violence in all mediums is a subject of opportunity for political minds that would rather jump on a bandwagon than build one.


Erie: Well. May I offer the observation that the same applies to producers and book publishers. There are few pioneers and many trend-mongers.


Ina: Granted! Very much agreed! I was often perturbed by the tendency of producers to manufacture carbon copies of popular movies and then expect me to turn out a replica of the star's performance. I turned down many of those roles. I earned a reputation for difficulty.


Erie: I'm sorry. I wasn't aware of that aspect of your character. I shall have to readjust my preconceptions of you.


Ina: And I of you.


Isaac: See what discussion can accomplish?


Erie: Yes. Yet, ho much discussion occurs between the listeners of radio and the producers of radio? As I said earlier, all the listener can do is react. At no point in the producing process is the public consulted or provided with an input.


Ivan: What do you think the FCC does? Don't the standards enforced by the government mirror the wishes of the people?


Erie: No.


Isaac: But, weren't you pushing for government guidance to protect the people from the influence of unthinking producers on their uncontrollable instincts?


Ivan: Allow me, please.


Erie: Be my guest.


Ivan: Thank you. The one thing we are all battling is bureacracy...



All: Amen!


Ivan: And Bureaucracies believe that success should be measured in sameness. There is no progress without someone being ahead of their time and a bureaucracy waiting until an idea's time has come before they beat it to death with infinite variations.


All: Amen, Again!


Ivan: When called upon to adhere to a standard not of their own making, bureaucracies either under or over compensate but avoid total compliance.


All: Enough, already!


Ivan: Oh, sorry. I'm used to lecturing to a captive audience.



Isaac: That's okay, I understand. I do it, too.


Ina: Well, don't demonstrate. We have a limited amount of time.



Isaac: Well, then, what is the solution? If, in fact, there is a problem. Is there a problem?


Narr: Let us assume that there is. What should be done about it?



Ivan: That depends on the nature of the problem. What is it?


Narr: Let us assume that the problem is violence on the radio.



Ina: You're no fun.


Erie: Well, as I said earlier, the problem is that, once exposed to an account or representation of violence, many people have no way of relieving the tension engendered. Either the broadcast of violent episodes must stop or a sop for the adrenaline flow must be provided by the very people who thoughtlessly turned the tap on in the first place.


Ina: What would you suggest, flogging? That's a very successful sport in my husband's kingdom.


Erie: No. Unfortunately, m imagination has not yet provided me with a suitable outlet. My staff is at present poring over Fox's Book of Martyrs in the hopes of learning something that might be useful.



Isaac: You should also have them check the Golden Book of the Inquisition and the Michelin Guide to Five Star Dungeons while you're at it.


Erie: Thank you. Let me make a note of that.


Ivan: Don't bother.


Erie: I appreciate your confidence in my memory, but I have so many things to forget that I must have assistance.


Ivan: Suit yourself.


Narr: So, what are your suggestions of a solution? We're rapidly approaching a close, so, quickly, now. Ivan?


Ivan: A punching bag in every home.


Narr: Isaac?


Isaac: A manual typewriter in every home.


Narr: Ina?


Ina: A stationary bicycle in every home.


Narr: and Erie?


Erie: Oh, right off the top of my head? Oh, I suppose a convict in every home to be punished as people please. Is that close?


Narr: Close enough. Though I must thank you for providing a possible topic for another program. Out time is consumed and we must be removing ourselves from the studio so a Lady's Self-Defense programme can set up.

Say 'good night', all.


All: Good night.


Narr: This has been another unforgettable incident of "Everything You Never Wanted To Know", presented for you by Irritating Public Radio, Your Friends In The Air. Tune in again next week when we will b breathing much different air than we are breathing today. Thank you and good day.



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