The Internet Oracle

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The Internet Oracle is a very popular online humour service. It works very simply:

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

The Oracle has a long history. It all started back in 1976, when Peter Langston wrote the first implementation on a Unix system in the Harvard Science Centre. The Oracle program was distributed on the PSL Games tape, free to all Unix systems.

In 1989, Lars Huttar heard about the Oracle from a friend, and thought it sounded fun. He wrote his own version- it only worked for users at the same computer. He posted the source code of the program to the USENET group alt.sources in 1989.

Steve Kinzler, a sysadmin and grad student at Indiana University, downloaded and ran Huttar's program on silver.ucs.indiana.edu where it became extremely popular. Ray Moody, from Purdue University, wrote an email interface which made the Oracle accessible to all on the network. Kinzler installed the program on iuvax.cs.indiana.edu. It became massively popular, and became known as... The Internet Oracle. Steve Kinzler still maintains the software, and has added features such as the Oracularities1 and a web front-end. Even though he no longer goes to Indiana University, the institution still pprovides the computing resources.

If you go through the Oracle's website, you can enter your question2 and your email address3, and fire it off. In a few days, you shall see the Wisdom of the Oracle...


The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oracle most wise,
>
> Remember those "101 Uses for..." lists a while back? Man, those were
> good times, weren't they?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Gee, golly weren't they!
}
} So here we go; The Top 101 Most Transparent Requests for
} the Oracle to do a Whole Lot of Work.
}
} 1. What is the meaning of life?
} 10. Please prove Fermat's last theorem
} 11. Tell me how to rule the world.
} 100. Once upon a time. . .
} 101. What are the top 'X' reasons to "Y"?
}
} Alas, now a day people are too lazy to count in binary.
}
} You owe the Oracle 1010011010 demons.


The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Haikus which are blessed
> are better than all the rest
> this one fails the test

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There once was a supplicant who
} Wrote a query formed like a haiku
} Must three lines be the max?
} For of those I've got stacks
} And limericks are awfully nice too.
}
} You owe the Oracle a Spencerian sonnet.

Okay, so maybe "wisdom" isn't always the correct word. Comedy, not accuracy, is the primary concern.

But then, what do you expect when it's people like you who answer? Either through email or the website, you can offer to answer a question. (You may also get one when you ask one, if the queue is filling up.) Reply to the email (remove the entire question) and answer. Preferably as the Oracle would.

There's only one real guideline when asking questions: Never mention woodchucks. If you must, word it as w**dch*ck. The Oracle has a pathological hatred of the word since, within the first month of service, being asked the W**dch*ck Question4 over 100 times.

Overall, the Internet Oracle is a very fun humour service which will invariably give you an answer that is almost, but not entirely, unlike what you expected. It can be extremely time consuming, but very fun.

Disclaimer: The Internet Oracle is nothing more than a humour service. Any answers/advice given by the Oracle should be considered as mere sattire and probably ignored. Void where prohibited. No warranty is given or implied, except where required by law, where the warranty is withheld. Quality of answers is not guaranteed. The Oracle may be habit-forming, so use should be limited. Not liable for injuries caused by massive amounts of laughter. Try to restrict usage to a maximum of 24 hours, or 2,400 questions, per day. All your base are belong to us.


The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> I'm running Windows 3.1, with RPRINTER loaded. As soon as I'm loading
> Word for Windows 6.0 the PC hangs. Do I need to change my Config.sys or
> my System.ini file.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You need to change your operating system.
1The "once-in-a-while" digests of the best things the Oracle has spit out.2Include a suitable grovel.3This is one of few Internet services that really DOESN'T spam you. It's safe to give.4How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

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