Indiana mushroom and the Arf of the covenant

1 Conversation

Indiana Mushroom and the Arf of the Covenant

As our heroine embarks on her latest adventure, let us peek in on her...

Chapter one

The scene: Cambridge University, department of Archeology, Classroom.
Serg is standing in front of a medieval map and lecturing. A room of archeology students sit mesmerized as the great Professor Indiana Mushroom explains the history of Baast worship, and how it relates to The planet, Saturn.
Next to the map is an old drawing of what looks like a golden doghouse.

Serg:"And, so, faithful students, the great Cat Goddess, Baast, empowered cat-kind to rule over the foolish humans in the dawn of times. In alliance with the goddess of Saturn, (a blond bombshell), cats kept humans in thrall, and the world was at peace.

Faithful students: "Oooo!"

Serg walks over to pet Cleo. She continues: Cats, in their great wisdom, were fair and just masters. But the Red Dog became bored and caused dogs to attack the cats, freeing the humans. Of course, they revolted.

Faithful students:" EEeeeeww!"smiley -

Cleo nods, wrinkling her nose, and Serg pets her, consolingly.
"The Red God made an agreement, called a Covenant, with the dogs, giving dogs a favored position with Humans. Ever since that time, Dogs have been referred to as "Man's best friend." However, many wise humans recognised the superiority of cats and favored them. This angered the Red God, and he crafted a powerful Artifact, referred to in the ancient texts as...

smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley -

(dramatic music swells)

The Arf Of The Covenant (!)

smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley -

faithful students:"oooo!"

Serg:"But, baast stole it and hid it, deep in the sands of the lost, Deserted Desert at the foot of the Really Tall Mountain on the Island of No Return in the Sea of Heretherebedragons. Just a little off the coast of New Jersey."

*Points to medieval map*

"Many dogs have set out to retrieve the

smiley - Arf Of The Covenant(!)smiley -

"Never to return! It is said that whoever finds and opens the

smiley - Arf Of The Covenant(!)smiley - ...........................................................................................wait for it......................................

"...Will gain the power to rule the world!"

Cleosmiley - :smiley -

Faithful students: Wow!

Camera focuses on the old map, then the scene fades to black. Opens on the same map, spread out on a table in an airplane hanger with several sopwith pups in various stages of disrepair parked within. A male dog in combat fatigues, with the initials "BB" emblazoned on the back of it is repairing one of the old planes. Every now and then he throws an engine part over his shoulder, and curses. Three figures huddle around the map; A Dog in a military officers' uniform, a mysterious figure in a hibiscus trench coat, and a golden-thighed youth in a safari jacket and green tights. They are plotting something...

Master spy Heavy: "Do you sink she vill rise to ze bait?"

Clothilde: (In a high voice) Merde!

(adjusts tights)

(in a deeper voice)But of course! She weel be so verrry, how you say, intreeeged by ze opportunity to find ze

(Pauses, to glare significantly at the writer and avoid all that marquee nonsense)

(tiny trumpet fanfare, waaaay in the background) Arf

"...zat she weel set out, toot-suite!"

Commander Redstien:"und, zen ve vill haf her!"smiley -

Master Spy Heavy:"Ve Vill let her do all off ze dirty vork, und zen ve vill ZWoooP! down und steal ze Arf."

Group of villians: Mwahaha! smiley - smiley -

A tool comes flying out of the back of the hangar and konks Commander Redstien on the head. Fade to black as Clothilde fans the Commander and wonders if he should apply mouth-to-mouth resuscitation...

Chapter Two

Scene: The dean's office. Indiana Mushroom and Cleo smiley - are standing by the door, wearing traveling clothes. They are clutching train tickets and standing next to a steamer trunk.

Professor Saturn, (a statuesque blonde woman in a business suit) is speaking: "Here, 'Shroom, I have a gift for you. It's an old cupboard, that my mother left me long ago.smiley - Keep it to remember me by during your travels."

Serg: (smiles) Thanks. You know, I can't get over that oddly worded leaflet that the strangely hairy man handed to me in the library. 'Arfyou tired of the same old vacation? CovenantTravel agency can take you to exciting new places. (Special Discounts for Mushrooms)'

Professor Saturn: "Yes, and emagine winning that raffel prize for an all-expense paid vacation to the Herebedragons Sea Side Resort.

Serg: (laughs) I didn't even know that Cleo had bought a raffle ticket. Hmmm...have you noticed how their logo looks strangely like an desert island with a red X in the middle, next to a tall mountain?"

Professor Saturn: "Yes. Pity you have that wedding in Perth to attend this week. I hear New Jersey is lovely this time of the year."

Serg nodds and heads for the train, sensing that she has somehow missed an important message...

It is a bright, sunny day in Perth.

The wedding guests are gathered around Yozupmanlov and Baastetta, making merry. As the sound of an airplane engine in poor repair sputters overhead, Serg, still bothered by the thought of some hidden meaning behind the raffle ticket, goes up to embrace her friends.
The camera focuses on the happy couple. Yozupmanov, the huge hungarian/arabian with the strange green cast to his skinsmiley - , is a hearty fellow sporting a big, bushy black beard and a shiny gold earring. As he bursts into a hearty folk song, his lovely bride, Baastetta, a beautiful arabian woman with catlike green eyes, smiles benignly. Her
guns and bandeleros gleam merrily in the noonday sun. Cleo allows herself to be petted.

The waiter, a curious fellow in green tights, adjusts his golden curls, and muttering "Zoot Aloors" under his breath, serves a tray of strangely dog-shaped appetisers to the wedding guests.

Ignoring the sound of a sopwith pup puttering over her head, Serg munches on the treat andd ponders the synchronisity of it all.As the sound of the air craft sputters, then cuts out, she glances up to see the writing in the sky:

"ARF You merry? Happy Covenant B and Y"

A strange explosion just over the horizon shakes the hotel grounds, causing the wedding cake to topple over. As the golden- thighed waiter drops his tray, an odd man in a hibiscus trench coat rushes to a car and drives off toward the horizon. As the sound of fire sirens fill the air, Serg hugs Yozupmanov and Baastetta and wishes them a Happy Covenant.

Later, in the hotel, Serg turns on the T.V. to see a rather strange man doing the news broadcast. Hairy from head to snout, he might be amusing if it weren't for the thick german accent. Odd, his wearing a military uniform to do a BBC broadcast...

The story is about The Sea of Therebedragons, and how tourism has picked up. When interviewed, one tourist in a hibiscus trench coat and his lovely, golden-haired wife reccommend flying by Canine Airlines, which is affiliated with the Covenant Travel Agency.

Turning off the T.V., Serg looks at Cleo, who is swatting at the Raffle Prize, which seems to have fallen out of Serg's pocket and is jerking around near Cleo's nose. As she laughs and pulls Cleo over to her, Serg says"Well, we can use a change of scenery, can't we, Cleo."

The Television, which has just come on again, shows the newscaster high-fiving with the tourists, and the strangely lumpy bedspread seems to approve, as well.

Reaching into her cupboard, Serg pulls out a battered Fedora and a bullwhip. Dressed in tan jodpurs, a tan shirt and boots, she packs her trunk and quits the hotel. As the music swells, she sets out on her latest adventure.

Chapter Three

Scene: Garius' Hard Times Cafe and Karoeke Bar: A rough and tumble, seedy little dive on the shores of the Therebedragons Sea. The wind is blowing outside, the drink is flowing inside. Garius is a huge, muscular man with a butch haircut, leather pants and jacket, wearing a spiked, red leather dog collar with a curious name tag.(Precious)
He is attempting to drink an assorted group of rough cut, mean-looking men under the table. Over in the corner, around the karioke machine, sit several tipsy japanese patrons, fighting over who gets to sing the Roy Rogers song next. In their midst is a mysterious figure in a hibiscus trench coat.

The wind blows through the open door as Serg steps in. Garius looks up and scowls, his dog tag flashing in the dim light. A strange map is emblazoned on the back of the dog tag; The man in the hibiscus trenchcoat notices this and pulls out a monical to get a closer look. Then he whispers furtively into his collar and orders another shirley temple, downong the drink in one gulp in his excitement.

As the strains of the country music fill the air, Serg and Cleo walk over to talk to Garius.

Serg: "Garius, darling, how's it hanging?" (she is eying the dog tag, and smiling)

Garius:"You heart-breaker! You left me at the altar, you took all my money, you even stole my cat!"

(Cleo, who knows that people don't own cats, ignores this last comment with disdain)

Garius continues:"All I have left is this odd dog tag and this bar!" (He pauses to gather money off of the table, as the man in the hibiscus trenchcoat consumes his 15th shirley temple and staggers over to the Kareoki machine. He rips off his trench coat to reveal a grass skirt, a bone through his nose and a crown made of gold. He is the voodoo king, and he is very drunk.smiley - smiley -
He grabs the mike and launches into a rendition of "Feelings". The japanese men run screaming in terror. Garius, having been tonedeaf since the little incident with sea and the bazooka, ignores this, but Shroom shudders and tries to ignore it)

Garius: "What do you want, Serg?"

Serg:"I need the dog tag."

Garius stares at her angrily, then smiles: "What's in it for me?"
Serg hesitates. Although the trip down was gratis, the airline charged for extras. (She remembers with a shudder the hectic flight down, bailing out over the port city a few miles away and the fiery crash as the airplane landed...)
The price of Cleo's honey roasted nuts had cleaned her out. :"Whatever I find, I'll cut you in on a percentage."

Garius:"No way. Uh, Uh, shroom, not this time!" (As the voodoo king launches into "I Did It My Way", Garius stalks from the table and heads for the door...

Just as a group of military types burst in. Shroom dives for the floor and Garius jumps behind the karioki machine as bullets riddle the bar. A few flash grenades and moltov cocktails later, the bar is a raging inferno. Serg and Garius hide behind the adjacent shed while several dogs argue over whose fault it is and a strange french-looking fellow in green tights tries to hook up a water hose. The voodoo king comes staggering out, clutching a smoking microphone and yells:
"I said "Snag them, not Scrag them! Geez, you dumkoffs! Now look vat you haf done!" He notices the dogs looking oddly at his grass skirt and pulls out his monacle, skewering it into his eye. Pulling out a spare trenchcoat, he mutters, "Now ve vill nefer vind ze dok tak!" A wiff of his breath hits Clothehild and he drops the hose and passes out. As the ambulance pulls up, Serg, Cleo and Garius sneak away, wondering if the paramedics know what they're getting into.

Chapter Four

Serg and Garius, having narrowly escaped being barbequed by the evil Dogs,
have made their way to the bay of the Sea of Heretherebedragons. As Garius makes arrangements with a strangely canine submarine commander for an "Exploratory Jaunt, oh, in about a week or so", Serg and Cleo look up an old friend...

The port city of Anthrax is ruled by Count Mystadrong. She calls on him at the Schlossh. (Serg knows him from her student days in old Transylvania U.) She shows up at the gate, asking permission to enter, and the guard, a nice enough fellow, asks her 3 questions...

Guard:"what...is yourrr name?

Serg:"Sergent Indianna Mushroom, Professor of Archeology" (Her teeth flash in the sun)

Guard:"What...is yourrr quest?

Serg:"I seek the Arf of the Covenant.

Guard:"what...is yourrr favorite color? (He peers at her closely, unaware that he is being watched by a mysterious figure in a hibiscus trench coat, who is lurking ominously beneath the porticullus)

Serg:"Green"

Guard:"You may pass."

As Serg makes her way into the Schloss, the mysterious figure climbs the embankment and approaches the guard.

Guard:"What...is yourr name?"

Mysterious figure:"Master Spy Heavy."

Guard:"What ...is yourrr quest?"

Masterspy Heavy:"I seek to capture the Arf of the Covenant before Serg can use it. I intend to RULE THE VORLD! Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!smiley -

Guard:"What...is the velocity of a sopwith pup when it crash-lands?"Asks the guard idlly as a huge explosion sounds in the vicinity of the airport runway.

Masterspy heavy:"I...Oh, Bu**ers!"

A huge explosion sounds beneath his feet and Masterspy Heavy is catapulted into the smiley - infested waters of the bay.

Meanwhile, in the Schloss...

Serg and Cleo smiley - walk through the creepy Schloss towards the main hall, ignoring the cobwebs, moaning sounds and rattling of chains. The shadows hint at gothic horror, but brave Serg and Cleo are determined to speak with Count von Count, so they follow the old retainer, through the building. Small rodents skitter accross their path, tempting Cleo, and she disappears.

Scrotum, the wrinkled retainer, finally shows Serg into a library. There sits the dashing count, playing a little chamber music on a massive organ.(Cue the creepy organ music)

Seeing his guest, he stops playing and, his smile flashing in the light of the candalabras, approaches."Serg!"smiley - To what do I owe this pleasure?"
He takes her hand kisses it, and slowly begins to work his way up to the vein at her wrist, his teeth glinting in the dim light.

Serg sees Cleo trotting up with a little gift; a 2 foot rat. She jerks her hand away and the count's teeth snap as he misses the wrist. Serg sees only the cat."Cleo, put that down."

Mistadrong sees the rat, and notices the blood on Cleo's muzzle. He licks his lips."Nice kitty. She's a good mouser.
Here," He adds, reaching for Serg's collar, "Let me help you to be more comfortable." His eyes glaze over as he pulls off her coat, exposing Serg's neck."Nice neck." He drools.

Serg steps out of the jacket, and Mistadrong's teeth snap on air again. He is left holding the jacket as she walks over to pick up her cat. Cleo reluctantly drops her prize and settles for having her ears scratched.

His voice tight with frustration, Mistadrong inquires once again what he can do to help Serg. Pensively, Serg walks over to the window, opening the curtains to look out on the water. Mistadrong pulls back in alarm, shying away from the daylight, and stands there, the picture of frustrated politeness while Serg tells him the history of the Arf.

Serg:"...Anyway, I thought I'd try to get it." Serg turns from the window as a small figure in a hibiscus trenchcoat in the distance swims by, a trail of shark fins following closely...

Mistadrong:(eyeing her neck longingly)"And, how does this concern moi?"

"I need the Bone of the Dog." Serg explains, petting Cleo. "Once the Dog tag is fitted into the nob at the head of the Bone, it will show us where the Arf is hidden." The small, swimming figure draws closer and Cleo hops down to put her paws on the window sill, watching.

Mistadrong:" Ah, yes, I have it still. You know, the legends say that whoever controls the Arf controls the World." Cleo watches as the swimmer reaches the schloss and tries to clib up onto a ledge next to the window. One of the sharks grabs the trenchcoat and pulls him back into the water.

Serg:"That's just a myth."Serg's eyes glow with inspiration as she speaks,"The Arf is a great piece of world history! It will be a spectacular find!" The sound of someone yelling and banging on the window behind Serg goes unnoticed as she enthuses,"I'll be famous! I can even become rich!"As the water outside the window behind her clouds with red, she finishes, "The franchise rights alone would make me a millionaire.
Of course, there will be plenty left for any one who helps me."

Cleo walks back over to Serg and allows herself to be picked up. As she accompanys Serg and Mistadrong into the vault, a hibiscus trenchcoat floats away...

Meanwhile, back at the docks...

Garius heads to a bar where Serg has agreed to meet him. As he takes a table, a familiar voice calls out...

"G.L.? Is that you?" Sea and Yo greet their friend and join him. A curious waiter appears, and smoothing his golden hair, takes their order. Soon they are drinking to the new couple's health, a successful quest, a new dawn, franchise rights, the price of tea in Bora Bora, and a few other things. As a rather canine-looking fellow in bedeoin robes sits down at a nearby table and orders Schnaps, the talk turns to the quest for the Arf.
Strangely, a thumping noise is heard from underneath the bedoin's table, rather like the tail of a dog wagging, and the table shakes...

Serg, having sucessfully retrieved the Bone of the Dog, makes her way through the market place when suddenly, seven rather vicious robed figures appear. As she runs for the bar, they are in hot persuit!

Hearing the comotion outside, the three friends jump up and throw open the door, just in time to see Serg and Cleo disappear in a tumble of dingy grey sheets and flashing bullwhips.

Garius yells and charges. Yo and Sea pull out the fire power and follow. Three bedoins throw off their robes and bring up the rear, with Clothehild in hot persuit. As a rather bedraggled figure in a grass skirt climbs out of the bay water and begins pulling shark teeth from his backside, a hair-raising chase ensues. Camels are employed, and jeeps, and heavy artillary. At one point the odd waiter and a strange dog in a military uniform tumble along the street, grasping each other's throat, then realise that they've got the wrong prey and jump up to leap on the back of Garius.

He tries to throw them but to no avail. Seeing how out numbered they are, Serg grabs a gun and points it at her throat."Everybody freeze, or the Mushroom gets it!" She growls menacingly.

Commander Redstien freezes in horror."No! Not the Mushroom!" He drops off of G.L. and backs away.

Serg:"I mean it! I'll do it!"

(G.L. Stares, a slow smile spreading accross his face. Sea and Yo begin snickering..)

Clothehild:"But, she's zo young! zo...(Leers suggestively) Nubile, for a mushroom, zat is."

Commander Redstien: "Don't do it, Serg!" He cries, then, with a suspicious frown, "Vait a minnit..."

As Master Spy Heavy gets the sharks' phone numbers and promises he'll call, REALLY smiley - , Serg and the crew edge toward the submarine...

Serg, Garius, Sea and Yo take off running. Crying havok, the dogs of war give chase. As Serg rounds a corner, a huge robed figure steps out. He is wearing a mask, and spinning a pair of swords wildly. The deadly arcing blades slice through the air threateningly, and Serg grasps Cleo. Then she opens her cupboard and pulls out a bazooka. Garius has a rocket launcher, Sea a Spud gun and Yo a zapomatic. As they prepare to vaporize the fool, his takes off running.smiley -

The dogs of war catch up and a pitched battle ensues. As a sopwith pup flies overhead, getting their coordinates, Serg spots Clothehild and Commander Redstein with Cleosmiley - , climbing into a truck.
She runs and, pulling out her bullwhip, snags the bumper as it takes off. The truck drags her, but Serg heroically drags herself toward the cab, where Cleo is letting her displeasure be known.

The truck veers as Clothehild frantically tries to pry the angry cat off of the Commander's head and throws Serg off of the truck. Dauntless, she grabs a grazing camel and takes off in persuit. With the truck weaving all over the road, she catches up and leaps onto the truck bed. As Cleo shreds Commander Redstien's nose, Serg reaches into the cab and...Wait, it looks like Cleo's doing fine on her own. Serg watches for a moment. The scenery whizzes by as the truck veers around in a circle, and heads back down the same street they took off from. As the docks loom ahead, an explosion on the horizon signals the landing of the sopwith pup. Serg snatches Cleo and bails just in time to avoid a bath as the truck plunges into the water.

smiley - smiley -

smiley - smiley -

smiley - smiley -

Chapter five

The submarine has arrived at the deserted island. The scene: A Huge stone pyramid on the island shore, the inner temple hot, dry and sandy.
As the intrepid adventurers walk into the room, they see a large slab of stone in the center. Serg rummages in her cupboard as Yo and Garius slide the slab back to reveal a darkened pit...

Sea:"So, all you have to do is fit the shaft of the Bone into a hole in the floor and you'll know where the Arf is hidden?"

Serg:"That's right." She pulls out the Bone, a 5 foot shaft of, well, bone, and fits the Dog Tag into a hollow on a knob at one end.

Garius: (Nervously)"Um, Serg..."

Yo: "Oh, Merciful Bob, What Are They!!??"

Serg shudders and peers into the pit to see her worst fears confirmed...The pit is full of ...
(Dare I say it??) French Chefs!!

Fortunately they have been into the cooking sherry and are smiley - off their a**es. As Serg climbs into the pit, they reel towards her, knives clashing, floppy white hats sliding down over their eyes. Serg bravely dodges them and makes her way past a huge statue of a habachi towards a curious design carved onto the floor. Fitting the Bone into place, Serg angles the dog tag to catch a ray of light. The light strikes the Dog Tag and reflects off of it, shining on the design; a map of the island."X marks the spot!"Grins the Mushroom as a drunken french chef falls over the foot of the habachi statue and empales himself.

Clothehilde's voice comes floaing down from the floor above the pit."Zo, zat is were eet ees!
Merde! "

Commander Redstien peers over the edge, and smiley - . "Thank you, Serg! Ve vere sure zat you vould find it vor us!"

Serg, alarmed, cries out:"You FIEND! What have you done with my friends???"

Master Spy Heavy:"They are all tied up!"(Dastardlysmiley - )

Garius, Sea and Yo, suitably trussed, appear at the edge of the pit."Ve gott ze drop on zem!"

Clothehild is looking lasciviously at Sea. "Hay, babee what ees your sign?" She kicks at him, but he only laughs."Eeef you weel be mah Babee tonight, I may let you live!"

Sea:"Never!!" (she is thrown into the pit.)

As Cleo jumps down, Clothehild eyes Yo. "How about it, babee? Weel you be mah "Hot Child in ze City"?smiley - smiley -

Yo:"Eeeooo!" (He is thrown into the pit.)

Clothehild look at Garius, but before he can say anything, he jumps in.

Clothehild:(miffed)"Ziut your zelf, fools!" He helps the dogs push the slab back over the pit, closing them in the darkness. As Sea hugs Yo, Serg dodges a french chef and walks over to examine the statue. "If we push it over, maybe we can smash a hole in the wall and escape."

As the sound of grunting fills the darkness, Serg repeats her statement. "Sea, Yo! A little help over here!"

Reluctantly the newly weds break it up. Soon the statue crashes into the wall and, as predicted, they are out of their predicament. Serg, feeling a little guilty for turning 100 drunken french chefs loos on a small island, races toward the mountain pass and sneaks on a truck. Serg leans back to take a nap. Soon the group is safely with her, riding the dogs' transport truck over the mountain and into the desert.

As they pass a Fleagionairre post, a strange sight greets their eyes. The Post is under attack, and a group of dogs are happily firing turds at an invading force of arabian cats. Ignoring the noise, they push on...

The hot desert sun beats down on them as they come to a small oasis. Nearby, a huge rock looms. As Serg sneaks off of the truck, she notices that her comrades are missing.

She watches the group as they push a button on the rock. It slides back to reveal a stairway going down. As Seg follows, she hears the voices of Sea and Yo and Garius' growl among the pack of dogs. "E Gads!" she thinks, "They have been captured again, while I slept, thus convieniently remaining in the storyline and advancing the plot toward it's dramatic conclusion!" Serg pauses to give a scathing look to the ghost writer, who blithely ignores her.

Soon they come apon a huge underground shelf, where, bathed in eerie light, sits the smiley - ARF Of The COVENANTsmiley -

Serg sees that they mean to open the ARF And realises that she must stop them!! Regretfully, she sneaks back to the surface and lays her plans...

Several minutes later, Serg is ready. She is perched on a rock shelf just above the oasis and is armed with enough fire power for a small latin american country. The Dogs come out, carrying what looks like a large, golden Dog House. Her friends are there, tied up; Cleo has been confived in a cat carrier.smiley -
Serg shouts and they stop, looking up."One more step, and I blow it up, Redstein!"

Redstien glares at her, then gets a crafty look in his eye. He pulls his pistol and aims it at Cleo. "Go ahead,"he sneers,"Pull the trigger, shroom! Mwa hahahaha!"

Serg pauses, torn between her duty and the loss of her beloved Cleo, and Clothehild speaks persuasively."You know that you want to see what's een eet, too, Serg. C'mon, "He adds as Master Spy Heavy sneaks up behind her, "Just one leetle lookie.smiley -

Master Spy Heavy snatches the bazooka, the rocket launcher, the tank, the AK47, the ouzi, the laser-giuded missile launcher and the swiss army knife and leaves her unarmed. Defeated, she is marched down to be tied to a steak along with her friends.(Even Cleo has her own tiny steak.)

Clothehild, smirking, dons robes and begins an ancient ceremony. He starts out with the shimmy, then belches, then sings (off key) in a strange, archaic tongue, then flaps his arms and imitates a chicken...

Six hours later, he's still going. Redstien and Heavy are playing poker, and Yo has dozed off.smiley -

Finally, Clothehild puts away the can of axel grease and the sheep and says..."Open zee lid!!!"smiley -

As dark clouds descend, covering the sky, another sopwith pup crashes on the big rock. The scattered wreckage does not disuade our intrepid adventurers; Master Spy Heavy shrugs and looks back at the Dog House and Clothehild opens an umbrella, holding his hand up to check for rain. A bedraggled dog comes limping out of the wreckage, shakes off his fur and, seeing smoke come pouring out of the Dog House, smiley -

As the sky rumbles, Clothehild stares at a strange apparition which floats out of the Dog House.smiley - Ex-R looks around, then calls back into the Dog House, "It's clear! Come on, every body!! Wa Hooo!!!"

Out pour researchers of every discription. A smiley - , a dragonfly,smiley - , mice, avenging washcloths and crazed shrews! smiley - s and Affy's, Saturn Girls and Seas, Mushrooms and Militant smiley - s. Penquins and Mike Tysons. As Roseanne Barr, Madonna and the other "Ex-Girlfriends" come out, Clothehild screams like a girl and explodes!
Herds of smiley - ssmiley - and smiley - trample Master Spy Heavy and his remains are carried off by a strange Cult in hibiscus robes. A giant mechanical Cat steps on Redstein and smashes him. Through it all, Serg is screaming, "Don't Look!!! It's Too Awful!!!"

At last the expolsion subsides, as a force beyond reckoning sucks the wierd and wonderful creatures back into the Arf. smiley - Fights to stay, but a red, hairy paw pulls her back, and the lid to the Arf slams shut! Serg's ropes come loose, and she stares solemnly at the others. "We must never release such horrors loose on the world!" The others agree solemnly.

As Serg and Garius watch, the Arf is wheeled away by a dock worker. It is London, and the Government has taken the artifact, to be lost in their red tape warehouse for ever!!! Serg smiles and, arms linked with Garius, she joins Sea and Yo to walk off into the sunset. (cue dramatic music)

Deep in the government warehouse, a ghost sticks her head out of the strange golden dog house, peers around and spots a personal computer. Smiling, she pops out, logs on to the "BeeB", and pulls the Arf closer, prying loose the lid...

Thanks, IST, for the feedback and the encouragement to use the "Hot child een ze City" joke.smiley -


Bookmark on your Personal Space


Conversations About This Entry

Entry

A782372

Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry


Disclaimer

h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more