The Post Horror Scope
Created | Updated Jul 24, 2002
So here I am back from my holidays, slightly miffed that the whole of h2g2 didn't grind to a complete halt with the absence of myself, but hey, I'm happy you all coped without me. So without further ado, here's what you have been patiently sitting at your computer waiting for, this weeks Horror Scope. Share and enjoy!!
The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.
For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.
There have been a couple of queries in the last few weeks about what happens if you have rejoined h2g2 with a brand new number, and do not know your original number. The answer to that is easily solved, use your new one. If on the other hand, you know the date
of your last joining, and want to know which date to use. Then that is just as easy to answer, pick the one that you want to use, there's nothing I love more than people deciding their own destiny.
JANUARY
The numbers 24, 16, 33, and 1,000,365,002 are going to be lucky for you this week, use them as much as possible. Drop them into conversations, and carry them around written on a piece of paper, you will not be sorry.
FEBRUARY
With news that a large asteroid is heading for Earth, the Tiddly Winks show me that you will mount an expedition to plant explosives in the asteroid, thus blowing it up and saving Earth. Unfortunately if your name is Bruce you will not survive, though you will be
hailed as a hero by everyone on the planet. Happily if you are not called Bruce you will be fine and be hailed as a hero, just not a dead one.
MARCH
Please move along, there is no prediction to see here. Please move along....
APRIL
Something that you forgot to do last week is playing on your mind, don't worry, just forget about it. Life's to short.
Err... unless it was a bill you forgot to pay... or you promised to feed a friends dog all last week... or you said you would pick your parents up at the airport... Hmmm... maybe you had better start worrying again, this could be serious!!!
MAY
There was two young h2g2er's in May
Who decided to have a roll in the hay
Though it might be thought of as a sin
As it was done on a whim
They both agreed, 'It really did make our day!'
JUNE
The Crystal Ball reveals that you have a secret ambition to be an astronaut, a very worthy thing to aspire to. It also reveals that you have a desire to boldly go, where no one has gone before.
What you REALLY want to do is explore new worlds, you have this burning wish to reveal Uranus in all its glory, to give an in depth report on your findings, and show people parts of Uranus they have never seen before.
JULY
Beware of someone dressed in yellow, they mean you harm.
AUGUST
One too many biscuits from the barrel has given you a slightly bigger shadow than you would like. My advice is to try some gentle exercises like walking to the TV to turn it on instead of using the remote control. Little things like this will quickly reduce the access baggage and make you feel better in the long term.
SEPTEMBER
The Dregs at the Bottom of the Coffee Mug shows that a person who arrives unexpectedly at your door at the weekend will be a surprise visitor.
OCTOBER
You receive good news that you have won the State Lottery, and that you are a five times millionaire. Unfortunately it turns out to be the State Lottery of a country that you have never heard of whose monetary exchange rate is one million units of their money to one unit of yours. Oh well... easy come, easy go as they say.
NOVEMBER
The Whingy Board has a message to someone who is wearing very bright clothes, sunglasses, a straw hat and has a hole in their left sock.
'If you had listened to me when you were growing up, you could fix that instead of having to buy some new ones.'
DECEMBER
Life has been getting you down of late, and I sense a looming shadow of depression entering your sphere of energy. Instead of caving in, be positive, think of all the things that are getting you down and treat them like a fur-ball, spit them out, and leave them behind you for someone else to clear up.
DISCLAIMER
As we all know fortune telling is not an exact science, so Greebo T. Cat, The Post and indeed h2g2 cannot be held responsible for anything printed in The Horror Scope that is not one hundred percent truthful. To be honest, I think you should all be jolly happy if one percent of the predictions come true.
This statement in no way refutes Ms Cat's mystical gifts. So there!!!
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