The Post Horror Scope
Created | Updated Feb 13, 2002
THE POST HORROR SCOPE
Love is in the air this week, and I will expect many of you to end up in murky corners and cupboards, giggling and whispering and doing things that quite makes my face turn pink.
All the signs and portents show that hearts will rule heads in wild disregard, and caution will be thrown to the winds. What a wonderful time you are all going to have. Lucky lot that you are.
I had a comment from FABT in last weeks conversation about The Horror Scope, which I thought I would share as
FABT did indeed made a valid question, which was;
'I can't remember when I joined h2g2, my original acount is lost long ago in the unmoderated files. Can I just pick a month?'
My reply, also goes to all you out there with a similar problem and was this;
'I think that chosing your own month is something akin to making your own destiny.'
I am quite willing to answer all questions and queries regarding this subject, and if wanted I can help with problems from researchers via e-mail. Due to time restrictions I cannot reply to each individual e-mail personally, but will give the answer to your problems on the Horror Scope page. Please send your letters and queries to me Mystic Greebs.
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The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.
For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.
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JANUARY
Someone who is no longer a stranger will leave your life suddenly, they will not return. Nor will they return the money they stole from you when you were not looking. Monday will be a good day to buy a new hat, preferably with a bobble on it.
FEBRUARY
A sudden feeling of overwhelming sorrow overcame me when reading the cards for you this week. I see sadness, tragedy and possibly utter desolation occuring by mid-week. Oh... it's passed, I think it was just wind. Sorry about that!!!
MARCH
The Whingy Board called me with a message to you from someone that you knew when you were two centimetres shorter than you are today. The message is, 'Do not go near the green door when you are drunk, for if you open it, chances are you will fall down the toilet.'
APRIL
A letter from an insurance company will drop through your letter box in the near future. Do not eat garlic on Tuesday and expect to be close to someone Tuesday night; the cards show this will not work out for you.
MAY
All the signs show that Thursday will be a very lucky day for you, everything will go right, the impossible will happen today, don't be afraid to try anything new, as all things will go perfectly. Oh... er... this is 1992 I'm writing for isn't it? NO!... Oh well forget it then.
JUNE
A sharp pain in my kidney warns me to tell you that you have forgotten an important anniversary. The day will be very bright, due to something you once heard about called sunshine.
JULY
The crystal ball reveals a member of the opposite sex will make advances towards you today. The number three and the colour purple will show you the way. Do not be afraid of the five tones, because everything is ready on the dark side of the moon.
AUGUST
A visit from a family member will be a happy occasion for you at the end of the week, but beware of eating doughnuts, it would be best to give them to the rather cute little orange and black cat that keeps hanging around on your door step.
SEPTEMBER
A broken promise from last week will be mended this week. A black hole has appeared around Uranus, but don't worry, it will disappear by Friday, leaving you with that all over fresh feeling, and not leave a nasty stain.
OCTOBER
The Tiddlywinks show that this would be a good time to get that 'item' you have been wanting for the past month. North is a good direction for you on Monday, try not to move in any other way, or bad things might happen.
NOVEMBER
Trouble will stalk you at the weekend, be wary of strangers bearing sharp sticks called Buffy. Maybe it would be a good time to fix that little dental problem of yours, before things become to serious.
DECEMBER
Connie Fewshush says, 'Do not eat the gherkin straight from the jar'. Take this warning to heart and refuse any pickled products for the coming month. Sunflowers will have a new meaning for you by Wednesday afternoon.
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DISCLAIMER
As we all know fortune telling is not an exact science, so Greebo T. Cat, The Post and indeed h2g2 cannot be held responsible for anything printed in The Horror Scope that is not one hundred percent truthful. To be honest, I think you should all be jolly happy if one percent on the predictions come true.
This statement in no way refutes Ms Cat's mystical gifts. So there!!!
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Mystic Greebs
