A Conversation for The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Peer Review: A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 1

MindMe

The overiew entry of a four part primer on conspiracies...

Parts that follow are as such:

A684560 - The Conspiracy Primer - Alien Nation http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A684560

A684588 - The Conspiracy Primer - Bank on It! http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A684588

A684597 - The Conspiracy Primer - Devil in a Blue Helmet http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A684597

I'm creating seperate discussions for each as they are all quite long. Yes. I did write this all myself.


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 2

MindMe

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A684542

Url to A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Arg forgot to post it.


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 3

Whisky

smiley - bigeyes

Firstly a word of advice for all those researchers who read the first five lines of the introduction and gave this article up as being a load of rubbish....

Read on


Now on with the critic...


In my opinion, and I suspect that this may not be everyones opinion, this has the makings of an excellent entry.

However, it needs an awful lot of work doing on it, and an awful lot of cooperation on the part of the author.

First question, are you willing to have your work ripped apart and put back together here?


For example, there are numerous references to 'us' and 'we' which would have to be changed to 'Americans' (Third Person would be better here - we weren't all born in the USA)

Secondly, there are a lot of phrases that, need to be re-written (and I stress this is just my opinion).

This is going to take a lot of work and a lot of time to get into the edited guide, but I do think its possible.

I've read it all, but really haven't the time right now to start making points on exact phrasing, but I will print it all out and study it later (probably crucifying all your work - but you always have the opportunity to ignore anything we say in PR)


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 4

Whisky

Ok, I've printed it out and I think I've just figured out what I'm going to be doing on the flight to england for the meet this weekend smiley - winkeye

My first bit of practical advice would be to add a link to the end of the 2nd and 3rd installments pointing at the next chapter, you've added a link on the first page to all of the other pages, which would mean that people were more likely to read the entry as a whole (in the order you want them to) and not bit by bit.

smiley - cheers
whisky


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 5

Monsignore Pizzafunghi Bosselese

* printing *

I've got a long flight too smiley - winkeye

Er... could it be that there are -4- PR postings with a total of -3- A-numbers around here? One of these appears to be redundant, with another one missing.


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 6

Monsignore Pizzafunghi Bosselese

Sorry. Me smiley - online2long ! it's four and four smiley - smiley


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 7

Zarquon's Singing Fish!

Gosh! Do people really believe this kind of stuff? (I've not looked at the links yet). No time to comment tonight, and I'll go and have a look at the next part first. smiley - run

smiley - fishsmiley - musicalnote


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 8

MindMe

Ah yes good suggestion about changing the person (from "we/us" to "Americans". It has a very strong bias towards the American conspiracy. I don't think French or Germans see the whole conspiracy thingy from the same frame of reference (America stands alone!). I'll take another look at it to see if I can't place it more obviously as "this is the American conspiracy mind set".


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 9

Captain Kebab

I think that once the third person issue is sorted that will go a long way towards making this series ready for the Guide. I've read it all, but not studied it in detail as yet - I don't have any flights planned, so it could take me a bit.

One comment I would make has already been pointed out - it needs the internal links adding go each section. It might also be worth numbering the sections (in their titles) if you want people to read them in order.

It beggars belief that people believe this sort of thing, but apparently they do. Although it's American-centred I gather that elements of the European far-right sign up for a lot of this. It's not comfortable reading, but I think we all ought to know what these guys are up to.

This has the potential to be a really excellent entry in my view.


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 10

Lonnytunes - Winter Is Here

h2g2 style is for headings to be upper and lower case, not all caps.


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 11

MindMe

It's easier to write about "the conspiracy mind set" from the North American POV because it swirls around me. I have to listen to these people yap and theorize on the bus.

It will be a long time before I ever get to europe and longer still before I can grasp things that make perfect sense to the vast majority of Europeans let alone grasp their wonkier ideas smiley - smiley

But some good suggestions none the less. Thanks all.


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 12

Nireena


Hm. Perhaps this could be turned into a Uni project since it's a multi-part series?

smiley - star
Nireena


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 13

Monsignore Pizzafunghi Bosselese

Either way (multi-part entry or Uni project) - there's already an edited entry on the subject matter: A476741 Conspiracy Theories. After rewriting this series (or rather, tampering with its style of writing) it would have to become an update. Mind you, that's not a bad thing to do!


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 14

MindMe

I found the existing edited entry on conspiracy theories to be something of an unfocused hodge podge...


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 15

Whisky

Ok, I promised I'd have a look at this piece so here goes...



GML

If you replace the with around all your paragraphs it'll look a lot better, giving a gap between the header and the first line of your text.




GRAMMAR

It was so obvious to Americans who was behind all their political
It was so obvious to Americans who WERE behind all their political

fluoridated water
fluoriNated water

In hindsight people in the West
In hindsight, people in the West

early '90s recession-plagued economy
early 1990s, recession-plagued economy

$30 billion in Nintendo military gadgetry
$30 billion in Nintendo-style military gadgetry (unless of course the US Military actually have contracts with Nintendosmiley - winkeye)

politicians in league with space aliens
politicians, in league with space aliens

Galactic Federation, and/or the Legions
Galactic Federation and/or the Legions

stuff from the Americna people:
stuff from the AmericAN people:

True Patriots, take their guns, and put in them concentration camps
True Patriots, take their guns, and put them all into concentration camps

secretly planning a one world communist regime
secretly planning a one-world communist regime

USA and Canada into a one world government
USA and Canada into a one-world government (same as above smiley - winkeye)




Now a real pain in the neck for you...
Edited guide entries are normally supposed to be in British English, rather than American English

(sorry, but it is a BBC website after all smiley - cheerup)

So:
Program=Programme
Labor=Labour




Other points that might need clarifying

.... might be useful here...

the Fulda gap - Where on earth is that?

the Feds - possible footnote here for non-Americans


Ok, that's probably quite enough to be getting on with... next point is whether the article can stay as it is or will have to be toned down a little, with a few 'apparently', 'allegedly', 'in the opinion of' etc type phrases thrown in...

Watch this space smiley - biggrin

(Note: This article is, of course, your work, not anyone elses, therefore please feel free not to take any advise you don't want to)...
In other words, I won't be insulted if you tell me to go away...

smiley - cheers
whisky








A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 16

Zarquon's Singing Fish!

Hi Mindme!

What's going on with this entry?

smiley - fishsmiley - musicalnote


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 17

Whisky

I must admit, I'm slightly confused by this researcher's attitude to PR... he's got two edited entries, but has never actually posted a response to any query in PR... it seems, and I may be wrong, that he throws the entries in here and if they get picked the sub-ed is going through the PR thread and making any corrections and alterations...

Ok, this set of articles is good, but IMO there's no way its going to get into the guide in its current format... does anyone really want to stuff a poor sub-ed with all the work it would need to get it up to scratch...smiley - huh


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 18

Zarquon's Singing Fish!

I have to say that I agree with you about it's not being suitable in it's current format. Pity, as the information is fascinating. smiley - ermNot sure where that leaves us, though?

smiley - fishsmiley - musicalnote


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 19

Whisky

I would say let it have its three months, if the author hasn't shown anymore interest in it, post to his space then have it moved back to his space... we can't really sinbin it as the researcher is still using the site.


A684542 - The Conspiracy Primer - Conspiracy Prime

Post 20

Zarquon's Singing Fish!

Whether it does or does not make Edited status, it is still interesting reading.

smiley - fishsmiley - musicalnote


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