JJ's Carmalised Movie Review

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The Scorpion King

Approximately 100 minutes long

Director: Chuck Russell

Cast: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (Mathayus, AKA The Scorpion King), Michael Clarke Duncan (Balthazar), Peter Facinelli (Takmet), Kelly Hu (Cassandra), Grant Heslov, Rolf Moeller, Bernard Smith.

Time: Don't ask me.

And it's time, kids, for our weekly leap into sponging a premise off of my favourite upcomingmovies.com guy, Greg Dean Schmitz.
'Set in very early ancient Egypt, this is the story of how a peasant assassin (Johnson) wreaks revenge on a marauding army who pillaged his village... and how he eventually becomes the First Pharaoh of Egypt, known as the Scorpion King... (Hu plays Cassandra, a woman being held hostage by the evil Warlord)'

And now my take.

Okay. So. This was made as a prequel to the Mummy films (I and II respectively). And therefore was quite silly and... well... yeah. It was however, surprisingly good, even with the addition of lines like 'Will you stand alone before the fury of his armies?' Answered with a pregnant pause, and eventually, a quite firm 'Yes'.

The overall feel of the movie was thus:
'We decided to make a film and get people to come see it by citing a guy from the World Wrestling Conglomerate or whatever it is and it's not going to be very plotted but are our movies ever really and this film shall have lots of good fighting and such but not much in the way of actual content or anything, and no one will really mind all that much.'

Don't get me wrong, I liked it, (But then, I like action movies. Which is what this was. An action movie. So there we are then.) but it was glazed far too thick with mushy Hollywood glamour bullpoop. We found out many times before (one instance that jumps to mind is Star wars: Episode I) that hype is an evil thing. Hype bad. Bad, bad bad, bad. Not good. Bad.

(Wow that was short)

The Scorpion King won itself smiley - ill to the power of three. Times 6 smiley - hangover to the power of 7 smiley - winkeye, divided by 42 smiley - strawberry plus 5 smiley - sheep

Jedi Jade

25.04.02 Front Page

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