Getting out of Hemel Hempstead
Created | Updated Oct 8, 2002
What's the worst thing about Hemel Hempstead? Believe it or not, it's not the Plough Roundabout. It's not the lack of anything. It's the fact it's so bloody hard to get out of in the morning.
For some reason, at 8 o'clock every morning Hemeloids get in their cars and decide to leave to go somewhere else to work. This puzzles non-locals, as there is plenty of industry in Hemel. However, as a Hemeloid will tell you, 14 1/2 hours in Hertfordshire's crummiest town is quite enough.
Anyway, for some reason, there are only 2 places worth going to from Hemel Hempstead - the M1 and the M25. All other roads lead to even more pointless places such as Leighton Buzzard - a town considered by many to be mythical. The problem with this is that, at approximately 8.05 100,000 cars descend on 2 roundabouts. The result ius ensuing chaos. Now, any other town would have tried to allieviate this problem with something utterly sensible like a flyover. However, this is obviously far too stupid. Instead, all the traffic has to queue. Because of this, it takes more time to get out of Hemel - a distance of some 800 yards - than it does to travel the same distance to St. Albans on a bus (buses get bus lanes!).
That is presumably why all the residents are so depressed, and why no-one cares that the ONLY cultural highligh in Hemel has been destroyed (affectionately known as the 'Pav'). This is why you should never, ever, ever consider going to Hemel.
For some reason, at 8 o'clock every morning Hemeloids get in their cars and decide to leave to go somewhere else to work. This puzzles non-locals, as there is plenty of industry in Hemel. However, as a Hemeloid will tell you, 14 1/2 hours in Hertfordshire's crummiest town is quite enough.
Anyway, for some reason, there are only 2 places worth going to from Hemel Hempstead - the M1 and the M25. All other roads lead to even more pointless places such as Leighton Buzzard - a town considered by many to be mythical. The problem with this is that, at approximately 8.05 100,000 cars descend on 2 roundabouts. The result ius ensuing chaos. Now, any other town would have tried to allieviate this problem with something utterly sensible like a flyover. However, this is obviously far too stupid. Instead, all the traffic has to queue. Because of this, it takes more time to get out of Hemel - a distance of some 800 yards - than it does to travel the same distance to St. Albans on a bus (buses get bus lanes!).
That is presumably why all the residents are so depressed, and why no-one cares that the ONLY cultural highligh in Hemel has been destroyed (affectionately known as the 'Pav'). This is why you should never, ever, ever consider going to Hemel.
