Tea: A History

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Satisfying in the extreme, although one has to be careful while consuming the first sips and last dregs of the cup (or mug, depending on personal preference). The first sip, one must understand, may be extremely hot. The people at McDonalds don't put those warnings on the mugs for nothing. The last, on the other hand, may well be inconceivably cold. In fact, the human mind could not possibly comprehend the icy cold that a simple mug (or cup, as mentioned before) can take on. The closest we can come to it is in the film The Day After Tomorrow, wherein helicopters freeze up inside canyons. A silly comparison, due to the silliness of the film, but it is the closest we can ever be.

Though it's claimed that tea was used for centuries due to its medicinal attributes, it was in fact only first used by a complete and perfect accident. A beggar in China accidentally drank some of the stuff and said — and I quote — 'Ugh.' He later patented the word and made millions on the stocks and shares until he was put in prison for tax evasion at the age of 97. He died soon afterwards, although tea did not. More and more people drank tea and it became the talk of the century! The Emperor of China decided to export the leaves to other countries, but he never had the time and so forgot about it for a while.

Soon after, the British conquered much of the known world and brought tea with them. The Commander of the British Naval Fleet wanted to keep tea to himself, but a short mutiny wherein 17 were killed and 3,907 sent to bed with no supper soon sorted that out.

Tea was finally brought back to dear old Blighty, and with it milk. The two were combined for the first time and sugar was added (although this, also, is down to personal preference). The King could do nought but sigh in the realisation that one more thing was better that the British Monarchy.

After that, nothing much happened with tea. The formula has remained mainly unchanged, despite several alterations in types of milk. However, I am not here to discuss milk.


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