The Quest

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a work of fiction. (I think you've probably read the disclaimer enough times by now, so I'm leaving it out. If you miss it, you can find it at the top of this episode.)


Affy could hardly stand still as he read the translation.

'Be warned: All who enter here are doomed. (Ps: Beware of the little dongly things. I've thrown all my extras into this fortress and I daresay they've taken on quite a frightening demeanor.)'
He paused to think this over.

'That makes no sense. Marv, are you sure this is the proper translation?'

'Of course it is.'
Marv glanced at the caller ID on his cell phone, which was still ringing. He didn't recognize the number.

'This is Marv.'

'Hello, Marv.'
Marv frowned. He didn't recognize the caller's voice, and he doubted it was someone he kept company with; the caller's cultured accent suggested wealth and power. Marv much preferred Star Wars fans.

'Why, hello. I hope you'll excuse me for not calling you by name, seeing as I don't know who you are,'
Marv's curiousity was piqued, as very few people knew his cell phone number.

'Would you be so kind as to enlighten me?'

The caller chuckled.

'Well, that all depends. Can you keep a secret?'

Red Dog paused, his hand on the doorknob. He was determined to redeem himself to Uncle Heavy and get that bonus so he could buy Mrs Red the house in Oklahoma she'd always dreamed about. He uttered a quick prayer and quietly turned the knob, opening the door to sea's office.

sea looked up at him as he stormed into her office. She stared at him in a rather disconcerting manner, as though she had no idea who he was.

'Can I help you?'
She asked politely.

Red Dog opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the phone on sea's desk.

'Oh, bother. Would you excuse me for a moment, sir? I need to take this call,'
sea said, apologetically. Red Dog, stunned, nodded and went out the door. He sat down on the sofa in the den and wondered when the world went crazy and left him behind. He frowned, then pinched himself.

'Nope, not sleeping,'
he muttered. What on earth was going on?

Yowuzupman groaned and blinked a few times, trying to clear his head. Where the zark was he? He tried to rub his forehead, but discovered that his wrists were bound together behind his back; and rather tightly, too. Yo settled instead for wiping his brow on his knee, which was the only body part within reach.

Yo's vision began to clear and he squinted at his surroundings. He was in a dark room; the only light was above his head, and it pointed straight down on him. He was very quiet for a moment, listening for any sign of life in the room. He could hear water dripping, and was almost certain that someone else was in the room, watching him.

Yo sat in the pool of light amidst the darkness, trying to decide what to do. He waited for his captor to say something, but there was only silence.

'So, then, you understand the importance of this 'Quest', and why I must keep my identity a secret?'
Garius asked, nervous but trying not to show it.

'Yes, sir. Yes, I understand completely. I'll go check on sea right now. Thanks for calling, sir.'
Marv put his cell phone back into his pocket.

'Um, Affy? You carry on here, I've got to go see sea.'

'Uh huh,'
replied Affy, who was still absorbed in the translation.

Marv headed for the house, hoping that Gw7en would be inside.

sea glanced at the closed door before answering the phone.


'I've got your boyfriend, sea.'

The pleasantness went out of sea's voice immediately.

'Correction: You've got my weapons and demolitions expert.'

'Oh? I have it on good authority he's more than that.'

sea smiled slightly.

'Trying to use my romantic entanglements against me isn't going to work. You forget that I deal with scum like you on a daily basis. This is a game, sweetheart, and I'm very, very good at it.'

There was a pause as the caller contemplated her options, then the unmistakable 'click' of the connection being broken.

sea hung up the phone, rubbed her temples for a moment, then turned on her laptop.

Figuring that his captor must be asleep, Yo began to slowly work his way out of the pool of light. If he could hide in the darkness, whoever had kidnapped him would be forced to turn on the lights and reveal himself.

'It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue,'
came a voice from the dark. A female voice.

The hairs on the back of Yo's neck stood up. He had a bad feeling about this. A female kidnapper?

'S-saturn Girl?'
he asked, hesitantly.

The woman laughed.

'I'm disappointed in you, Yo. She's far too obvious a suspect. I can't believe you thought of her before me.

The woman stepped into the light, and Yo gasped.

Marv found Gw7en walking up the road to the house, carrying two grocery bags. She grinned at him.

'Wow, you've got a great sense of timing. I just went out and got more liquor!'

'Forget the booze. I need your help. Something's up with sea,'
Marv grabbed Gw7en's arm and pulled her after him.

Gw7en looked worried.

'What is it, Marv? Is she okay?'

Marv and Gw7en opened the back door and saw Red Dog sitting on the couch. He turned around, saw them, and froze.

Uh oh! Will there be a shootout in the den? Does sea have brain damage? Who kidnapped Yo?! Find out next week!!!

The Quest Collection


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