The party, the party, the party...
One hundred editions of the Post, goodness who'd have thought it would last that long isn't it wonderful? Guests come, from all over h2g2, the Ministry of Magecraft has good parties, so they say, got to make sure they're right. Got to make sure...
Clean the fountains, champagne shows up every bit of dirt, wash the glasses, mop the floors, polish the silverware. The guests are coming! Cook the food, lots of food, lay it on the tables on the lawn. Why is the sky striped with green and pink? Ah, my friends, the sky here is unstable, don't be alarmed, oh look see it's gone red now.
And the clouds are falling down, somebody catch them! Anything broken? No? Good. On with the party, there are more guests coming through the portal, got to greet them take their coats offer them punch. No Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters yet, save them until after midnight yes they will be large ones and yes there will be a performance by the Thingite Dancing Ducks. The Minister for Magecraft is their Choreographer, after all.
No more brownies! Where's the delivery? It's late it's late, but at least it's here, the Church of the True Brownie produce all the finest brownies and what's this? The lorries have no brownies in, are these small plasticine models of Mark Moxon or are they made of Play-Doh? Ah yes I see now, it's Play-Doh and there's something wrong with the probability around here did anyone come in an Improbability Drive ship?
Ladies and gentlemen there are no more brownies, we are working on the problem and perhaps you'd care for some meringue instead, there's plenty of it and it's filled with creamHeyWhat'sHappeningWhyAreWeSinkingIntoWhiteSweetPuffyStuff THE LAWNS HAVE TURNED INTO AN OCEAN OF UNCOOKED MERINGUE and the guests appear to be drowning in it what's going on?
Here's a penguin come to help there's a probability flux, anything could happen, the desks inside are turning into strawberries and some of the chairs have turned into walnuts. And the sky's falling but at least the lawns are back now and nobody died.
Wouldn't like to try getting meringue out of silk dresses though, people are going inside to try and clean up and this is turning into a disaster even if the brownies have finally been restored to their proper form - people who have been inahling meringue don't want to eat brownies, even ones from the Church of the True Brownie best call the President and tell him not to come, too dangerous, but he's already here and he'll turn into a real Peregrine if he's not careful where are the Italics we need to get them somewhere safer oh they've found the Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters and are showing people how to really party isn't that excellent good maybe it'll take people's minds off things.
Getting confusing now, the sky's fallen like a downy blanket and broken the weather vanes but no fatalities yet, what's going to happen next is that a swarm of hornets I just saw flying out of that box of peppermint creams and why are the cheesecakes sprouting legs and hurling themselves at nearby walls?
It's chaos and a disaster and one of the penguins has found the problem but can't explain it because he just turned into a trout, throw him in a bowl of water and try to change him back before he forgets or something else unpleasant occurs oh dear now it's raining vodka that might not be a bad thing after all at least it means the sky's back up and we have some sort of clouds even if they are supposed to be made of water maybe it'll keep the guests happy for a while as well looks like Abi's trying to do the quiz and everyone's too drunk to know the answers oh no that's at the h2g2 meet in London, mustn't get confused why am I in London anyway? Supposed to be at the Ministry of Magecraft next Thing, not in London some time last week.
Which I am. Mustn't drift off like that, got to stay focussed, what is it you say is happening? Ah yes, that would explain it, let's go and deal with the problem just as soon as we get ourselves out of this rapidly setting cement the floor just turned into somebody help thankyou muses your assistance is much appreciated are any members of CHOPPERS here we might need them ah yes there you are good heroes let's all go up to the basement, gravity seems to have inverted and I've banged my head.
Monster in the basement, spell gone wrong, corridors filling up with lime juice, Jim Lynn's telling it how the database works it's confounded and confused by the computer-speak thankfully it doesn't affect me I can cope with that stuff kind of just don't listen and it doesn't hurt so much LOOK MONSTER COME HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN oh you're a woman and thoseClawsAreVeryVeryBig CHOPPERS to the rescue the day is saved the lime juice is gone and are things back to normal oh yes pass a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster I really need a drink.